02/01 - Chapter 186: What are you willing to lose?
Me and your dad starterd the year with the wrong foot: arguing. It's a very difficult situation where I find myself caught between your father and your grandfather. Since you were around 4, 5 months old, your father started to be very upset with your grandpa smoking situation, wether a marlboro or the electronic one. However, it's something that we, his family have been trying to change for many, many years, since I was a child. My father tried to quit smoking about three times, but it was an unsustainable situation for everyone because he became very nervous, extremely nervous actually. It affected everyone on a daily basis. He started smoking at the age of 14, and it's a tremendous addiction that he can't seem to break in any way.
Despite your father occasionally smoking, he has never been addicted, so he can't understand the extent of the problem. I'm sure that if it were just a matter of willpower, he would have quit a long time ago, especially now considering your health. These conflicts started back in Orlando when you were 6 months old and have been ongoing, even with you being a year and almost three months old now.
It's a situation that doesn't bother me personally, but he wants it to bother me, he wants me to think like him. I had serious bronchitis for many years in my childhood, and since I developed bronchitis, my father stopped smoking indoors. He started smoking on the balcony of our former apartment, and he never smoked indoors again (except the electronic one). However, he never washed his hands before picking me up, for example, which is what your father is demanding from him. He does wash his hands when he remembers, but due to decades of habit, he doesn't always remember. To be more honest, most of the time he ends up forgetting, much to your father's frustration. I know that my father doesn't do it on purpose, but I also know that he doesn't make an effort because, for him, it's trivial and nonsense.
Despite agreeing with everyone that this is a colossal nonsense—because washing hands won't change anything, given that his clothes are impregnated with the smell of smoke—if he picks you up, the smell will still be on you and circulating - it's something your father is asking for, and it should be respected.
I find myself in a very complicated situation. On one hand, I get nervous that your father is fixating so much on this detail instead of being grateful that you are well and thinking about more significant things, appreciating every moment after almost losing you and prioritizing things that are truly crucial. On the other hand, I am upset with your grandparents, who don't understand that his culture and upbringing are different, and they don't respect his roots, his place of origin. Your father is someone who is very bothered by the early introduction of chocolates and sweets, watching cartoons, smoking—several things bother him. And because it doesn't bother your grandparents, they can't understand and often end up not respecting.
When your father told me that "cultural differences" were weighing heavily on him, I became very nervous because I feel like I'm doing my best, and yet nothing is good enough. I agree that in the last few days, we went overboard, and you watched too much TV, for example. But we are on vacation, at your grandparents' house. Can't he think that in a few days, we will return to the apartment, you to school, and the routine will return to normal? Many parents struggle with the school vacation period. But soon the routine returns; it just takes a little patience.
Then I lost control, cried in the kitchen, and your grandmother was there, and I told her I was upset with both of them. Your father for making a fuss about everything, always being bothered by something, and your grandparents for not respecting his space and his roots. My mother spoke well and replied that if everything they do is wrong and bothers so much, we should just visit. Not even staying overnight on weekends, going out for lunch or dinner someday. And I agree with her on that. Your father fixates so much that your grandparents sometimes give you chocolate, sweets, a cookie, or let you watch TV a little, forgetting that my parents do everything for you, love you unconditionally, pay for your health insurance, are with your school, pay for everything you need. Also, on weekends, they have you almost 24 hours, giving us a chance to rest a bit. So sometimes they get tired (they're not that young anymore) and let you watch TV, and it's up to us, if we don't want you to watch TV, to take you away from it and play with you. So I think he weighs the small things that end up going wrong more than the good and significant things that would tip the balance more towards the positive side, you know?
So I cried, poured out my feelings, saying that both sides were driving me crazy. One for not looking at the good things and always considering the bad things, letting some things pass, knowing that the good things outweigh them. The other for not respecting a father's authority, understanding cultural differences, and showing respect.
I think I managed to convey my message. But since this situation, your father and I haven't spoken. Sometimes it gets tiring, you know? I feel that no matter what I do, it will never be enough, and he will never be happy with me. So, I get discouraged.
And these situations become so unsustainable and wear us out as a couple. And he doesn't think that, if in the end we separate, you will still live with me, and then he will live in his own house separately. You will continue to spend time with your grandparents whenever possible, and this would continue to happen, and there would be nothing he could do about it.
To what extent are trivial things (I understand the cigarette to some extent, but other things he clings to so much) worth attaching oneself to, risking important things and people as well? Overnight, everything can change. We have to weigh what we are willing to lose and which battles to fight because some battles really aren't worth it, and they aren't worth our emotional well-being.
04/01 - Chapter 187: I was still a child
Today in the United States the Epstein list scandal occurred.
Jeffrey Epstein was apparently involved in the sex trafficking of children and minors. He was arrested in Palm Beach in 2005 after he was accused of paying a 14-year-old girl for sex.
This list reveals the artists, stars, politicians and billionaires who had close contact with him and who frequented his private island.
It was a scandal around the world because this list included the names of politicians (such as the former president of the United States of America), a prince from the United Kingdom's royal family, famous actors such as Leonardo DiCaprio and many other details.
I read the entire document myself. Almost 200 pages. I feel that the movie 'The Sound of Freedom' was precisely made to go against Hollywood celebrities and deliver a moral lesson to many people.
And for me, this is a very delicate matter. I avoided telling you for a while, but since I'm going to give you tips on everything to do and not do, it's entirely up to you what you want to follow or not. But sooner or later, I'll have to tell you my story. However, I think I'll tell you this story in person. Throughout your life, you will encounter these chapters and only remember what I once told you.
Many women of my generation, even more the generation before mine, have gone through sexual abuse. Something that unfortunately I didn't escape either. Babe, I was the victim of two different sexual predators. And both within the family. Sometimes we worry so much about external things that we fail to notice the danger around us, and sometimes it is closer than we think. One of them I was 10 years old, and it was repeatedly.
When we used to have the habit of having lunch every Sunday at my grandma's house, after finishing my meal quickly because I was never one to eat a lot, I would go up to my grandma's room - who lived in a house at that time, and it was a two-story house - I went up to the second floor to use her computer with her permission. She had a very old computer at the time, but when I was addicted to chatting with friends, browsing the internet, and using the computer, it didn't matter to me. That was the time of dial-up internet, unlike what it is today, something you will never know how it was.
I've always been quite addicted to computers, unlike my sister, for example. And our upbringing was the same. Well, going back to the story, when I was in my grandma's room using the computer, my uncle, whom I'll call Uncle X, would come up there, discreetly. While I was using the computer, he came from behind, behind my back, and started caressing my lower private part.
You know, daughter, it's very difficult for me to tell you this, because I know how uncomfortable it is to read things like that coming from your mother's life story. I know that I felt super uncomfortable about any sexual story about my mother, whatever it was, whether it was her life with my father, or any abuse she had faced in the past. The sexual sphere for me has always been a problem, and this may be linked to what happened to me in the past. In truth I can never know.
Returning to the story, he started to caress me, inside my clothes. I'm not even going to use the word for what it's called, because it's a horror for me to say that. For me, when I go back to the past and remember these stories, it's incredibly difficult to comment and think. just thinking that an adult man of that age who must have been over 50 at the time would be excited when touching a child like me, makes me feel sick. It's disgusting. But at the time I had no discernment, I couldn't imagine what it was like to be aroused. I thought it was some kind of a play game. And what makes me feel bad and hate myself the most is knowing that when I was a child I even felt ticklish when he did that to me. It was a feeling that we can call “good”. Just thinking that when I was a child I thought it was somehow "good", I want to vomit. Now, as an adult, I question how I could have felt anything other than fear, desperation, anger. But at the same time, I was very young, only 10 years old; I was still a child.
And this uncle X, he wasn't even very cliché. After finishing what he had to do he didn't say the famous pedo quote: "Don't tell anyone." No, he didn't do any of that. The only thing I remembered that he did and that after he finished what he had to do, which lasted a few minutes there, he washed his hands in the bathroom, and then went upstairs normally as if nothing had happened. But still thinking that the times he did this to me, I even felt a kind of pleasure, makes me angry with myself.
If the woman I am today could help the child I was so long ago, I have so much advice for that child, just as I will give to you, my daughter. Never allow anyone to touch your private parts except your mother, or your father depending on how intimate you are. And up to a certain age. Afterwards, neither mom nor dad can touch your private parts, you will take your own bath, you will change alone... From an early stage, I will explain to you what a good and bad touch is so that if one day you encounter a predator like I did, you will know what to do, both at the time and afterwards.
My parents did everything to protect me, especially my father. He was never the kind of father who allowed sleepovers, not even at the cousins' house who were family. But where he least expected it, the unexpected happened within his own mother's house. I think maybe the mistake my parents made was not properly educating my sister and me on the subject. I know it's uncomfortable to talk about this with a child, and I feel uneasy saying this through a screen, I can only imagine what I would feel telling you this story face to face, and I know that day will come. We have to set aside the discomfort and talk about serious matters that can prevent things that may alter the course of a person's entire life.
Well, anyway, he did what he did. It happened several times, and many times as a child, I grew up thinking that he wasn't a bad uncle because, after all, every Sunday, he also took my sister and me to the newsstand to buy stickers and little gifts for us. How foolish, right? This just proves that when we are children, we are so pure and innocent. That's why I try not to get so angry with myself when I think about it, because I was still a child, so pure and so innocent that I didn't know anything sexual, I thought it was a kind of a game that felt good. I didn't know it was wrong, I didn't believe that anything happening there was wrong.
But as I grew older, obviously, I started learning things. But as a child, I thought: calm down, he's not bad, nothing is happening, he's your nice uncle who buys stickers for your collection album. NO, BABE! He was not a nice uncle!!!!! He was a sick uncle. I won't expose people's names because it's not my place. It was never my intention to ruin anyone's life, and my intention was never to destroy families or defame anyone.
It took me a while to tell my mom, but it took much longer to tell my dad. I knew since I was a child that if it ever got back to my dad, a tragedy would occur. My dad would probably kill the people involved. He would be arrested, and I would also destroy my family. What a messed-up situation, right?
We distanced ourselves from that uncle, and things were easier in terms of keeping our distance. Although one of his sons didn't believe me—in fact, neither of his sons believed me, but that's normal, considering he's their father. But since then, we've never seen one of the cousins of my dad, his wife, and their children again. Deep down, I was sad because I ended up distancing a cousin that my dad was very close to, and they had many stories together. One day, my dad found a photo of him with the two cousins inside his safe. I felt really sad that day because I thought I was to blame for everything. That's the problem with this situation; even though you are a victim, many times you feel guilty.
Now, the second case, the uncle Y... I don't know if I would say it was more complicated, but surprising... In the second case, I was 12 years old. I was older, understood some things, but I was still a child. It all started when we went to Caraguatatuba, and my friend said that my uncle had asked her if she was still a virgin. I was 12 years old and my friend was a few months younger than me, still a child.
Some time later, I won't mention the place or provide exact details because, unfortunately, we still have contact with uncle Y. And for now, at least up to this moment, what happened cannot be public knowledge. Almost everyone in the family knows, but not everyone; there's a reason for that.
Some time later, I was unfortunately alone with him at home, and I never ever thought that something like that would happen because I would never suspect it. And believe it or not, he was my favorite uncle until that point. Well, he started asking weird questions like if I masturbated my boyfriend who at the time has been lying for 12 years. True, I didn't even know what that word actually meant, I mean, I had an idea but... I answered very surprised and shy: "no". And he, pretending to be completely surprised and incredulous said: 'I can't believe it, it's not possible, let me see.' He sat on the sofa beside me and did the same thing the other one did. He sat on my side of the couch and did the same thing the other one did. He started putting his fingers in my private part and touching it. But this time I was older and I already understood that this wasn't right, even though I was still a child, I already had this discernment, I already knew that what was happening there was not normal and couldn't happen.
I was in a state of shock, paralyzed and horrified, not understanding what was happening because I didn't expect this again. All the memories came rushing back from when I was 10 years old. And at 12, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me just a few years later.
My God, twice is a lot for just one person, not one person, one child to go through that!
Pedophiles exist all over the world, and there are more than we can imagine, men and women on every corner of every street.
This time there was no tickle, no good feeling. Only frustration, disappointment and confusion. I knew from then on that my uncle would no longer be seen with the same eyes by me. Oh, and by the way, uncle Y was pure cliché. After he stopped doing that horrific act, he told me that he shouldn't tell anyone, because he was trying to help me so that people would understand. Pathetic.
He stayed there for a few minutes with his hand on my vagina trying to do the unbelievable to a child...... Believe it or not, his goal - seeing it today as an adult it was clear - was to try to make a child "come". I'm sorry if it's really hard to read that. I'm really, really sorry.
The human beings are despiscable. That's why, daughter, if someone does something to you and tells you not to tell your parents, don't respond immediately, but tell us later. Don't confront a pedophile, don't argue, walk away and then tell us as soon as you have the opportunity, either in front of the person or far away, it doesn't matter! But always with more people around to protect you from a possible maniac, and what he could do to you if you faced him. You can expect anything from people.
In fact, I don't even know if pedophilia is a disease, it very likely is, but people have to ask for help, they have to go back, they have to do something about it, from the moment you mess with someone else's child, or It doesn't really matter, part of the moment you face this character that you are, there's no turning back. Seek help wherever it is, it's not my problem, nor other children's problem, it's exclusively the person's problem.
Don't they lock crazy people, let's say, in mental institutions, to live outside society? The same thing should happen to pedophiles if there is no treatment. emoving them from society is extremely important if there is no cure or some kind of treatment, as many children can be affected.
Many people in the family know about this uncle, but unfortunately, it wasn't possible to cut ties, and I'll explain why. In fact, it was very difficult for my dad in the beginning; he considered various alternatives but eventually reached a consensus that he couldn't do anything. We'll explain in detail if it hasn't leaked to everyone by the time you read this or if his mask hasn't fallen off by then. You will know everything, don't worry. And he will never have the opportunity to be alone with you, I promise you that. I will do everything in my power to shield you from what happened to me, but I can't promise that it will never happen. That's why I can give you the tools and teach you what to do in those situations. I will teach you how to defend yourself in such a situation so that you never go through what I went through. And then you can pass on this knowledge to any future children you may have.
This was an event that, honestly, I forgave the two people who did this to me. But I believe that beyond life, they won't go to a good place, and forgiveness won't come easily. I forgave from the heart, I just don't want them too close to my life, I always want to keep a distance. But for a long time, this destabilized me emotionally. I had many problems in my relationships, especially in terms of this part of my life. Not that anyone should be jealous or anything like that, but issues with intimacy. And to this day I'm very modest about sex, I don't like talking about it.
These are things that remain marked and I will always remember, until my last breath.
05/01 - Chapter 188: The places you have come to fear the most
Today was the day we went to the beach! The plan was to leave early, but your grandfather got caught up in his work, and we ended up leaving almost 1 p.m! The trip didn't even feel too long, but near our destination, we stopped at a restaurant called "Fazendinha," where besides dining, you can hold bunnies, ride ponies, and see various animals like goats and sheep.
It's pretty cool, but when it was time to leave, I was going to treat your grandfather and pay the bill, and he told me to stop being silly because it would be over 300.00, and it really was. In this restaurant, you pay over 100.00 per person. I don't think it's worth it in terms of food, more for entertaining the kids.
I opted for french fries, fried cassava, and a specific cut of meat I like called Cupim in Brazil. The view is also remarkable; it's very enjoyable to dine outside the restaurant.
Upon arriving in Caraguatatuba, we encountered heavy traffic on the city road due to ongoing construction. I wonder who the genius is that decides to do construction in the middle of January, the summer month and the peak of tourism. Quite intelligent...
So we arrived late in the afternoon, and it was raining. We only spent a few seconds on the beach, but it was raining and quite windy, so we left. But you seemed to enjoy it a lot; after all, you love the beach! I hope tomorrow's weather is better, and we can enjoy the beach together!
At night, we went to the ice cream shop. The hard part was finding a place to park because the city center was crowded like I had never seen before. Caraguatatuba remains the same size in terms of land, but the number of tourists keeps growing every passing year.
In the end, we found a parking space far away and walked to the ice cream shop. At Sérgio's ice cream shop, which I've loved since I was little (although the quality has declined in recent years), I ordered my favorite "prestígio" ice cream, your grandfather ordered mint, and you got to try it, and you LOVED it! You ended up finishing his entire ice cream. I had bought a green corn popsicle for you since you love corn, but you weren't interested in the popsicle; you wanted the mint ice cream scoop. For a baby your age, eating an ice cream scoop is much easier than licking a popsicle. I should have thought about that...
Afterward, we went to the playground. Oh, how my sister and I used to have fun in that amusement park. This amusement park is quite old, and my sister and I played a lot there. Our joy was going once a month during vacations (our parents could only afford to take us once), and we would go on that giant inflatable slide, which is still there.
There was a time when I went on a ride that was like a chair that went up high. However, up there, I realized that my safety lock had come loose. I must have been around 10 years old. I held onto the side of the chair as if there were no tomorrow. I screamed, and my parents begged the man to stop the ride. Astonishingly, he seemed unconcerned that a child could fall from the top and die, and he said it wasn't possible to stop and bring the ride down from up there. For that, it had to complete a full turn, and I had to hold onto the sides to avoid falling since my lock had opened. It was a day I almost died, and I don't even know why my parents didn't sue at the time. There were no cell phones to record and use as evidence, I guess. But from that day on, I learned that no matter how much I liked amusement parks and thrill rides, I wouldn't go on extreme rides in small parks like that. Today, I only go to Disney's, and even then, cautiously! Those with a lot of credibility.
I loved any kind of playground, but I learned to fear these places.
Returning to the story, your grandfather insisted on paying for three tickets for you and three tickets for Rafinha. You went on the carousel twice (you loved it the first time, but the second time you were impatient because it was very late and had passed your bedtime) and a ride called 'Minhocão,' where you enter a worm-shaped animal and ride on tracks. We had a great time.
06-07/01 - Chapter 189: Feel the world around you
We really enjoyed these two beach days, and it was very pleasant. On the first day, we woke up, got ready, and headed to the beach. All of us, along with many relatives. Your cousin Rafinha also joined us. We went to a beach near your grandparents' house, which is a 17-minute drive away. We affectionately call this beach 'PP' (Praia Podre - Rotten beach) because it's just plain ugly. When your dad saw it, he said it's the ugliest beach he has ever seen, even considering that the beach in Barcelona is quite unappealing. He mentioned that compared to Barcelona, Barcelona looks like the Caribbean. He also jokingly said that crabs probably committed suicide because the beach is so ugly...
To be honest, it's a good beach to go to with kids. It's very large, spacious, and not crowded. The sea is calm, not rough. The only downside is that the sand is very wet. You can't build sandcastles, play beach games, or change anything in the sand because it's too damp. The sand is also quite dark, giving the beach an unattractive appearance. The sea is quite dark too; you can't see anything once you're immersed in the water.
Rafinha slept a lot at the beginning of the beach day, and you played. Later, you switched roles when he woke up, and you took a nap for a while. Then I woke you up, and you had some fun together. However, since I woke you up, you were a bit grumpy and didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked. Rafinha ran along the beach, swam, and even drank 1 liter of seawater. It was a lot of fun.
Afterwards, we returned and had Grandma Celeste's famous esfiha. But when her esfiha was ready, you were already asleep. Also, you didn't really need to eat anything as you had quite a bit of fried potatoes and onions at the beach. Enjoy it because these are vacation days, and in the next few days, this good food life is over.
On the second day, when we woke up, it was scorching hot! The sun was filling the entire balcony, and it was very, very hot. But later, it became a bit cloudier, and we went to the beach. There was even a pleasant breeze! You slept in the car on the way there and also had a good nap at the beach, but when you woke up, you woke up happy and played. You always wake up happy. It's rare for you to wake up in a bad mood or crying. You wake up giving kisses, wanting to climb onto my lap, asking for milk... You and your cousin played in the sand, and this time we made sandcastles because it was a beach with suitable sand for that. I had a terrible slushie; they used a 1.99 orange juice and it taste horribly. Before, when I used to have it, it was passion fruit flavor and had a wonderful taste. At night, we went to the ice cream shop again, and this time I went all out, had two ice creams. And I bought a yogurt and peach scoop for you (I learned my lesson). You ate a bit, but it doesn't compare to the joy you had with the mint flavor. Later, we returned to pack up things for our journey back home the next day.08/01 - Chapter 190: I remember it all too well
We managed to plan well and left home at the intended time to ensure your father could attend his class. After all, we are only returning so he can attend the class. The trip was faster than I expected.
Almost halfway through, my father made a stop in a restroom to pee. Your father and my father didn't want to go in and eat anything, but Pietra and I quickly went in to buy some snacks. I bought two cheese breads and a coxinha. Believe it or not, the coxinha cost R$18, which is incredibly expensive. But I only found out the price when paying.
In the car, I gave your cheese bread, but not only were you very happy with your cheese bread, but you also took over mine. And so you had two, one in each hand. You ate a little bit of the coxinha, but you didn't like it as much as the cheese bread. To be honest, the coxinha wasn't even that good, certainly not worth R$18...
Your father went to class, and I went to my father's house to pick up the things that were there and then go to our house. When I arrived, I tried to get you to eat something, but in vain; you started throwing things on the floor.
We left home later than intended and didn't arrive at the daycare at 2:00 PM as I wanted; we arrived almost at 3:00 PM. To my surprise, you cried a lot when entering the daycare. Well, I shouldn't be surprised; it's been almost three months away from school. Your last day at school was on the day of your birthday party. After that, we traveled to Barcelona, and when we returned, you were hospitalized for two weeks. Then came the end-of-year and the holidays.
Before, you loved going to school; you never cried and adapted very well. In fact, when we arrived at the school, as soon as we reached the gate, you would extend your arms to the teachers. But not this time, even though your favorite teacher picked you up, you cried. My heart shattered into pieces, but I'm sure you will get used to it again.
For me, that day was very busy because, after dropping you off at the daycare, I worked all day without realizing the time passing. So, I ended up not enjoying almost anything of my day, not to mention the fatigue from the trip.
Melanie, you know something I noticed? Today I saw you looking at my breasts, and you pinched one of them. But you didn't think about nursing or milk at all. Since I stopped breastfeeding you at 11 months, it was a very easy and natural process for you. You didn't suffer at all when removing breast milk from you; you never looked for my breast, never cried for not receiving it anymore, and facing my breast, you felt absolutely nothing, no desire. I confess that I was a little sad about this because, despite the initial pain, I liked breastfeeding you. The only problem with breastfeeding for me was not being able to do various things like using several skin cleaning products, some spankings, some medications; this is a very annoying thing about breastfeeding. But again, I was very surprised at how easily you weaned.
I hear that for many children and mothers, weaning is traumatic; many mothers don't want to, but end up losing milk. Many mothers push it until the child is 5, 6 years old, which, for me, is crazy. And for the child, it's even more complicated because many become addicted to breastfeeding; they don't accept a bottle, don't want to give up breastfeeding at all. I started introducing the bottle early with you. I bought a specific one with a rose petal nipple, which is a nipple that imitates the mother's breast so that you wouldn't get unaccustomed to my breast but also quickly take to the bottle. And it worked great for us. I will always carry the time I breastfeed you in my heart. I miss it, but I remember it all too wel..
09-12/01 - Chapter 191: No man's land
The summary of the week: every day you went to school and as we dropped you off at the door, you cried. It saddens me because before we traveled to Barcelona, you were fine, didn't cry, and seemed so happy with the nursery. But from Monday to Friday, crying became inevitable. Later, the teachers said you were fine, cried a little here and there, but overall, you were okay. I hope you adapt soon. I think your cousin Rafinha will join in February, and I'm sure with him, you'll be much happier.
One thing I've noticed in you lately: you put too much pressure on yourself, and you get extremely frustrated when you can't do something. Those toys to assemble, fit together, when you can't, you throw them away, cry, get very irritated. I hope this personality trait doesn't persist in your life; otherwise, you'll be like your father. He also puts too much pressure on himself at times, you know? Babe, you need to always do your best, what you can. And if you can't, at least you tried. Try not to pressure yourself too much, do everything within your capabilities, and if it doesn't work out, don't blame yourself.
An important thing that happened this week was the couples therapy your father and I attended. The shrink herself said that the entire last year we kept talking about move out of here, move, move, and no action was taken. If we wait for the perfect moment, it will never happen. Your dad heard things he didn't want to hear, but he needed to. Now it seems he'll finally help me with this change and be part of the plan.
But one thing I had to give up for this to happen is incredibly hard for me. I had to give up San Diego. Apparently, now San Diego is the most expensive city to live in the U.S. It surpassed New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco... He said we should be happy to have known San Diego when we could afford it and when it was still a better place. Like all growing cities, the downsides start to appear. San Diego is expensive now because it's sought after, especially by celebrities and influencers. But I can't put into words how giving this up is crazy for me. I love the U,S, and I would live in several places there, but San Diego is my favorite place on earth, and I would do anything to live there. Not to mention that if we open our business there, we have many benefits: we know many people, close friends who could help with our business, etc, etc. We also know the city well since we lived there. We know the traffic hours; I know various roads, places, and neighborhoods there... And it's a very touristy city, which is great for business. The business I want to open actually has only one competitor, which is reasonable.
If we went to Orlando, for example, it wouldn't work. Orlando has very high competition in all business segments. And honestly, I don't fancy Orlando. A city with complicated traffic, extremely annoying traffic lights that take about five minutes to open at each stoplight, many, many Brazilians. I want to leave Brazil; I don't want to go to the United States with a population higher in Brazilians than Americans, for example. I want to get rid of Brazilians a bit. Not that I don't like Brazilians; many are helpful and welcoming, but Orlando is too Brazilian. Like Miami, for example. But Orlando takes the lead. So, I'm a bit upset about that, but I have to move on now and try to find an ideal place for the business to succeed, preferably with a beach. You love the beach.
Nikolas Ferreira, the only politician I truly like and who I believe is the only innocent one in Brazilian politics, is making some videos about January 8, 2023. January 8th, daughter, was when a frustrated population protested against Lula's presidency. But it's a very complicated story, very, very complicated to explain. Many there were innocent, people like your grandparents, for example, who went to protest were outraged by the election results, which many believe were stolen. Good people, but fed up with this country's violence and corruption. I believe some people have indeed been violent and unnecessary, and others, I believe, were placed there by the government itself to cause all that happened. So much so that many images disappeared, were deleted during the trial. I just know that many innocent people were arrested, more than 2000 people, with no evidence, no right to a trial... A horror!
And Nikolas is making a documentary about each political prisoner of January 8. The first one was a victim who eventually died. A family man, married, with two grown-up daughters. He had heart problems and needed medication. The medication wasn't given. Due to this, he eventually died. Imagine having a father who is a hardworking man, goes to protest, ends up being arrested, neglected, and killed because of it. Brazil is going through a very ugly phase. We're in a veiled dictatorship, a discreet dictatorship, but it's there.
The second episode was also another a lifelong farmer worker, with kids and a pregnant daughter. An elderly man. A dad. A grandfather. Who was also arrested and has no voice.
All I know is that these people were sentenced to 17 years in prison. I can tell you that this is one of the maximum sentences in Brazil. Although only 30 years of imprisonment are allowed, no prisoner actually serves 30 years. They usually get out much earlier. So the maximum sentence is usually between 15 to 17 years. And these people who were there protesting, even if they were vandalizing and breaking everything, even if they were trying to overthrow the government, which didn't happen, they don't deserve so many years in jail. There's a woman here who dismembered her husband, and her husband, your grandfather, knew him. She got 16 years and three months. How does a protester end up with more time than a cold-blooded murderer? Everything is wrong!
I can't live with this, so I try not to think because if I start thinking, I start to revolt and get depressed. I start thinking things that, you know, maybe it wouldn't be bad if one day I died and stopped seeing so much injustice, so many bad things in this world. But I can't have that kind of thought because now I have you, and you depend on me. But I'm extremely sad to know that the world you will live in every passing day is regressing more than it is evolving.
And it is very difficult for a country to interfere with others. A country usually goes to war for much more serious reasons like dispute of lands, terrorism, among others.
I just know that I feel a lot of pity for those people in prison because I know it could be my father, for example, if it were here in São Paulo, and there's nothing I could do. It makes us feel so small, so powerless. I can't even imagine what those families must be feeling. Brazil right now is a no man's land.
I hate injustice; I can't accept that while I'm living well, someone is being unjustly treated for whatever reason. The worst part for me is to see so much injustice and be tied hands, meaning you can't do absolutely anything to help the people who are being unjustly treated. This is something you'll have to prepare for in life. Throughout your life, you will encounter many people who feel wronged, and you might be one of them in any aspect of life. Despite the frustration and the feeling of powerlessness, I'll be honest with you, there isn't much you can do depending on the situation. The name itself says it all, 'injustice.' It's something that has always happened in the world. As we evolve as human beings, this should decrease, and it is decreasing. Sometimes, I find it hard to believe in evolution because all I see is decay.
13-14/01 - Chapter 192: Gone, baby gone
The weekend in Serra was very chill. You enjoyed a lot with your grandparents and Rafinha.
There was one night when your father, my parents, and I started watching a movie (Gone, Baby Gone). It had been a long time since we did that. We were close to finishing the movie when my sister called with her usual problems, and everyone had to abandon the movie to revolve around her. Apparently, she and Rafael are now separated, and Rafael needed to go after her, and he had no one to leave Rafinha with. So, my mom went there since it was afternoon, and he was already sleeping. I know that the story of these two is becoming a hell again. Apparently, now it's more serious than ever before, but still foolish. My sister is a complicated person. I'll summarize everything a bit so we don't waste our time, after all, this has nothing to do with our lives, but it can serve as a life lesson for you too.
All I can tell you is that it is public knowledge that my sister has already cheated on Rafael with a former friend of his. He forgave her, but she did it again. And I don't know if it was just once or several times. According to Rafael, it was several times.
As I told you, daughter, I think making mistakes is human, and I think that when a person makes a mistake and is truly remorseful, feeling bad, sad, down, and desperate for the act they did, I think they deserve forgiveness the first time. If the person repeats the same mistake, it's because they were never truly remorseful. So when the second mistake happens, it already shows that the person has questionable character, especially if it's the same mistake.
So, it's in my sister's character to betray. It wasn't a one-time thing, and she's a poor victim. No. My sister often looks for trouble. When her life is good, I think she gets bored and looks for a problem to get out of the boredom of her daily life. Betrayal is a very serious thing. It involves your character, your sense of humanity. It's sad to say this, but I'll simply tell you everything I remember from my life that can be used as a lesson for the future for you.
But, for example, your grandfather, he has also made his mistakes, and as a father, he can be wonderful, but as a husband, he has sometimes failed my mom. My father unfortunately cheated on my mother, and she forgave him, which I think is the right of the person, but when it happens again, I don't think forgiveness should be so easy, or maybe forgiveness shouldn't happen at all. But my father also used to look for trouble. Unfortunately, my father is a womanizer. Don't get me wrong, he does have some amazing qualities: he is a very honest person. There is no one more honest in the world than him, specially when it comes to money. There is no better person to trust your money with than your grandfather. He is honest, hardworking, a fighter, very intelligent, has above-average wit, loves the family unconditionally, but he also has his flaws, which are: he is very nervous, he is a womanizer too, he also looks for problems when life is good... And I believe that, in a way, this has been genetically passed on to your aunt. Like my father gave her light eyes, he also gave her this gene. This came from my paternal grandfather's family.
My dad's grandmother, who would be your great-great-grandmother, was a prostitute. A person totally connected with sex. Imagine back then... We're talking about very, very ancient times. We're talking about the time of World War II, daughter. And this gene of promiscuity, also found in your grandfather, is also found in your aunt. So, the genetics is extremely powerful, extremely complicated too.
That's why adoptions of children are complicated, and many people are afraid. I myself find it a wonderful act, I find it beautiful because the person doesn't know what will happen from now on. The environment also shapes the child and their future, but genetics is a very important factor, and against genetics, adoptive parents can't do absolutely anything. So it's an act of love and an act of extreme courage that I myself am not capable of doing.
For example, you, you will have traits of my personality, both physical and character traits, and you'll also have traits of your dad's personality. You also have from your maternal or paternal grandparents, great-grandparents... The genetics and DNA are all there.
Returning to the story, we only managed to finish the movie the next day. But if I knew that I would get so upset with the movie, I honestly would have preferred not to finish it. Pretend that movie never existed. I'm like that; I rather not to watch it when it messes with my head. Let me summarize the movie for you. The movie is called "Gone, Baby, Gone." It's an old film, which surprised me that we hadn't watched it yet, especially being a thriller movie. In the past, we've practically seen every thriller movie that exists on the face of the earth.
Before having Netflix and streamers, there was something in the world called a "video rental store", or known as Blockbusters. Blockbuster, in this case, was just the name of one of the rental stores that existed in the world. And what were these rental stores? They were places that had various movies and TV series on DVD, and these DVDs contained CDs, and before that, they were cassette tapes. The time of the rental store, to be honest, was more about cassette tapes; it was something older.
Cassete tapes magnetic tape-based storage systems for video content and were commonly used for renting movies from video rental stores . VHS tapes had to be rewound to the beginning before returning them to the rental store, otherwise you had to pay a fee (hilarious, I remember this very well). This rewinding process was necessary because VHS tapes operated linearly, and if a customer returned a tape without rewinding it, the next person who rented it would need to rewind it before watching. To rewind the tape, whether it was 1, 5, 10 minutes, or the entire movie, you had to rewind the film, which took some or several minutes. There was no option like the CD that, for example, with the click of a button, you can go back to the beginning of the movie or return to what you're watching.
So, we had a kind of buffet, but for movies, where we could rent the films we wanted. There were many, many options separated by sections. Every weekend, we would rent - mostly - thriller movies to watch, and sometimes even during the week. There were times when we would arrive at the video store and simply wouldn't find any movies left for us to watch, given the many films we had already seen. Those were good times, my daughter. It was enjoyable go to the video store, spending time looking for movies, reading the synopses, talking to people to ask if they had seen a particular film. It was quite nice. And this movie, being so old, from the era of video stores, I couldn't understand how we hadn't watched it.
He told the police that if a pedophile is on one side, he automatically stands on the other side.
However, as the movie progressed, he started to become suspicious of the police. And he was right. The police were indeed involved in the kidnapping of the girl. But let me tell you how: The girl's uncle was very attached and close to her, and he saw the mother's negligence increasing regularly. He knew that sooner or later, the girl could end up dead. He had such a great love for the girl that he sought help from these police officers who worked in child welfare. And what was the big twist? The police officers themselves kidnapped the girl, staged her death, and she ended up under the care of that police officer who had lost his own daughter at the age of 12.
The movie's ending shows the detective going to the house of the police officer who lost his daughter because he was suspicious and he was right. The girl was there. He saw her running into the arms of the police officer, calling him "daddy". She had been missing for some time, I believe months, so that police officer had become a father figure to her. This girl didn't know the love of a father or a mother, only from her uncle and aunt. She was very attached to the police officer. However, the detective found them just as they were about to leave town, possibly leaving the country, with their bags packed in the car.
The police officer begged him not to report them because he was taking good care of the child. He was doing it for himself too, but mostly for the child. Then, the politically correct detective says it's absurd, a crime, and that the child needs to stay with her mother. The police officer tells him that he's too young to understand, but when he's his age, he will understand. He warns that if the detective calls the police, he will regret it for the rest of his life. The scene is cut, implying that the detective is indeed going to report the police officer.
The next scene shows him with his girlfriend, who was waiting outside. She says she saw everything and that the little girl seemed happy. She tells him not to take the girl away from that family. The detective asks his girlfriend not to ask him that because it goes against his principles of morality and ethics. She says if he reports it, she will end up hating him, and she doesn't want that. She argues that it's absurd to report it when the girl is finally happy, being well taken care of and loved. The girl will have a good environment, attend a good school, and have birthday parties. That should be enough for him to be able to rest his head on his pillow peacefully, considering the girl would finally have a good life with someone who can provide love.
The scene is once again cut. And the next scene that appears is heart-wrenching, with several police cars arriving at the location where the officer was with the child. At the scene, the officer was sitting in his rocking chair, tenderly holding the little child in his arms. He was awaiting the arrival of the police to then be arrested. The officers arrive and arrested him. The child runs into the arms of the officer's wife, whom she probably now called mother. This scene is even harder to watch. She clings desperately to the woman, the officers try in every way to pry her away, and it takes a good amount of time to succeed. You could see the child's desperation in leaving those people and the thought of returning to live with her mother.
At that moment, all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of justice, a hatred, an anger, an incredulity that I can't put into words. I can't believe that a person in their right mind would prefer to leave the child in the hands of a mother who doesn't care, a drug-addicted man, a mother who shouldn't even be called a mother, instead of letting the child be happy. You had that power in your hands. It's that age-old dilemma: follow the law or do what's right?
I know I was horrified by the thread of events, and in the end, it shows the reunion of the daughter with her mother. You can see that upon reuniting, the mother waits a bit anxiously for her daughter, but you can see that the daughter, upon seeing the mother, shows no sense of joy, no smile, nothing! That says it all. And in the end, it shows the mother apparently no longer using drugs, a promise she made when her daughter reappeared, but neglecting the girl again. She was already going out with a new boyfriend, not knowing who would actually take care of the girl while she was away. Since the detective kept an eye on the girl from the beginning, she asked him to watch over her while she went out. It showed the girl watching TV, completely sad and bored while her mother went out to have fun. It also hinted, at least, that it would now be the detective's responsibility from that day on to always keep an eye on the girl, essentially becoming her father. He would have this responsibility forever now.
The girlfriend, I don't even need to mention, abandoned him as well. It showed a scene of her packing her bags and leaving the house. And she is absolutely right.
I was very upset with the movie. There are several aspects to analyze. Many people were involved in this supposed crime with good intentions, aiming to save a child from a future that everyone already knew would be bleak. People mobilized and created a plan to save her. And in the end, what happened? The uncle was arrested, and the aunt couldn't handle the backlash and moved to another country. In other words, the two people who genuinely loved the girl since birth could no longer be in her life. The three police officers who got involved to save this child, two were killed, and another was likely imprisoned for the rest of his life.
Now, the mother of the girl, completely irresponsible, whose actions almost led her daughter to death several times, never had custody of her daughter taken away. Who suffers the most from this entire story? The child! And whom should the state care for and protect more than anything? Also, the child!
Four well-intentioned people had their lives completely destroyed, of course, due to the actions they set in motion, but also because another person couldn't see the genuine side of it. After all, intention should ALWAYS matter in every aspect of life, FOR EVERYTHING!
And so, all of us who were watching the movie became outraged—me, your father, my father, and my mother. It's a movie that I want to forget and erase from memory because every time I think about it, I get nervous. Not only that, I opened my movie and series app, which is an app where you give a rating every time you watch movies and series and has comments from people who watched, thinking that people would be outraged and disbelieving too. To my surprise, there were more comments applauding the detective's actions than judging him. Many were even criticizing the actions of the police and the uncle, saying they deserved what they got. I don't even know what made me more nervous, whether it was the comments or the movie itself. I know there were comments worse than others. Besides the one I mentioned, there were comments like: "I can't believe this actor played the villain in the movie for the first time". How exactly did he play the villain? How is that being a villain? Values are completely inverted in the society we live in. This inversion of values is getting worse and more dangerous. The hero has become the villain, and the villain has become a hero. The criminal has become the victim, and the victim has become a criminal. It's unbelievable, unacceptable. Other comments saying that these corrupt police officers are a great shame. Corrupt? I can't believe it. It makes me nervous.
Once again, I felt down, and I couldn't sleep thinking about this movie. And it's true, daughter, the inversion of values is widespread worldwide. I know that morally and ethically, the detective did the right thing, but if you think about it, he did the right thing only morally, without considering the child. These children who have such mothers, whether in the United States or anywhere in the world, have specific outcomes: either they end up dying, or they get lost in the world of drugs, or they end up in some institution that houses children. A small percentage may turn out well, but in any case, they long for contact with their parents for all they have been through. And I'm sure that if this detective were to ask the girl in the future if he did the right thing, she would say no. He took away her chance of having a real family, of having a beautiful, happy, and healthy life. That mother would move on just as easily. When the child disappeared, she was on the couch with another drugged friend, simply not caring about anything.
She's that type of mother who goes out with lots of guys. Then she starts dating someone who is usually no good, and ends up abusing and raping her own daughter. And when the child says something, he catches it or is making up stories. I've heard so, so many cases like this. And hers was clear that it had every chance of being like that too. BUT HEY, he did the morally right thing, right? CLAPS (irony)
It's a morally challenging movie to discuss, but not for me.
15-19/01 - Chapter 193: Chatterbox
A week has been great. It starts with the fact that you're no longer crying about going to school, and that makes me very happy. And next week, we'll have surprises: your cousin Rafinha is going to join the same school as you, and he'll be in the nursery as well.
This week has been wonderful for me and your dad, and we could enjoy our evenings watching 'The Golden Bachelor.' Do you remember when I told you about the reality show 'The Bachelor'? At the end of last year, they launched 'The Golden Bachelor,' featuring senior people looking for love. It was incredibly better than all the previous seasons combined.
These are elderly individuals not seeking fame, Instagram followers, or wanting to be influencers. They are genuinely searching for love, and that made all the difference in the show. It's not only more emotional and entertaining to watch, but it's also touching. You don't question if person X or Y is there genuinely to find love or just to make money with TikTok and Instagram. It's a different vibe, completely different. We really enjoyed watching it.
And the ending was actually surprising. Your dad and I were shocked, but we enjoyed watching it. It's so different from the reality shows with younger people, where the Bachelor and the finalist already married a few months later. In 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' very few couples end up getting married. There's a very low success rate.
The highest success rate so far was 'Bachelor in Paradise,' but I believe 'The Golden Bachelor' and, if there's a 'The Golden Bachelorette' too, will change those statistics. Especially considering the last 'Bachelor in Paradise' in 2023, where all the formed couples broke up even before the last episode aired. They just want fame. That's it.
Another thing that happened this week is that you learned to say 'bye-bye.' When I picked you up from school, your favorite teacher said, 'bye-bye, Mel,' and you responded, 'bye-bye.' We were thrilled. Now you're saying several little words: 'Mama' was the first. But 'Mama' serves for both mommy and your milk. 'Nenê' was the second. 'Papa' the third. 'Baba,' you've always said, but it doesn't mean anything.
Recently, you learned to say: 'Pepé' (our kitty's name), 'VOVÔ,' and finally, 'bye-bye.' You're so intelligent.
Only on Friday was a bit tough for us because you had to have blood drawn to investigate the causes of a possible allergy. It's important for your dad, so I have to give in a bit on my side too. I honestly think the test will come back negative for everything; the doctors have already said that at this age, the chance is always negative. So, I believe it was not only a waste of time but also another traumatic event for you.
Just sitting on the examination bed, you were already screaming (because you're already traumatized with the ICU), and it was about 10 minutes quite desperate. Yes, 10 minutes... which, in an adult, takes a few seconds or a bit more, but for you, it was quite a long time. The blood was coming out very, very slowly, and it was so slow that your dad even thought he might have to take it from the other arm. And you screaming... but this time, I also didn't leave your side, although I was almost fainting because I can't have much contact with blood.
It was a delightful week, and I am very grateful for all these days with you. I love you, princess!
20-21/01 - Chapter 187: A lost blue heart
Weekend as usual, we spent it with your grandparents at their house. You had a lot of fun with your little cousin, and we also had lunch at your aunt's house on Sunday.
Two things happened this weekend: one of them is that I cried a lot because I was playing with you and wanted to show you my Tiffany heart bracelet. I've had a necklace from Tiffany for over seven years, and in 2018, I bought the bracelet in San Diego that matches the necklace. I've had the bracelet for almost six years now. To my surprise, when I went to show you the bracelet, I couldn't find the heart pendant. I remember almost having a mini heart attack, spinning the bracelet like crazy trying to find my pendant. And when I realized that it really wasn't there and I had lost it, I started crying and felt very upset for a few days. After all, Tiffany jewelry is quite expensive. Even though I bought it in the United States, which is relatively much cheaper than in Brazil, it's still a high price. Just to give you an idea, here in Brazil, the same bracelet is currently priced at R$2600 in May 2024. In the United States, as always, it's cheaper, but it still costs around R$1400. So, it's not every day that we lose R$1400, right?! I was very upset because it's a piece of jewelry that I really like and never take off. I'm so used to both the necklace and the bracelet. But patience, things like this happen in life. Now, I have to wait for us to go to San Diego again so I can buy another one. Maybe they sell just the pendant for the bracelet; yes, I can save a bit.
Now, another thing that happened over the weekend was a scandal involving a priest here in São Paulo. His name is Júlio Lancelloti, and he actally used to lecture in my former college "University São Judas Tadeu".
For the 2022 elections, he had declared support for Lula. Not only does he vote for Lula, but he is a leftist priest, very close to all the party leaders, and also a communist. Well, everything would be fine if things stopped there. But no... There was a scandal involving a leaked video of him masturbating to a minor. Later, this video went for forensic analysis, and the two experts confirmed that the video was authentic. However, instead of arresting and criticizing the priest, the left started saying that the experts were Bolsonaro supporters. In other words, the experts wanted to harm the priest because he supported Lula.
Sometimes I'm disheartened by these things. Everything has become politically biased. If you are on side X, automatically side Y is all evil. Everything they do is on the side of evil, and vice versa. This is absurd.
After researching further, we can find that the priest had allegations of pedophilia back in 2007, with a second accusation a few years later. So, this is the third one. Where there's smoke, there's fire. It's not because he voted for Lula that I'm going to criticize the guy. I think the problem is very simple. If the priest is really a pedophile, he has to be arrested, regardless of political party because this doesn't fit into political parties. Now, I think if they want to harm a priest also because of a political party, those people trying to harm the priest should be arrested. And that's how all reasonable people should think. If someone did something wrong, committed a crime, especially such a serious crime involving a child, you don't have to find out whom the person voted fr to decide whether to throw them under the bus or not; that's absurd, it makes no sense. And that's exactly how the world has been in recent years, entirely political.
I'm not an expert; I don't know if this video is true or not. I hope that if it is, he is punished, and if it's not, other people are punished. I don't care about whom he voted for or whom the experts support or who is spreading these lies if they turn out to be false. Have people lost their sense of humanity?
This priest has appeared several times performing charitable acts, like delivering food to the needy on the streets. But remember, this doesn't mean anything; positive actions don't erase the negative ones. Remember how I used to think my uncle wasn't bad just because he bought stickers for me? That doesn't erase what he did to me. Of course, stickers are not the same as feeding the poor, but the point is that good deeds don't outweigh bad actions. Many use it as a mask, and others perhaps as remorse? I can't say.
My second abuser, for instance, he is catholic. Unlike me, he believes in a God. Him believing, my God, makes it even more confusing for me because if he believes in God, in judgment, in heaven and hell, does he think his actions will go unpunished? Isn't he afraid of divine punishment? It's confusing.
Well, all I want to say is that the priest, being on the side of the government he supports, and that same government being in power, even if he is guilty, most likely nothing will happen to him because that's exactly how Brazil is. It's all, everything, a political matter.
As I told you, people really wish death, for example, on others who didn't vote for the same candidate as they did. It's very surreal, but it's true. I've seen many on the internet defending the priest, leftists, of course.
Everything is wrong.
I hope justice is served, either for the child victims or for the victim of fake news, the priest. And I feel sorry for humanity that common sense seems to have been lost.
22/01 - Chapter 187: Double-trouble
Today was finally Rafinha's first day at school with you. To our surprise, unlike the first time, he didn't cry. As soon as he saw the school, he ran towards the playground, smiling and happy. It was so good to see.
At night, your grandma and great-grandma picked both of you up and brought you to the apartment. We had coffee together with Aunt Rosane and Giovanna, who arrived shortly after. Neither you nor your cousin had taken a nap at school, and you were playing a lot until the evening. The folks left after 9 PM, so you fell asleep very quickly.
Here's to more fun and happy days ahead!
23/01 - Chapter 187: Orange chicken
Today, once again, you and your cousin were inseparable at school. The teachers mentioned that you do everything together, like siamese siblings. She even sent an adorable photo, and the way he looks at you is so lovely!
After that, your aunt Tayna picked you both up half an hour earlier and took you to her house. Arriving there, still super excited, she had a movie session with you. She put on Mickey Mouse movie and made cheese bread for both of you. She said you had so much fun, playing until late at night with so much energy.
You went to bed past midnight, and you're not used to that anymore, so you were exhausted and only woke up at 11 in the morning the next day.
Before going to sleep, around 10:30, your grandmother called me so I could see you on the camera, and only then did I realize how sleepy you were. Despite having fun, when you saw me, you wanted mommy's cuddles, and I really wanted to hold you.
Today was the day I spent the longest time away from you, and I missed you a lot. I dropped you off at school at 2 PM, and I will only see you tomorrow at 6:30 PM when I pick you up. My heart is feeling a bit tight, and I can't wait to see you.
You slept at your grandparents' house tonight because your dad and I had a meeting with the immigration lawyer at 7 PM. Everything is in progress, and we still have a long way to go. But there's still hope. I'll talk more about it when things start to unfold!
After that, we had a nice evening, just the two of us. Your dad cooked my chicken with orange sauce (one of my favorite dishes), and I ate like a champ. A giant plate. I hadn't eaten anything all day just to enjoy my orange chicken. I learned to eat orange chicken when I was babysitting for Korean kids, and their mom bought a bag of chicken from the supermarket that came with the orange sachet. I fell in love from that moment on. Now, to maintain a delicious habit that I can't live without, I always import the orange sauce from Panda Express whenever I can, which, to me, is the best.
Afterward, we watched a movie, 'The Postcard Killings.' A reasonable film, good enough to pass the time, but quite predictable. Your dad liked it a lot. Movie nights are always great. Too bad I couldn't make my cookies because I was too full from the chicken. Eating that giant plate almost midnight... I'll regret it tomorrow when I see the size of my belly.
24/01 - Chapter 188: Spoonfed is old but gold
Today I was eager to pick you up because I've never been away from you for such a long time. However, just as I was about to leave, your grandmother called and said she would pick you up since she was already on her way to get Rafinha, and then drop you off at home. Well, what's another 15 minutes, right?
You finally arrived, but you were sleeping. I carried you in my arms for about 50 minutes and then decided to wake you up since it was getting late, and I was afraid you wouldn't sleep at night. But that's a very common mistake among parents: waking up the baby. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU WAKE UP THE BABY.
You are a package of joy and happiness most of the time, but when someone wakes you up, you wake up in a very, very bad mood. If you wake up on your own, you're happy, but when someone forces you to wake up, you get very, very cranky. Lesson learned.
The rest of the night you spent crying and irritable until bedtime. Earlier, dinner time, as always, was a struggle.
As I briefly mentioned, you no longer want to eat with a spoon. You only want to eat with your hands, which makes it impossible for you to eat various foods like spaghetti, rice, beans, soup, lasagna... we have to break the routine and do something different so you can eat with your hands; otherwise, you refuse.
All because today's generation invented this nonsense trend of "eating with hands" to develop faster, for the child to be "independent" and feel textures... Screw that. Your cousin Rafinha never ate with his hands and eats infinitely better than you, even with a spoon. And now he eats some things with his hands, but the main meal is with a spoon. And his mom doesn't suffer from it, while I, I listened to your dad and got screwed. If I have another children in the future, no more bullshit like this. Spoonfed was just fine for so many decades...
As I always say, people like to dictate rules and trends, always thinking that what worked for their children will necessarily work for others' children. Every child is unique and different.
For example, many children cannot use wet wipes because it causes diaper rash. Assuming a mother used wet wipes and her child got a rash, it's still wrong for her to tell other mothers, "Don't use wet wipes because it causes an allergy." Not necessarily. For example, you always used wet wipes and never had an allergy, only during the ICU period when you were taking antibiotics. So, the right thing would be to say, "I don't use wet wipes because in MY child it caused diaper rash. Keep an eye out to see if it won't cause it in yours."
You, for example, in San Diego used a very famous spray sunscreen, and it gave you an allergy. It's not because it gave you an allergy on your skin that it will happen to other children. There's no method or magical formulas. No one has or knows the secret to raising a perfect child without mistakes. What works for one may not work for another and vice versa. You can share personal experiences of your children, but never think that those paths are universal rules and methods.
25/01 - Chapter 189: Doing things for the right reasons
This Thursday is hoday in Brazil, so you won't have school. And tomorrow is a holiday extension, so you won't have school either.
Camila, my friend who is living in San Diego and hosted us at her house last year, invited us this week to visit her, as she is in Brazil. I said I would go on Thursday because then I could take you, considering it's a holiday and you wouldn't have school. That way, she would get to see you, and you would also have the opportunity to play with her son, Luca.
As I had already planned to go on Thursday, I bought some gifts: a box with two heart-shaped decorated with flavors of "pães de mel" and "Palha Italiana" for Camila, the same box for her mother-in-law, Matt's mom, who gave you such nice gifts in San Diego, and is very affectionate with you. I also bought a small box with four M&M brigadeiros for Camila's mother.
When I saw the chocolate hearts I bought, I was tempted to take one, but I resisted! Rosana is amazing, a divine pastry chef, and she made all the sweets and cakes for all your monthly anniversaries.
Besides everything, I needed to bring a gift for Camila's son since he turned one in January. I knew Camila had also bought you presents. I asked my mom to check if your cousin Rafinha had any unopened Christmas gifts, and I would pay your aunt Tayna so I wouldn't have to waste time going to the store. The only toy he had was for ages three and up, a toy car track. I brought the same one so I wouldn't go empty-handed. I also bought a very cute Spider-Man sneaker for him. As a mother, I know that shoes are essential when kids start walking.
It took about 40 minutes to get to Camila's mother's house, and when we arrived, you were very shy. Actually, you are always quite shy around everyone you know, and even more so with those you don't know or don't remember. You become very timid.
As always, you remained very shy and didn't interact much. With Luca, you never really interacted much either; he's not much of an interactive kid either, so your interaction ends up being very limited.
I chatted with Camila for a while, and it was great to see her mother-in-law again. Camila gave you a beautiful Nike outfit and a device that you put in your ear to listen to music through your phone's Bluetooth, helping avoid screens. These are two very nice and thoughtful gifts; I felt bad about the three-year-old gift. Having said that, when I got home in the evening, I bought a silk pajama similar to yours and had it delivered to her house; I hope she likes it. And to wrap it up, the shoes I had bought, I got the same size as yours and your cousin's, thinking it would take a while for Luca to wear them. But I was mistaken; his feet and hands are so chubby and big that the shoes that fit you at one year and three months, and your cousin at one year and eight months, didn't fit him just turning one. I was shocked, hahaha. In other words, neither of the two gifts worked out. Only the chocolates did. But I will make it up. I know how to be grateful to those who are good to me, especially to my daughter.
We stayed a little longer, and her mother invited me for coffee, made cheese bread and cake. They offered to make your lunch, and I thanked God because I was still going to a bakery to eat with you, then pick up your great-grandmother from her house, and finally head to Serra. She had prepared some pasta, meat, peas, and vegetables. But of all the foods they prepared for you, the only thing you ate was peas. Honey, you can't spend your whole life eating only peas and corn.
Camila was complaining about the same thing I was, struggling with Luca's food precisely because of this new method of eating with hands. Now he also refuses to be spoonfed. This is the third case I've seen, including yours. Besides you, there's Camila, and my grandma told me about a mother in Caraguatatuba.
So, this method doesn't work as well as they say, does it? Well, lesson learned. If I have another child, being fed with a spoon equals your cousin. Your cousin eats very well, is much healthier, and eats everything! He also knows how to pick up things with his hands.
Camila's family saw the struggle I go through trying to feed you, saw how little you eat and how difficult it is for you to accept any kind of food.
After chatting a bit more with Camila, we went home.
One of the reasons I visited her was because she had her breast implants removed. This is becoming quite common now. Many women who had breast implants are now wanting to remove them. Besides her, my cousin Mariana also wants to.
When I asked her why she wanted to remove them, she said it was trendy at the time, but now it's not, and she's tired of it. Funny how each person is really different. I got my breast implants when I was 18, and to this day, it's one of the things I like the most about myself; I wouldn't remove them for anything in the world. I never had large breasts, quite the opposite; I had absolutely nothing in the way of breasts, I looked like a man. I even used to call myself 'monkey chest,' 'mosquito bite,' 'surfboard' because I really had no breasts at all. This was something that bothered me a lot and crushed my self-esteem. It's one thing to have small breasts and not mind or even like them. It's another thing to have something, or in my case, not have something in your body that makes you feel ugly and small compared to others. That's exactly how I felt.
I remember an event where I was going to have a pool party to celebrate my birthday at your grandparents' current house. I went to several bikini stores to find one that would look good on me. I couldn't find any, and in the last store, in the fitting room, I burst into tears because no bikini looked good on me, nothing made my breasts look nice. This is not a matter of pleasing a man or following trends. Having large breasts is something that I personally found beautiful. So I did it for myself. That's the important thing about plastic surgery or anything you don't like about yourself; you have to like or dislike it. Under no circumstances should you do anything for trends or to please others. If, for example, a man tells you to get breast implants here or there, and it's not your desire, don't think twice. I only did it because it bothered me and made me sad. So much so that nowadays many people remove breast implants precisely because they didn't do it for the right reasons. They did it to look more beautiful in the eyes of men or because it was trendy, not to be more beautiful in their own eyes, which is the most important and the only thing that matters.
So, babe, the chance of you having small breasts is really high due to your genetics, my DNA, just as I inherited from my mother. Although my mother's breasts weren't as small as mine. I would even post a before-and-after photo of mine, but I could never publish it on the internet, so I can show it to you personally, or you can see it in my saved photos on Google Drive.
So remember, the issue is not having plastic surgery; there's nothing wrong with that. If you really have something that bothers you and makes you sad about your body, I will be the first to support you, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. However, explaining this to your father might be a bit more complicated. Your father is entirely against procedures, plastic surgeries, etc. He's right about many things, and many people indeed go overboard with what they're going to do. But not everyone does it for the wrong reasons. Many women today destroy their own faces and beauty with lip fillers, facial harmonization, and the majority looked much better before the procedure. But in this situation, people go for exaggeration and refuse to age. Also, many do it for followers on social media, which is even worse.
I agree that most of the time, the result looks ugly, but I would never, for example, go to someone or on their social media and say that, be the person famous or not. Because that's called common sense, something that is lacking a lot in people today. Many people have committed suicide because of hurtful comments on the internet; some famous people are even deleting their social media after doing these surgeries or cosmetic procedures, and many criticize them, saying they look worse, very ugly, ruined. This really affects those people. It's something you can think about, discuss with someone, but never say it to someone to hurt them. Why? It's that person's life, not yours; what you think or don't think shouldn't be important to that person, and your opinion shouldn't be said if it wasn't asked for. I find it ugly when people do that; the world needs more common sense. Not everything you think should be said; you might end up alone without anyone around you.
There's a saying that's very nice: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Do what makes you happy, what you dream and aspire to, but without exaggeration. And never to please anyone.
Count on me for support, to stand by your side in your decisions. I know that if you decide to change something about yourself, it will be because it is genuinely important to you and not influenced by others. And since I've been through this and know what it feels like to feel so inferior and so sad about something in your own body, I'll be there to support you.
I, too, had a rhinoplasty; my nose was quite unattractive. What's worse is that I wasn't born with it looking that way; it changed after adolescence, and I had a big bump on the bridge of my nose. When I underwent septoplasty surgery, I took the opportunity to address my nose as well. I also remember having my tonsils done at the same time. I suffered a lot, but I loved the result. Since I didn't want anything artificial, upturned, or fake, my nose looks very realistic. There isn't a single person who thinks my nose is plastic surgery because I did something very subtle; I only addressed the bone that bothered me. I don't want to change my face; I don't want to alter my identity.
But remember that we can't change everything we don't like. For example, I would love to have light-colored eyes; the most I can do is buy contact lenses. Another thing that bothers me a bit is my height; if I were 10 cm taller, I would be happy. The most I can do is wear high heels. Not everything we don't like about ourselves can be changed; some things we have to accept as they are. Remember that you need to be capable enough to distinguish between what temporarily bothers you and what you genuinely despise. Some things that bother us today might not bother us in a few years, or we might even come to find them beautiful. So, there is a difference between something that bothers us and something we truly detest.
Oh, your dad didn't join us today because he had the final tattoo session with a volunteer from the course he's taking. Today, he got Pikachu.
Pikachu is an incredibly cute character from a show called 'Pokémon.' Conceived in the early 1980s, Pokémon are creatures that inhabit a fictional world. The designs for the multitude of species can be inspired by anything from animals, plants, mythological creatures, to even inanimate objects. Humans capture these 'Pokémon' and train them to battle each other using their various types of attacks. Despite not watching much of the show, I had my favorite Pokémon called Charmander. It was very cute!
Take a look at the result of your dad's tattoo. It's my favorite tattoo that he's done so far!
26-28/01 - Chapter 190: That 70's show
I'll summarize the holiday for you, babe: on the night we arrived, your dad didn't come because he was working on his new tattoo on his last volunteer.
We stopped at your great-grandmother Sonia's before heading to Serra. When we got there, a delightful surprise awaited us: your great-grandma had made my favorite cake for everyone. It's called "Peteleco" cake. This cake is very easy to make, you don't even need a mixer. It's a very, very old recipe. My grandma used to make it since I was very little, and this recipe passed on to my mother, and then to my mother's family, and so on. My grandma said she got this recipe from a friend of hers when they worked together at school because this cake was already a hit at the school parties where she taught. She mentioned that everyone would ask for and buy this cake, and then ask for the recipe too. It's a fluffy chocolate cake with a thick topping on top. This thick topping adds all the charm and unique taste to the cake.
For sure, you'll get to try this delight very soon. And the good thing about this cake is that it really tastes great on the first day. It's the most delicious day, but on the following days, it still tastes good for a long time. To my surprise, your father tried the cake the next day and liked it a lot. Especially considering that it's a chocolate cake and quite sweet. The topping is made with Nescau, the cocoa powder he criticizes so much when I have it in my milk. And he loved the cake, said it's very fluffy and delicious. I was quite surprised because this cake has a lot of sugar. And my mom isn't a big fan of this cake because she finds it too sweet. And your father's taste buds reject much sweeter things than my mom's. Go figure...
Now, moving away from the cake, on Saturday, I really wanted to take you to a little farm close by. A place with some animals like sheep, rabbits, horses, and some toys like swings, a merry-go-round – a place for you to run around and play. I had chosen a farm near my parents' house, a place my parents used to take my sister and me to quite often when we were kids. There was a restaurant in front where we would eat either before or after going to the little farm. So, I typed the name into Google and noticed that the name of the little farm had changed. As soon as I entered the old name, the new name automatically appeared. So, I assumed they had only changed the name. I called them, asked if they were open, and they said they would be open until 4:00 PM. So, all of us, including your aunt and cousin Rafinha, went to the little farm. However, when we got there, we realized that the little farm was closed – no more animals, gates locked, no activities, no people. It seemed like that little farm no longer existed. And when we checked, we realized that the little farm I was looking for was not the same. I don't know why Google located it when I was searching for another one, but it was not the same, and it was in a different location, much farther away. We wouldn't make it in time. See what a rushed search and communication can do. If I had the right address and confirmed with my dad, this wouldn't have happened. But sometimes, we do things in such a hurry that things go even more wrong.
We decided to just eat at the restaurant. Well, actually, your dad, your grandpa, your great-grandma, and your aunt ate. My mom and I, since we had a very late breakfast, weren't hungry. So, we wouldn't waste a significant amount of money just to nibble on some snacks. But when we got inside the restaurant, at the back, there was a small little farm too. I think, since they closed the front little farm and knew that many people would come to the restaurant because of the little farm, to not lose customers, they ended up creating a little farm at the back of the restaurant. It was a very lovely surprise; you all could play a bit – there were horses and chickens. However, as soon as you started playing, it began to rain heavily. We had to go inside the restaurant. So, my mom and I watched everyone eat, tried to get you to eat, which is always a futile effort, considering you've been eating poorly, and nothing seems to change that...
After a while, the rain stopped, and we went outside again to play a bit. The problem was that the rain had soaked the grass so much that it was quite tricky to walk on the lawn; it was very muddy. But that didn't stop us from letting you all have a bit of fun.
In the end, it wasn't a completely wasted trip; you all enjoyed it a bit. Fortunately, it was close by, not too far from home.
During the four days we stayed there, for three of them, you gave us quite a hard time getting you to sleep. I think because you were so excited to be at your grandparents' house, with everyone, you didn't want to go to sleep. It was past midnight, and nothing. It was quite challenging, especially because we're so used to our routine where you start sleeping early at home.
This routine is essential, especially for the life as a couple between me and your dad. When you were going to bed late, things were quite complicated in our relationship. But when we created a new routine for you to sleep earlier, whether it's 9:00 PM, 10:00 PM, or even 10:30 PM, it opens up a space for us to have some free time to do things together. For example, we can watch a movie, have a conversation, and do our own things, even if separately. So, this routine, this consistency, has greatly helped our relationship. And it's important for us to have some time for ourselves as well, to do our own things.
For instance, when you go to bed very late, we are tired too. We usually sleep around midnight or 1:00 AM. So when you sleep at that time, we don't have time to do absolutely anything. We go straight to bed just like you. So, during this holiday, we wanted to watch some movies and series together with my parents, and if you sleep late, we end up not being able to. My parents can manage because they stay up very late, but your dad and I are not used to it anymore; the routine has changed, and it has indeed improved.
Now we are rewatching a series with your grandparents called 'That '70s Show.'
I started watching this series in San Diego in 2018 when I went there for the first time. I began watching it when I was in my dorm room alone. When I went there, I had rented a dorm room for three months with my own money, without anyone's help, so that I could have a separate room all to myself. I didn't want to share a room; I don't handle that very well, hahahaha. And I remember that at night, after doing everything I did during the day, I watched this series.
It was very random; I was on the Netflix there, and the Netflix in each country changes its content. Here in Brazil, this series wasn't available, but there it was. I got curious, watched the first episode, and liked it a lot. As I watched each episode, I fell more and more in love with the series. So much so that it became my fourth favorite series, it's in my top five, which means a lot. For me, it's an amazing series! Although, this series would never work in today's world. It's a series with a lot of sharp jokes, a series that harks back to the '70s, and people don't have enough intelligence to understand that this series portrays that decade, so there will be many bizarre things that don't exist today. People want all tv shows to be politically correct, and at that time, there was no such thing as political correctness. It's a series that hardly talks about the gay world, has no political agenda, has many sexist jokes, mainly because that time was a sexist era. So it would be nice if people had enough intelligence to know that everything made depends on the time it was made. You can't watch a movie from the 1960s and think it was the same as the world today. It wasn't, simply wasn't; facts don't care about your feelings. It is what it is. It was what it was. You can't change the past, no matter how much you want it.
Anyway, I love this show, and honestly, I don't care about those who don't. If you enjoy sharp humor, sarcasm, you will enjoy it. I love it so much that I even struggle to choose my favorite character. I believe it's Eric, but I also love Jackie, Fez, and Kitty and Red (Eric's parents).
I even adore a couple in the series, Jackie and Kelso (who, by the way, are married in real life today). But in this case, I'm in the minority. Many people don't like them, and to some extent, they are right. Kelso messed up many times with Jackie, cheated her. But he is a very silly character; he only had a handsome face, but no brains, that was clear from the first episode. So you could see that despite everything, he was a genuine person and really liked the girl, he was just a brainless dude. And as I told you, in the '70s, things were different, the world was more sexist, and betrayal was something that happened more frequently than you can imagine. It doesn't make it right, but it makes it a bit more understandable.
I liked them for their chemistry, for being funny together, for her bossy him around, and for him ultimately being silly for her. I liked this couple so much, but so much, that I was super upset when, at the end of the series she didn't end up with him, but with someone else. I get very attached to these show's characters, which is kind of silly, I know. But it is what it is.
But honestly, nothing beats my favorite couple in the world: "Brucas". This couple is from 'One Tree Hill,' but that's a topic for another time.
Going back to That '70s Show, I was upset that the couple I liked didn't end up together. Like many TV show couples I was attached to and liked, they didn't end up together, and I felt the sadness in my heart, hahaha.
However, a while ago, That '90s Show was released. It's like a continuation of the previous series. Eric's parents are still in the series, but this time, it's with their granddaughter and her friends. This granddaughter is Eric's daughter, the main character in the previous series.
But, of course, this series was made after 2020, so as you can imagine, there are gay characters and a political agenda. Look, even in the '90s, being openly gay wasn't as common as this character is portrayed in the series. So it's not as faithful a portrayal of the '90s as the previous series was of the '70s. But again, now they can't make a series like the previous one or like The Office, for example. It simply wouldn't be accepted, and the series would eventually be canceled. So they go with the flow.
The nice thing about the series is that old characters appear, with little screen time, but they appear. And to my surprise and joy, Jackie and Kelso appear married, and their son is one of the friends of Eric's daughter, who is now in the series. In other words, not only are they married, but they also have a child. So, for me, this was such a joy, and it was already worth watching this new series. It's an okay series, not bad, you can watch it, but there's no comparison to the original one.
The only character who didn't appear and won't appear is Hyde. The actor of the character was arrested and sentenced to 30 years for sexual assault. Well, for fans of the series like me, it's always tough when these old tv shows come back to life without all the original cast. I imagine watching Friends without Chandler now that he recently passed away. It would never be the same. It's probably better not to do it at all. (Just like majority of friends' fans, Chandler was my favorite character). But as I never liked Hyde, I can say that he was one of the only characters in this series that I didn't like, so for me, it didn't change anything. While it's true that the series would be even better with all the old and main characters included, since I wasn't a fan of him, it wasn't such a big deal for me.
I don't know if you'll have the opportunity to watch this series because it's already quite challenging to find it to watch these days. When you're 14 or older, I think it will be even more difficult. It's no longer available on streaming platforms, perhaps precisely due to the fear of offending someone, and being an old series that might "offend" people.
I'm only rewatching it because I have the DVDs. Both Friends and That '70s Show, I have the complete DVD collection. But it's quite possible that by the time you want to watch them, there won't be DVD players anymore. Many computers no longer have CD drives. DVDs are something that has also become much less common, and I believe they will soon be extinct. So, I don't know how you would watch it. I hope you have the chance to watch both Friends, the series of my life, my favorite, and the one that was my great solace during the depression, and That '70s Show. If you have a sense of humor like me and your dad, you will definitely enjoy it.
And that's it, a weekend with a lot of tiredness and a lot of fun for you and your cousin!
29-01/02 - Chapter 191: That's what friends are for
Now I'm going to summarize the week. It's challenging to maintain an active diary day by day; the life of a mother is not easy. Leaving you at the daycare, picking you up, in the meantime going to doctors, doing chores, cleaning the house, going to the market, cooking... And if you sleep late, then we don't have time to do absolutely anything.
On Monday and Tuesday, you returned to your routine of sleeping at the right time. This is also happening because you are not sleeping at daycare. You are so excited that your cousin Rafinha is there that you end up not being able to sleep. This has its good side and its bad side. We liked it when you slept at daycare because you would come back in a good mood. But at the same time, if you slept too long at daycare, the night was a struggle to put you to sleep. Now you are not sleeping, but when you get in the car, you end up falling asleep, and we don't want to wake you up. Then you end up sleeping in spurts, between 6:30 until 7:30 in the evening; at 9:30, you don't want to sleep and end up going to bed very late again.
Monday and Tuesday were all smooth, but now on Wednesday and Thursday, you gave us exactly the same trouble as in Serra. Thursday was the worst day; you went to bed after midnight, almost 1:00 in the morning. The only way we managed to make you sleep was to put you in the crib alone, close the door; you start crying a lot, we wait about five minutes, and then we pick you up, and you fall asleep quickly. I know it seems like a somewhat cold method, but we don't let you cry for too long, just enough for you to understand that it's bedtime, and if you don't sleep with us, we will end up having to leave you in the crib. It's working. I'm not like my sister who lets Rafinha cry until he gets tired. Each mother has her method, but this is not ours.
After that, you fell asleep quickly. But by the time we finally managed it, your dad and I were already exhausted. The first thing we did was lie down on the bed. We didn't have time to watch anything, talk, or be together. The exhaustion was so great that we fell asleep as the same time as you.
On the previous day, Wednesday, your dad tattooed my friend Nádia. I'll show you the tattoo he did on her. It's a sewing machine, with the word 'mãe' (mom) written underneath using the machine's own stitches.
She did it in homage to her mother, who is a seamstress, and on the next day, Thursday, which was her mother's birthday, she planned to surprise her. The tattoo turned out great, and Nádia was very pleased. Your dad wasn't as satisfied as with the previous Pikachu tattoo, but he's getting better each time, and I know he can go far.
On the day he tattooed Nádia, when it was close to the time to pick you up from daycare, I passed by the tattoo studio and gave a ride to your dad, Nádia, and Aunt GIRLEIDE, who met them at the tattoo studio later. Then we all went towards the daycare to pick you up. When you got into the car, you were quite shy and surprised by so many people, it was funny. But soon, close to arriving home, you fell asleep again, and the same problem happened on Wednesday. Although on Wednesday, you didn't sleep as late, it was still late enough to leave us tired.
On the night when the girls were here, we ordered a pizza from a place I recently tried and liked a lot. It's a pizza with a very thin and stuffed crust. We ordered one pizza for each of us since it's small and looks like a small pastry. Then, I tried to give you some food, but you wanted the pizza. I gave it to you, and you ate almost a whole pizza, but it's small. Even so, for you, it's a lot. I think someone will really like pizza just like Mommy.
Aunt Cileide also gave a gift to Nádia, and I didn't understand it very well. Later, I found out it was a wedding gift. Although Aunt Nádia hasn't officially married yet, and she won't have a party, her apartment will be ready in March for her to move in with her fiancé. I'm a bit absent-minded, but that night when I went to make the payment for the pizza since she paid everything with her card, I made a gift amount of R$600 in addition to the pizza cost. I know it's a very high amount, but it's a heartfelt gift. Especially considering that she is such a good friend of mine, so affectionate and helpful with you, and very simple and humble. I know this money will be very well spent by them and much needed.
I sent the receipt privately to her because she, Girleide, and I have a WhatsApp group, but I didn't want to send it there because I thought it might overshadow my other friend's gift, or that somehow I want to "show off", which was not the intention.
It is important to mention that charity, assistance, and things we do with money are best kept discreet. There's no need to show everyone that you helped, advertise it, or try to use it to gain a certain kind of merit. It doesn't have to be entirely anonymous; you can tell some people, but you don't need to make it an event. If I sent it in the group, I would be somewhat bragging about a gift that was not intended for that purpose but to help.
Nádia was very happy, but first said I should't... it was a lot... Later, she said she didn't even know what to say and hoped to repay what I did one day. I've told her that she and Girleide have been good friends, never betraying me, being so attentive to you. That is the only payment I want and need. R$600 is a significant amount of money for me, but I would do it again for my friend.
In my cousins' weddings, I bought gifts of R$300 or R$350. They are not as close to me as she is, despite being 'family.' I give good wedding gifts, I always have. Because I know how difficult it is to organize a party, the money you spend, the time you lose. And I know it's something you want to do only once in your life.
Also, if you think about it, a very good restaurant is ranging from R$80 to R$150. If, for example, you go with your daughter, husband, or wife, you end up paying three times that amount. My dad, when he takes us out, spends a good amount in restaurants. Now, at a wedding, you eat just as well if not better in most cases, right? So, besides spending that on a place where people you don't know are offering you food, you are paying a relatively close person who is offering you these good foods. Not to mention that you are celebrating the wedding and the union of people you probably like and care about. But well, a few people are cheap and they're always going to be cheap and very attached with money.
