To my daughter Melanie (November 2023)

 01/11 - Chapter 136: Does doctors really know better?

Last night, you had a very violent coughing fit, really violent. We called the nurse, and the only thing she said was that the cough is the last thing to go, and it requires patience.

In the morning another nurse is coming, and I complained about your saturation, mentioning the low fluctuations. She said it was fine because despite having the nasal tubes, you weren't actually receiving oxygen. In other words, your saturation was low, but it was your saturation without oxygen support. And this morning, it was excellent, between 96-97.

Today, it was impossible to keep you in bed. You wanted to walk and move around no matter what. Since the oxygen was removed, we turned off the monitor for a while so you could walk in the room.

Later, the pediatrician came and said you were doing very well, and there was no reason for you to stay in the hospital, so she discharged you. I must confess that while I was happy, I didn't feel confident. We had only been there for a day, two nights, and you were already being discharged? Rafinha stayed for over a week... I don't know. Wouldn't it be better for you to stay one more night for observation just as a precaution? But how do you argue with a doctor who just examined you?

Feeling defeated and worried, we went home. Thank God, you were fine throughout the day, but in the evening, I was very concerned because you had another coughing fit, and this time it lasted for nearly half an hour. You almost vomited several times due to the coughing. I didn't like it at all and thought that spending one more night in the hospital would have been more comforting and responsible.

Tomorrow, I would take you back to either the hospital or to a doctor.

 02/11 - Chapter 137: A peruvian dinner

Today, I wanted to take you to the hospital again because, in addition to your nighttime coughing fit, red bumps appeared on your chin, then on your belly, and later on your cheek. Strangely, they appeared and disappeared quickly. But I was worried... We thought it might be a medication allergy, but at the same time, I thought that if it were an allergy, it would have shown up at the hospital since you're taking the same medication as before. Well, nothing better than letting the doctor tell us. Your father took us to a health center, a primary care facility we call here in Spain, which is not quite an emergency room in a hospital. But when we arrived, they informed us that there was no pediatric wing and gave us another address.

Off we went to the second address. And when we arrived there, they said it was in the building next door. I already felt like a fool. But upon reaching the third building, I was happy and relieved to see that it was another (much smaller) hospital of Sant Joan de Déu. I wanted to go back to it, and in a way, we did, but in a smaller one. It seemed quite empty, but still, we waited about an hour to be seen, but it was okay because you slept on my lap during that time. When we were called, the doctor examined you, and everything was fine, but as you had a lot of coughing and, most worryingly, a lot of wheezing in your lungs, she prescribed antibiotics (azithromycin) for 5 days. I was happy and relieved. But your grandfather told your father that antibiotics could do more harm than good, and that you could lose your appetite again, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that your appetite has returned and that gradually you're eating everything again, but now your respiratory health is my top priority, and I insisted that you take the antibiotics. I would feel more secure because the antibiotics are a preventive measure for possible bronchopneumonia. Your father and I argued a bit, but in the end, you took your antibiotics, and that night you didn't have a coughing fit and slept much better.

But before that, in the evening, we met with Marc, a friend from my elementary school days (Renata), and we had lost contact for years until I messaged her in 2022 when I was pregnant with you. She told me she was living here in Barcelona, we chatted a bit, and now that I was here, I contacted her again, and she agreed to meet us. In addition to them, Marc invited 4 friends (2 couples) of Brazilians who are also living here.

We went to eat at a Peruvian restaurant. I wasn't sure what to eat because, as you may know, I'm very picky when it comes to finding something I like. So your father ordered a meat dish for me, thinking I would enjoy it.

Renata gave you a little baby food plate, and I was happy because, believe it or not, I hadn't bought you one yet, even though I buy almost everything you need.

Dinner was nice; your father and I needed that after three long days with you being sick and the scare we had. I took care of you the whole time and let him have some fun. It was a pleasant night, and it felt like our trip had truly begun there.

 03/11 - Chapter 139: Watch your step... everywhere!

Today, we had lunch and met your great-uncle, your grandmother's brother. He is a very pleasant person, refined just like your grandmother. We had quiche (I loved the quiche your grandma made), spicy chicken (apparently, I was the only one who liked spicy food because no one else at the table enjoyed it?), and square potatoes (I love small, crispy, square potatoes). It was by far the best meal I've had prepared by your grandmother.

Your mother's brother mentioned that he had been to Brazil many years ago, decades ago, and everything was fine. He wasn't robbed there, but on the flip side, he was robbed in Amsterdam with his wife. Well, that's just bad luck. I also know the story of another Brazilian who lived her whole life in Brazil and wasn't robbed, but when she came to Milan, she was robbed. But that's just bad luck because the statistics are there to prove the opposite.

I, myself, was robbed when I was 19 and attending my first college at FMU. The building was about half an hour from the subway, far away, and it was a good walk, and I studied at night. One of those days, I went out alone, and that's when two punks, about 16 years old, approached me and demanded my cellphone, which at the time was a Nextel (a radio cellphone that I hadn't even finished paying for). I remember seeing the shadow of one of them, taking off his shirt, chewing gum, and behind me, and I thought, 'I'm going to be robbed.' A few minutes later, I was right! A guy even came to check if I was okay afterward, but he didn't want to get involved, and I just remember passing by a payphone and calling my dad crying a lot. What a night...

Back to today... After lunch, you and I slept for about 2 hours because we weren't 100% well yet. When we woke up, I ate a bit of a Japanese biscuit that was left over from dessert and was simply divine. But you wanted it and ate it all, so I only took a bite of that wonder. Your grandmother didn't have any more. Being a mother is like this, taking from your own mouth to give to your child. Despite your appetite returning, I see that you're not eating as much variety as before, which makes me sad. I don't want you to become like me.

Carrots and vegetables, you're not accepting anymore, and don't even mention salads... You're much pickier with fruits now. I bought some molds that shape fruits and foods into hearts, bunnies, and other figures. Let's see if that's the trick to get you to eat. A mother can try.

At night, your father said that your great-uncle sent a very affectionate email and gave you 50 euros as a gift.

 04/11 - Chapter 140: Cards against humanity

The earring saga continues. Today, your grandpa and I found a kit of earrings with scre back on Amazon, with 8 pairs. Perfect for the situation because you often take them off and end up losing several, so we would have plenty of spares. However, the earrings are not made of gold, silver, or anything like that; they're jewelry. We need to see if it won't cause any allergies or even inflamation on your ear; that's crucial.

The earrings will arrive tomorrow.

Today, we left early, around 11:30, as we went to the house of one of your father's friends' parents. Their house is in the countryside outside Barcelona, about an hour away. Amazing, way more beautiful the city and reminded me a bit of USA. Very nice small city, with modern houses, etc.

You slept like a little angel on the way. In the car were Marc and Ben, whom you've already met, and of course, the three of us. When we arrived, you met Marthi and his girlfriend Nathalia (they've been together for 8 years). I already knew all of them from the last time I came here in 2020, and we played bowling. They are all very friendly, and you liked them all. You didn't cry with anyone.

It's worth noting that now it's difficult for someone to pick you up, you're no longer a baby; you're considered a 'toddler.' And when someone you don't know picks you up, you don't like it, you have your own personality. So people are hesitant and respect your space.

I had two delicious burgers and tried chorizo. I loved it. And you loved the chips we were eating before the barbecue. After eating, we chatted, and you wandered around the huge lawn, playing with the flowers. We just needed to keep an eye on you all the time because of the pool at the house.

Later in the afternoon, we started playing Cards Against Humanity, a game I love called 'FDP' in Brazil. It's a sarcastic and dark humor game. I love it!!!! But I found the American version to have duller questions and answers; I prefer the Brazilian one (at least one thing I prefer in the Brazilian version). We couldn't play very well because you wouldn't sit still, and we had to chase you around all the time.

As it got dark, we headed back home, another trip. Ben was driving quite fast, and it made me nervous, especially with you in the car. But in the end, everything turned out fine. Another pleasant day, and the real vacation begins :)

 05/11 - Chapter 141: Meeting the gang

Everything was fine with the earring up to this point, but I only left it on you for a few hours because it's larger, and I noticed that in that sense, it was causing more trouble; you were pulling at it. I also found it quite heavy on the ears    .

In the afternoon, we went to meet some more of your father's friends. To be honest, we met about 10 friends. A lot of people huh? And surprisingly, you were acting just fine; you didn't cry nor feel uncomfortable. We spent some time there talking to one friend here, another there, and we had pasta with bacon for lunch. One of them even cooked a bit of chicken for you, which was very nice. But you were crazy about the pasta, so excited to eat... never seem before. Truly in love with spaghetti. You even had some dessert with fruit afterwards and this time, you ate the blackberry, which you didn't like when I tried to give it to you in Brazil.

We took a taxi back because in the evening your uncle Benjamin, your cousin Chloe, and Edith were going there to celebrate Benjamin's 36th birthday in your grandparents house. You were sleeping until they arrived, so you woke up in a very bad mood, crying about everything! But gradually, you returned to your normal self. Except for one time when they started singing 'Happy Birthday' to Benjamin in French, and you cried out of fear, I don't know... if it were the birthday song from 'Galinha Pintadinha' (a popular children's show in Brazil), you wouldn't have cried, right?

You didn't play much with Chloe, just a bit; it's so different from what I thought it would be. Since you love all children, I thought you would be excited to play with her as you are with Rafinha, but no. I think you sense the atmosphere... You both played with soap bubbles for a while, and when you saw her doll, you were overjoyed! You couldn't stop kissing the doll and didn't want to let it go. It even got a little warm between you two. I understand; her doll was more sophisticated, it looked more like a real baby and even had a pacifier. I just wanted to see how I would take that doll away from you...

When dinner arrived, we all ate, and you weren't feeling very well. Chloe eats so well next to you. You didn't want to have anything to do with the salad with lettuce and tomatoes...

For dessert, there was a sugar-free chocolate cake that your grandmother made, and surprisingly, even Chloe ate it. And you loved it. Edith said that if it doesn't have sugar, she'll eat it. She doesn't even have sugar at home. Mercy... never mind. Be thankful every day that you were born from your mommy's belly, and you can eat everything, and your life is lighter in that sense. Okay, you were born in Brazil, but everything has to have a balance, right? You can't be lucky in everything!

 06-07/11 - Chapter 142: A special bond

Over these two days, we didn't do much. On the first day, your father and I took you for a walk in Barcelona. Surprisingly, you spent quite some time in the stroller without complaining, making our outing much easier.

We went to a famous tourist spot in Barcelona, which was just a staircase. But we didn't go inside the church or the museum, to be honest; I only went once, and tourist spots and architecture aren't really my thing. Instead of going in there, we went in a nearby park. We sat down for a while, talked, and you touched the grass with your little feet. You love walking on the grass, which is quite different from me. When I was a baby, I absolutely hated touching the grass. My parents said that as soon as they placed me on the grass, my foot would curl inward. I was disgusted by it. To be honest with you, even today, I don't like stepping on grass or lawns. Weird, right? I can't explain why...

t was a very nice outing, but it took us about 2 hours, one hour to get there and another hour to get back. That was pretty much our day, just the three of us.

These ordinary days are the best, aren't they? We don't pay them much attention at the time, but when we look back, we'll remember these days with love and fondness. At least your father and I will because you're not old enough to know or feel nostalgia.

On the following day, we received a visit from the lady who works as a housemaid in your paternal grandparents' house. Not only her, but her daughter, who was the nanny of your father until he was 15. She loves your dad as if he is her own son so she really wanted to meet you. So we had a visit from both of them, and it was very pleasant.

When I was a child, I also had a very special person named Cícera. She worked in our house as a housemaid for many years. My mother didn't particularly like her cleaning work because she wasn't very committed and would often arrive late and wasn't the best cleaner lol. However, she was a very honest person, a person of character and integrity. Besides, she took excellent care of me and my sister. Since my mother had to leave for work early, we stayed with her, and she would take us to school, cross the road with us, and pick us up from school as well. She even prepared breakfast and dinner for us. I have only good memories of Cicera. She was like a second mother to me. Can you believe that she even watched soap operas with me? Good times. When I was sick at school, she was the one who picked me up too.

I remember that as a child, I used to say that one day if I become rich, I would want to buy a house for her, since she was poor. I remember her telling me she had all her family clothes storaged in a box because she didn't have a closet. Well, I was never rich, so my plan didn't work. Also nowadays she lives in the Northeast of Brazil. She had many daughters, poor thing. And the last time she got pregnant, my mother even allowed her to bring the baby while she worked.

My mother has always had a big heart. But she was also very good to us. Cicera worked in our house for over 10 years, and I still miss her.

I hope to see her again one day, but I'm not sure if it will be possible since she never returned to São Paulo.

Nannies or housemaids, those who grow up with us, and in fact, those who raise us, are part of our family, especially for children who form a strong emotional bond with the person who is there every day, acting too as a mother when the biological mother works outside the home. So, it was great to meet the person who took care of your father and has a great affection for him. It's very gratifying to know that she wanted to meet a little part of him, which is you.

I don't know if you will ever form the same kind of emotional bond that your father and I had the pleasure of having. If you ever do create that bond with someone, cherish it and value it. Always value those who were involved in your upbringing in any way, those who fed you, cradled you, cared for you, and loved you. It doesn't matter if it's your mother, grandmother, aunt, father, cousin, nanny, housemaid, or anyone else. In our hearts, there's room for love for all the people who also gave us love.

08/11 - Chapter 143: Mallorca

The day has come for us to go to the island of Mallorca. Your grandparents have had a house there for about 5 years. I haven't been there yet, but I'll get to see it along with you.

The major challenge was fitting my clothes, your clothes, your things, and your father's stuff into a carry-on. I had to make it work because, after all, your grandparents were already covering all our ticket flights, and I couldn't make them pay the additional luggage fees. Traveling with a baby is impossible with just a few items. You kids are so little, but you demand so much stuff and space. And 8-10 days is not a short period. But it's okay; I managed to make it work. We had breakfast and our taxi left a little after noon. Our flight was at 2 PM.

We arrived at the airport, and everything went very quickly, including the flight. However, travel days are always tiring, even if it's a short journey or by car. Every trip is exhausting. Packing, making sure we didn't forget anything, the airport is tiring, the flight is tiring, and after landing, we need to wait for your baby car seat and stroller. After that, we spent quite a while renting a car.

The first car we got was already vomited in the back, so we had to exchange it. Finally, on the road, we stopped at the supermarket. You were sleeping, so your grandfather and I stayed in the car, while your father and grandmother did the shopping for our week-long stay here. They spent an hour at the store and then at least another 40 minutes until they reached the house.

We arrived here at almost 7 PM. It doesn't sound like much, but it's tiring, you know? But it was worth it.

Your grandparents have a house in a sort of village, a very European village. It has those European-style houses, narrow streets... But inside, the house is wonderful. I took a video, and I'll post it here on Twitter/blog for you to see. You never know, when you're older, your grandparents might sell the house, and you won't remember it.

Your grandmother said that all the houses in the village are beautiful inside, and no one would guess it from the outside architecture, but she said that's the idea, to hide their wealth, haha. Your grandmother said her house here is worth around 1.5 million euros. For us, Brazilians, that's a LOT of money. You could even buy a house in San Diego, which is one of the most expensive places in the United States.

Oh, something I remembered. Did you know that in Brazil, when parents die, the inheritance is automatically left to the children? You can't choose not to leave it or disinherit someone; Brazilian law doesn't allow that. Also, there's no need to pay anything to inherit a house or assets from deceased parents, for example. In Spain, on the other hand, you can indeed disinherit a child and leave your money to whomever you want. There's no law that forces you to leave your estate or money to your children. And, to inherit a house, for example, from deceased parents, if the house is worth 1 million euros, the child (or children) would have to pay half of the value to the government, which means 500,000 euros.

So, which of these laws do you prefer, or do you find more just?

09/11 - Chapter 144: Annoying habit

You gave us a bit of trouble sleeping at night, and your crib here is much larger than the crib at your grandparents' house in Barcelona, so I can't quite understand it. But after we placed a cushion as a pillow for you, you slept better, so we left it with the cushion.

We woke up, and today we went for a walk around the village. Very typically European, as I mentioned. However, most places were closed because it's winter here. We tried to drop by a few restaurants to eat around 3 p.m., but most of them were no longer accepting customers as they had closed for lunch. So, we stopped at a kind of snack bar. I had a delicious black bread burger, and my fries came just the way I like them, thin and crispy.

As for you, you're giving me trouble again when it comes to eating. Unfortunately, things have changed with your appetite since you got sick. You no longer accept a variety of fruits, vegetables, greens... It's so sad. What am I doing wrong? Moreover, a few weeks before we traveled here, you developed an ANNOYING habit. When you're in your high feeding chair, whether for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, you take your food and throw it on the floor. It's infuriating and such an irritating habit.

We're trying to say no, we've even gently slapped your little hand, but nothing works. When you learn something, you grab onto some habits, and it becomes impossible. You're stubborn.

Oh, before we got home, we stopped by a convenience store, and there I found a box of Ferrero chocolates. I bought them. I also found Kinder Cards and Kinder Hippo (one of my favorite chocolates). Ferrero and Kinder are the same company, and they are my favorite chocolates. Worth every penny. Delicious, all of them!

10/11 - Chapter 145: Annoying habit

Today, I convinced your father to go to the beach. I'm in Mallorca, and they say there are beautiful, paradise-like beaches here, so I couldn't miss them, could I? Of course not. Besides, you love the beach, just like playgrounds. When you see the sand and the sea from afar, you scream with joy and get really happy. The last time you were at the beach was in San Diego, over 3 months ago.

When we got there, you put your little feet in the sand and the sea, but soon after, we went for a walk around.

Since it's winter, everything was closed. I don't understand how businesses here manage to survive only during the summer. But your grandmother said they make so much money in the summer that it's unnecessary to open during the winter for fewer customers.

On the way, we stopped to see the ducks, and while looking at the ducks, you dropped your pacifier into the sea. Miraculously, your father managed to retrieve it. You almost lost your pacifier...

Then we found a black kitten, which was very affectionate with me. Stray cats usually don't come near people and are quite suspicious, but not this one. You wanted to pet it too, but you were in the stroller and couldn't.

Later, I realized that you were hungry, and it was already past lunchtime. But we only had milk... I managed to stop at a small restaurant and buy a croissant for you. Your father wanted me to give you milk, but he can't seem to understand that you're no longer a baby, and we can't skip meals like lunch and dinner. You need food as well. I've had several arguments with him about this, but he doesn't seem to grasp that milk alone is not the only food a child needs. Lord...

Your grandparents went back home (which was nearby) to make sandwiches for me and your father (very kind of them) while we had some fun on the beach in the late afternoon.

Later, they took me to a tourist spot that's only open in the winter for car crossings to see the city from a very high point. You were asleep and stayed in the car with your grandfather, while your father and your grandmother went to see and take photos. It was quite high, and very cold up there. In fact, very cold, with a very unbearable wind. My ears, which are ultra-sensitive, started hurting. But it was worth it for the view. Your father and I even managed to take some photos during sunset.

Afterwards, we got home around 7:30, and your grandmother made a delicious dinner. Pork, thin and crispy roasted potatoes, sausages, and something else I like (a kind of sausage) whose name I forgot. It's somewhat black. But we only started eating around 10 pm because your uncle Benjamin, Chloe, and Edith took a long time to arrive, and we waited for them.

You sat next to Chloe, and that's when the problems began. Oh my... When you sat near her, you got curious (you get very happy when you see another child) and wanted to touch her little hands, her little arms, etc. I tried to move the high chairs apart a bit, but the wall prevented it, and her mother had to get your attention by saying, "At the table, we don't play, we eat." Play? Seriously? You were just getting to know each other. Ugh... And, it's very impolite when someone scolds your child. I was already getting your attention and pulling your chair, if she didn't like it, she should've pulled her daughter's chair to the other side. And then you started speaking a little louder at the table (because you talk a lot), and she scolded you again, saying, "We don't shout at the table." ... Wait till she meets your cousin Rafinha to know what shouting is... I was losing patience, especially because you didn't want to eat ANYTHING again!!!!

I have the impression that, to her, no one is as good as her and her daughter. Everyone is doing something wrong, etc. Don't get me wrong, Chloe is adorable and not to blame for any of this. The issue is the overly protective mom. But it seems like the intention is to make me feel bad. For example: "My daughter is eating this broccoli dish wonderfully, and look at your daughter, such a shame..." I swear I have this impression that she thinks Chloe is better than all the other children. When, in reality, after talking to some mothers, we feel sorry for her because she doesn't behave like a baby, like a child, but like an adult. She'll have plenty of time to be an adult...

After that, the adults ate, and when the vegetables arrived, they asked me if I wanted them, and your grandfather made a joke, saying, "No, it's poison for her," because they already know that I don't like or eat them. And she asked why. Stan answered that I didn't eat any kind of vegetables, and she looked surprised. He said that I only ate the ones he cooked (which is true). And then she said that Melanie will eat what she sees her parents eating. Damn... I know that. But ever since you started eating solid foods, I introduced EVERYTHING I could. All healthy stuff. You tried all kinds of fruits, you ate everything... I really try everything so that you eat healthily and don't turn out like me. I even bought those fruit and vegetable shapers, which I hope will work... And I'll keep insisting and do everything I can to make you eat. But don't make me feel guilty, don't make me feel even sadder than I already was.

I was already comparing the wonderful eating habits of her daughter with yours and feeling sad. Don't kick someone who's already down.

11/11 - Chapter 146: Different upbringings

Today was another extremely hard day for me. As we woke up and had breakfast, you didn't want to eat anything, as usual, and put on quite a crying performance at the table. This had been bothering me since last night. It's like as soon as they arrived, you started behaving completely differently.

Later, we went for a swim in the pool. You cried a little before getting in, probably because the water wasn't very warm, even though it was heated. After a few minutes, you got used to it, but not completely. You seemed like you wanted to get out of the pool the entire time.

Your cousin Chloe and her father also got into the pool. Your dad joined briefly, but you all didn't stay in for long because despite the pool being somewhat warm, the weather was cold/windy. Your grandma heated the hot tub, and after leaving the pool, you and your cousin were going to take a bath there. It was a nightmare. We took you, and the water was quite shallow for your bath. As soon as you stood in the bathtub, you sat down and started splashing water with your hands. Chloe was standing next to you, and after a few splashes, her mother sort of held your hand and said "no, no" like asking you to stop splashing.

I got nervous, took a deep breath, picked you up, and decided to shower with you. Look, when you do something wrong, I'm the first to call your attention, even tapping your hand and saying "no." But this time, you weren't doing anything wrong. You didn't need to be scolded. You were just acting like a child, playing in the water. What a shame, right? I just missed your cousin Rafinha so much because the atmosphere is so different. When you two are in the tub together, you have fun, falling, playing, laughing, creating chaos together. I feel like with your cousin, it's as if she's a child in an adult's body. But it's not Chloe's fault; it's her upbringing. She acts like an adult, her attitudes and even her expressions. I've rarely seen her smile and never heard her laugh.

I won't scold you for being a child and behaving as one. It's as if she wants a perfect daughter to show off to everyone, a refined and classy kid. I don't want that for you. I want you to enjoy every phase of your life. Childhood is the best time of life, and it passes by so quickly. Maybe not for children, but for us adults, parents, time flies. I believe that every child, as they grow up, will have plenty of time to act and be an adult. I don't need to get mad at you for not eating with a spoon yet or drinking from an adult's cup. I don't need to get mad at you for not cleaning your table after meals. I don't need to get mad at you every time you refuse to eat a vegetable. I don't need to get mad at you if you make a mess on the floor or the wall. I don't need to get mad at you if you walk barefoot. I don't need to get mad at you if you talk loudly and laugh and have fun.

I know that I felt a lot of frustration at the time, and it didn't end there. Lunch was also hell. You didn't want to eat, and what's worse, you cried at the table. It's like when you're close to her, all your energy changes, and you become exactly what she wants you to be - the imperfect daughter. I felt this frustration, this sense of inferiority, being around her and Chloe. But then, I got angry with myself for having these feelings. Why frustration? Why feeling diminished? You are the perfect daughter!

When I met your father's other sister, Anais, it was completely different. She made me feel the opposite of what I'm feeling now. When she met you, she played with you, was affectionate, and gave you attention. She even praised you a lot to me, repeatedly saying that you were beyond perfect. You don't destroy things, you were active in just the right way, and you didn't act like an adult with Chloe (she met Chloe). She praised you so much that I felt embarrassed. But you could tell that she genuinely meant what she was saying; she wasn't trying to please me. She has a lot of experience with children as she has worked with newborns. She also said that you were beautiful. She told me that she didn't tell parents if their children were ugly but always told them if they found their kids beautiful. She said that she found you beautiful. When I said that you slept very well, she said that was all that was missing for you to be the perfect baby. She even said that she called Stan's brother and he asked if you really were the perfect baby. She said yes and that she wanted one (joking) and he also joke saying he wanted one too.

So, you see the difference? One makes me feel that my daughter is an inspiration. She only praises you, is affectionate and caring. And on the other side, I feel judgmental looks, an air of superiority, unsolicited and completely unnecessary advice, and the frustated feeling that you can't ever be close to your own cousin because of overprotection and a very inflated ego.

I hope that even if eventually we move out from Brazil, you don't lose contact with your cousin Rafinha, and I also hope that one day Arthur (your other father's brother) can have a child with Anais, because I believe that with her, things would be very different. If you had a cousin on Arthur side, you would have a great chance to be close to your cousin just like Rafinha.

At the dinner table, there was another occasion. Since you were crying a lot, I gave you the pacifier. I don't like giving the pacifier outside of bedtime. I've always been the one to say this, and I've always been against giving the pacifier during other times. I do believe that the pacifier should only be introduced at bedtime so that the child associates it with sleep time. But there are exceptions, and this is just MY opinion. For instance, when you are very upset or crying, I also give you the pacifier. You don't get very upset or cry often, so it doesn't happen frequently. But at the table, you were crying and bothering everyone who was trying to eat. So I gave you the pacifier to help yoy calm you down. Soon after, your father tried to take the pacifier away, and I heard her saying: "Yes, dear, pacifier is only for bedtime." Well, even if I agree with her in this case, it's not her place to say. What if I weren't a mother who believed that pacifiers should only be introduced at bedtime? There are many mothers who use pacifiers outside of sleep hours, and that's perfectly fine. So, I found her comment superfluous as she was meddling in something she should have simply stayed silent about. I hardly agree with anything she says, so why open her mouth?

What if I called attention to her daughter? What if I took her daughter's hand? What if I told her what's right and wrong for her child? She wouldn't like that, would she? Once again, the phrase I've taught you before on previously chapters: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How beautiful it would be if everyone followed that phrase to the letter.

Later, we went for a walk in Barcelona, wandering through the narrow streets again. There was a moment when she stopped at a kiosk that sold what we call "bolinho de chuva" in Brazil. "Bolinho de chuva" is a mixture of flour and eggs, but it's not very healthy because it has a lot of sugar, and the dough is fried. Before dinner, she stopped and wanted to buy some of these pastries. I was shocked. She didn't seem like the type of person who would go for such a thing, at least not in my perception. A few days ago at your greatparents house she said she doesn't even have sugar in her house so.... Anyways, she asked if we wanted some. I said I would take one, but she gave one for me and one for you. But the surprising part was that she gave some to Chloe. I thought she wouldn't eat such things, but she ended up eating them, even though they aren't healthy.

After that, we entered a kind of fair where they were selling several things like crafts, beer, jewelry, and more. There was a woman giving out ice cream to children. She gave you a small ice cream cup as well. Your father and I tried it, and it was one of the best ice creams I've ever had in my life. It was hazelnut-flavored and tasted like liquid Ferrero Rocher. A delight. We gave you a little taste with a spoon, and you enjoyed it. She passed by and asked if your father was really giving you ice cream, surprised. She said: "Seriously, you're giving her ice cream?" Again, with a judgmental tone in her voice. "Yes," your father replied. "Oh, I see... you guys are used to giving her sugar all the time, aren't you?" "Actually, no. We avoid it whenever we can." And she didn't say anything else. I mean, she goes and buys a poison bomb to give to her daughter a few minutes before and judges what I give? What kind of hypocrisy and nonsense is that? I can't comprehend it.

Then we all went to have dinner. Your grandpa paid for dinner for everyone. I ordered a chicken burger that was delicious and instead of getting the french fries that I love as a side, I ordered grilled vegetables for you to try for dinner. What a waste, my lady. You didn't eat a single vegetable. I don't know what's happening, but you're not eating at all. As soon as you feel the texture of the vegetable, you throw it on the ground. The only thing you accepted was a piece of my bread and a little of the fried chicken that I gave you. Fried chicken, because you rejected the grilled chicken at lunch today. All I knew was that my sandwich was delicious, and I made the right choice. But I was very sad and frustrated that you weren't eating. I truly don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know where I'm going wrong. Everything changed suddenly after you got sick, and you haven't returned to normal. I'm exhausted.

I even fooled you a few times, managing to sneak a bit of vegetables into your bread, and then you'd eat it. The only thing you truly despised, almost vomiting, was the mushroom. Understood. I won't give you mushrooms again. But with other things, you don't eat them because you don't taste them. Once you taste them, you like them, accept them, and eat them. But how can I get you to taste them?

When we got home last night, we played a little. You were very active, laughing, and playing ball with me later. But I had to take the ball away from you because you were laughing too loudly and would wake up your cousin who was already sleeping. So, to calm you down, I put you on the couch with me and turned on a cartoon for us to watch together. I felt that accusatory look on my back again. How frustrating! I don't know what else to do to make her stop looking at me like that. I swear I can hear her thoughts.

Then, to help (being sarcastic here) your father picked you up and took you upstairs. I think he's ashamed that you watch cartoons near her because he knows what she thinks. But I don't care about what she thinks.

Anyway, we went to sleep. I can't wait for tomorrow to come so that they'll leave. I like your uncle, I like your cousin, but I can't deal with her being like this. She's one of those first-time moms you know?

I'm very sad that I can't get near your father's niece. Sorry babe =(

12/11 - Chapter 147: Tooth out, peace out

I found out that one of the reasons you don't want to eat, wake up crying at night, is not due to drama or a new environment, but it's another little tooth of yours coming in the lower part. I discovered this because you don't take your hand out of your mouth, and you're drooling a lot. That's why you've been a bit fussy, not wanting to eat properly, and had these crying episodes during these days. When a baby's tooth comes in, boy, the trouble goes away, it's unbelievable. The only two teeth that didn't give us any trouble were the first two when you were 6 to 7 months old, and they came out on the bottom. For those two, you had no symptoms or reactions at all.

After having breakfast, you took the remote control from the living room table, and Chloe, seeing the remote, also wanted it. Her mother spoke loudly to her daughter (and, of course, to provoke me): - Why do you want the remote, Chloe? Children can't and shouldn't watch TV.

Obviously, this was a personal attack because of what happened last night when we were watching TV. I told you I felt she was being judgmental... Children don't always want the remote to watch TV. It's an object with a lot of buttons that capture the attention of little ones. Chloe herself doesn't watch, she doesn't know what it's for, and she wanted to take it, just out of curiosity.

But how unnecessary the comment was in front of me? If she knows you watch TV, and I allow it, why make such an unfortunate comment? Just say she can't have the remote, and that's it.

Okay, I took a deep breath, and life goes on. After that, we went back to the fair that was happening a few streets behind the house where we were staying. A festival with music, dances, a rooster beauty contest (yes, roosters), a sheep contest, and there was a parade with ponies and horses. Several children of various ages were riding the ponies. An adorable sight. Tiny ponies with children and babies riding them back and forth.

Seeing the horses, you were overjoyed, started dancing and jumping, showing that you wanted to ride a pony. Chloe went before you, and everything went well; she looked like a princess waving to the audience and saying hello on that beautiful white horse, even blowing kisses from time to time. A soap opera scene I might say. Now, you, Miss Maroca, when we put you on the pony you so badly wanted to ride, you started crying like crazy, not even giving us a chance for a photo or a video. You cried a lot.

And you're not usually fearful; you're quite different from your cousin Rafinha. But yesterday, you acted scared.

The 6 euros were the worst spent (your grandparents paid for them). It seemed like these days you were trying to embarrass us on purpose, young lady.

Then we went back home and had lunch. Your uncle Benjamin and his family went out for lunch. After lunch, you and I slept for 2 hours together, and when we woke up, Uncle Benjamin's family was no longer here. I confess that it was a relief for me; all that competitive atmosphere had gone. You're not a poodle or a dog in a show for me to keep trying to compete with...

At night, your grandparents went out, and it was just the three of us. Your father and I had an argument because of Edith.

After discussing it, we reached the conclusion that she indeed crossed boundaries by interfering in your upbringing and reprimanding you. What bothered us the most is that she didn't even pay attention to you, as if you weren't there, you know? Because of all this, I decided to delete her from your Instagram. I created your Instagram while I was pregnant with you and promised that it would be a private profile, only for the people who genuinely love and care for you. After all, I deleted my personal Instagram precisely due to my fear of envious people, the evil eye, and negative energies. I had over 800 followers... if I was close to 70, it was a lot. So, apart from deleting my personal account when I was pregnant with you, I vowed that your account would only have positive energy, and people who love you to follow your daily life. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case with her during those days.

But later on, guess what happened? Supposedly, she went to your Instagram to send me a message to apologize for not saying goodbye and noticed that I had deleted her. She asked your dad if she had done something wrong. Your dad got angry with me, and we had another argument. This is the message I asked him to send:

"Hi Edith, how are you? It's not personal, just that Natascha noticed a big cultural difference. Occasionally, she watches cartoons with Melanie and gives her some sweets. Both of you have very different parenting approaches, and I think she felt somewhat judged for this difference in child-rearing, as if she were somehow "less of a mother." Although she has previously been a nanny for children of different ages, I believe she felt uncomfortable with the way Melanie behaved when you were here, mainly because Melanie acted very differently on those days. Due to these parenting differences, she fears that perhaps you might not like her or that Melanie might have a negative influence on Chloe. Since Natascha frequently shares Melanie's routine, she's concerned that you might misinterpret some of the ways she raises Mel and form a mistaken opinion about Melanie.

Natascha has always had a strong passion for babies and children; in fact, she went to the United States to work as a nanny. However, she feels insecure with Chloe due to her strict upbringing. She wants to play with Chloe and carry her, but she feels a lot of apprehension. She even said that every time Melanie approached Chloe, she experienced great anxiety for fear that Melanie might do something you wouldn't like.

She is used with Rafinha, Melanie's other cousin in Brazil who is the same age as Chloe. With him, they hug a lot, kiss, and bathe together in the tub, having a great time. Natascha was afraid that Melanie might do something similar and that it would displease you. She is only a bit concerned about the differences in your parenting styles and, therefore, fears that Melanie might do something that could in some way upset you or Chloe."

If you want to know, I was very polite. But I really don't want any kind of trouble, especially because I don't want to put your dad in a difficult position with his brother or with his niece. So, for that reason, I accept many things in silence.

13/11 - Chapter 148: Eating rash cream ointment

Your father woke me up today saying that Edith sent an eight-minute audio to him, and now he had to listen, and that I ended up causing drama in his family. I got very upset because that was never my intention. I simply deleted her from your Instagram; I would have treated her normally if I saw her in person. I just didn't want her to keep following your life since she didn't show any affection for you. She called me a child, etc. I didn't unfollow her out of spite, drama, or any kind of feminine war. It was simply because on your Instagram, since I was pregnant with you, I promised that only people who truly love and care for you would be there. It's not that hard to understand, is it?

In the afternoon, we went to a beach your grandmother said is considered the 17th most beautiful beach in the world. It is indeed very beautiful, even without the sun. I believe that in the summer and with sunshine, the beach would be even more beautiful.

We enjoyed sitting on the beach for a while, listening to the waves breaking. You even went into the water a bit with your father, even though it was super cold and was not summer. Usually, you don't like cold water, but yesterday was an exception. You had fun, playing around on the beach. It was delightful to see you happy. The things you like the most so far, and make you very happy when you see them, are the beach and children's playgrounds. You always shout and get super excited; it's a joy to watch.

Afterward, we went to the supermarket to buy a few things and then headed back home. At night, you ate a little empanada with peas. When I put the peas on the table for you, you didn't want to eat, as usual. But when I put them in your mouth and insisted, you remembered that you liked peas. A few months ago, you were crazy about peas, you loved them. But now, anything green, you find disgusting and don't want to eat. It's like me with the color red, haha. But yesterday, you started eating peas again, and I saw how much you liked them. In the end, you ate a total of plain yogurt.

Now, the big challenge came at night. When I put you to sleep. I spent some time on my phone while you sat on my lap and there was a moment when I suspected that you were too quiet, and I should have done something or checked if you were okay. But it was too late. When I saw that the diaper cream lid was open, and you had spilled the liquid on the bed, I was shocked because you could have easily swallowed that tiny lid. It could have killed you instantly. Lord...

After that, I gave you the remaining milk you left, and I realized that you might have eaten the cream. I started to panic. I called the poison control center at a hospital in São Paulo, gave them the name of the medication, and they reassured me that the cream itself wasn't harmful, nothing that could endanger your life. The worst that could happen is you having gastrointestinal problems, diarrhea, and vomiting. They advised me to observe and, if anything, take you to the hospital.

You were doing fine. But 2 hours later, in the crib, you started coughing, which I initially thought was still related to your virus, but then you vomited a large amount all over your PJ, and we realized it was cream vomit. We panicked, didn't know what to do, whether we should take you to the hospital for stomach lavage; we simply didn't know. I called the poison control center again, and they said that even though it was strange for you to vomit only 2 hours later (usually, vomiting occurs right after ingestion), it still wasn't a major cause for concern. But you know a mother's heart, right? We worried about everything. And this time, the blame was on me; the worst could have happened if it were any other medication.

Stan's mother said it wasn't anything to worry about, and stomach lavage is done right after ingestion; you had already passed 2 hours, so it was already in the bloodstream. There was nothing to be done. We put you to sleep with us, and thank God you're fine!

14/11 - Chapter 149: Everybody is naked

Today, I woke up to many kisses from you—about 10, and it was delightful. Your father also asked for kisses, but you didn't give any, poor thing looked a bit sad, hahaha.

Around noon, we headed to the third and final beach. Upon arrival, I initially thought the beach might not be as beautiful as the one the day before, but it turned out to be even more stunning. Surprisingly, the water was even more crystalline.

We had a wonderful day. You played in the sun, and I was extremely concerned about you getting sunburned. Despite it being winter, the sun was quite hot, and I could feel my skin burning. Considering you were completely naked, I feared you might end up with a sunburn, especially since you played in a hole near the sea for a while and you're super white just like me. Your grandma reassured me, saying not to worry as the winter sun wouldn't cause burns. Nonetheless, I still anticipate seeing tonight if you have any sunburns. I hope I'm wrong...

Your father had fun at the beach, throwing stones into the sea. I recorded him several times tossing rocks into the water. He tried to teach me how to do it, but I'm simply terrible at it; every time I threw a stone, it sank.

Now, let me tell you about your grandma's nudity. It was a shock for me when she took off the top of her bikini, exposing her breasts at the beach. In Brazil, this is very rare, and in fact, if you do this on any beach, you can be arrested for indecent exposure. I believe there are no longer specific nudist beaches in Brazil, although a quick Google search can confirm. But I know that in any non-nudist beach, a person can face legal consequences.

I tried to appear chill and not look at all, but it's such a surreal thing in my world and culture that sometimes I couldn't help but glance. Haha.

All I know is that we influenced people around us. There was a baby of around 6-7 months who arrived after you, and he was in swimwear with sun protection, long sleeves. After seeing you naked on the beach, they did the same with the baby and after a while the baby was 100% naked crawling on the sand.

And the mother of a newborn, after seeing your grandma with exposed breasts, also went topless with the baby very close to her chest, but everything was visible. It's official, we influenced nudity. But make no mistake, LOL, I absolutely did not want to engage with that.

After a while, we returned home, not too late because we went to the beach reasonably early (at least in my world) and took advantage of the pool. The pool temperature was 34°C, and despite not having much sun in your grandparents' house due to the big walls, it was delightful. So cozy and warm. Everyone got in: me, you, your father, your grandpa, and your grandma. Your dad was naked, with his peepe out, and so did you. But you don't count, you're baby, it's only natural.

We spent some time enjoying that wonderful water. Later, when your grandfpa got out, he also took off his swim trunks to dry off, right in front of us. With his butt and peepee out. It was a lot of nudity for me in one day... And before getting into the pool, they tried to convince me to go without clothes as everyone was family, and I didn't bring a swimsuit. But no way. Nope. It's a no-no for me. This is 100% not my thing.

In the evening, you went out for a walk with your grandparents, and your father stayed home so I could work a bit and post some products for sale, especially for the Christmas season, where I want to sell well, and there will be a shipment coming from the United States. However, instead of enjoying the evening, I ended up having an argument with my sister. My whole night turned into a nightmare.

We had a WhatsApp group called "Rafinha and Mel," and your aunt Rosane nade a joke. Tayna posted a photo from when she was little, wearing a costume from an old soap opera called Rebelde (RBD), and your great-grandma Sonia wrote: "So pretty." Your aunt Rosane joked: "And nowadays, she's a Fiona." (Shrek reference).

"- I didn't understand?" She asked.

My aunt replied with a laugh again.

Then Tayna messaged me privately and asked again

"- I didn't understand?"

I replied: "- She said that nowadays you're ugly, obviously joking, just teasing you."

"- Oh, aunt Rosane always with these jokes...smh"

"- It's just a joke, but if you don't like it, tell her."

"- You think it's normal, Natascha, probably because you also do it to people."

I got very nervous because, besides finding it ridiculous, idiotic, and excessively sensitive to be so offended by such a stupid joke, she was coming to ATTACK ME. I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

I replied, "- I joke with those who joke with me and give me intimacy. It's been many years since I joked with you; it's noted that you don't like it."

"- Nobody likes it, Natascha. Neither I nor Pietra."

There, I was furious. I, overseas, taking care of my daughter, dealing with the sister-in-law situation, trying to work a little during the rare moments my daughter was out, and my sister comes to annoy me because of such a dumb joke? I don't have time for this.

First of all, yes, there are people who don't mind jokes and play with each other. So she can say "oh, nobody likes it." Shut up. Your father and I are an example. We love jokes, good humor, sarcasm, dark humor... and we joke and poke fun at each other. There is a big difference between someone PLAYING with you and someone deliberately trying to OFFEND you. I REALLY believe that intention ALWAYS HAS TO BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION. But that's MY personal opinion. I don't joke and will never joke with someone who hasn't given me freedom, with whom I don't feel trust, and with whom CLEARLY doesn't like jokes. We have to respect that each person is different, and what may be oversensitivity for me, and for you, may not be for another person.

And second, Pietra jokes with me, calls me names and I really don't care. But from the moment a person jokes with another, they have to accept a comeback. You can't call someone fat (even if the person isn't fat and you're clearly joking) and not accept a comeback. Since Pietra makes jokes with me, I do the same with her. And if she ever got offended and didn't like it, it's HER who has to come talk to me. Period.

So, I've reached my limit and wrote something like this:

"- Save the fight for when I offend you. But hey, since I haven't offended you, and yet you're fighting with me, now I'm going to give you a reason: GO FUCK YOURSELF. I'm not your husband or your mother for you to mistreat me and speak in a bad tone however you want whenever you want. I haven't done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to you. If you woke up on a bad day, don't take it out on me. I'm also having bad days here, and I never once took it out on you. So, GO FUCK YOURSELF." And I blocked her.

By then, I was already nervous, shaking, and almost crying. I don't like fights, I don't like arguments or ultracations. It makes me feel rushed, anxious, and sad. And lately, every time I get nervous, I feel my lungs closing up. I don't know, bronchitis again? I haven't had it since I was a child and thought I was already cured. But since the hospital with you, I started having it again.

15/11 - Chapter 150: Saturn

Turns out your grandmother was right. You didn't end up with a sunburn anywhere on your body. Hurray!

And today was our last full day in Mallorca. We left home in the late afternoon and stopped by the IKEA store because your grandma wanted to buy some things like glasses and even a door (piece of furniture) that the last guests broke. Your grandparents rent the house in Mallorca throughout the summer.

We spent about an hour at IKEA, and there were many stuffed animals there. Can you guess which one you liked? It wasn't a princess, a kitten, or a bunny. It was an ET. Yeap, that's right. A green ET... You were torn between the ET and the monkey, but the ET won. I think the monkey would have been so much better... but I didn't buy it, so I'll keep quiet, hahaha.

After that, we went to Palma city, the largest city in Mallorca. It's a beautiful. For a moment, I felt like I was in New York. It's a shame that the Christmas lights aren't on yet; your father said it looks beautiful!

To end on a high note, we had dinner at a restaurant. The restaurant seemed too fancy and sophisticated; I was afraid of the prices, even though your grandfather would probably pay. In the end, it wasn't so outrageous, just a very nice place.

I had a lot of appetizers, so I didn't have much appetite for the main course, and there was leftover food. I ate delicious chicken and ham croquettes. I had some toasted bread (it came with tomato, and I don't like tomatoes, but I ate it anyway), tried your potato and onion omelet, and the omelet with sobrasada and artichoke. I liked it. Your father also made me try a mushroom croquette, and I confess I liked it too. Yum, so delicious—Natascha, your picky mother trying new foods.

The only thing I REFUSED to try was tuna. Tuna is something intolerable for me, one of the worst foods. Just the smell makes me want to vomit. Your grandmother pushed a bit, but thankfully your father saved me.

You? You barely ate anything, so we had to give you bread as always. You with this damn habit of throwing food on the floor when you're in the high chair. I can't wait for this habit to pass; seriously, we're all going crazy with it!

Your grandfather paid, and we left reasonably late. I thought you would fall asleep in the car, and you did, the whole trip that lasted about an hour. When we arrived, I picked you up quickly, gave you a bit of milk, and you went back to sleep.

Around 11:30 pm, your father wanted to go to the village restaurant to see if it was still open for us to have ice cream. So, off we went. But when we got there, it was closed. We returned, and on the way, we made a stop in front of a church to see the starry sky. The night sky in Mallorca is wonderful. Your father and I lay on those steps to see the stars. What a beautiful sky... it's a pity that even the best iPhone camera can't capture that image for me to show you. Your father even saw two shooting stars. And there was one star shining very brightly, standing out from all the others, and there were many.

Babe, I am passionate about the night sky. The moon, the stars enchant me. I think the moon and stars are some of the most beautiful things on this planet Earth. For a moment, I got lost in that landscape. I've only been to a planetarium once, and it's enchanting. My moon + star tattoo on my leg is precisely because of my addiction to the night sky. Your father and I share this passion; I hope you do too.

And there we stayed for a good while, your father and I, looking at the stars. At one point, I stopped and played the song "SATURN" by Sleeping At Last. One of my favorite songs, my 3rd favorite to be more precise. The original video of this song is amazing with stars, sky, universe... and the lyrics of the song fits perfectly the moment. I always wanted to look at the stars in such a beautiful sky while listening to this song, and today I did!

Despite the beautiful landscape (which is not possible to see in São Paulo), I started to feel afraid because it was already late, and we were on a deserted street, lying on stairs. This would never happen in São Paulo; you would be robbed and possibly even killed by drug addicts in a few minutes. How sad, right? And I, as a Brazilian, used to violence and hearing scary stories, was afraid to be there, at this perfec moment. How sad is that? We can't enjoy wonderful and unique moments for fear of losing our lives due to the evil that surrounds this world.

All I wish for you is a better world, a world with better people and less hatred. My father follows spiritualism, and in his religion, it says that we are in a world of atonement, but after this planet, there is another one that is much better, and the last of them where everything that exists is love, happiness, and good things. How good would it be if that were true? To me, it sounds like any other fairy tale, but it would be incredible.

Imagine a world without hatred, without envy, without violence, without drugs, without possession, without politics, without weapons, without blood, without death. Picture a world with a starry sky all the time, alternating with a beautiful sunny sky where a pleasant breeze touches your entire body. A world without fear. Perhaps one day we will be in that world, on that planet, in that universe together.

All I know is that, despite loving the starry sky, all I wanted was to return home safe and sound, to be with you. Because one thing I love more than the night sky is you, my daughter. And I still want to have plenty of time to live unforgettable stories with you. So I just didn't want take any chance :)

PS: Your father even asked me if I would move there. Despite liking Mallorca more than I thought, I wouldn't move there. It's an island, in Spain, which is located in Europe. Indeed, the island is quite large, with cities that are very beautiful and entirely livable. I could envision us living in those beautiful beaches. But beauty is not everything; when living in a place, it's essential to know if there are quality schools with a good education system and, most importantly, quality hospitals, doctors, and pediatricians. These are usually not easily found on an island.

And I must say that despite loving Mallorca, nothing, absolutely nothing, replaces my desire to live in San Diego.

16/11 - Chapter 151: Hasta pronto, Mallorca!

Today was the day to leave, catch a plane, return the car... I thought it would be more tiring, but it turned out better than I expected. We left home around 5:00 PM, returned the car swiftly, and the airport process was also quick—so quick that I didn't even have time to buy Lindt chocolate at Duty Free. There were several Lindt chocolates, but we were in a hurry. Now I need to find Lindt chocolates in Barcelona to bring as a gift.

But before boarding, we stopped at Burger King. I bought a burger for myself and your father to share, along with chili bites, bacon fries, and Nutella ice cream.

I ate quickly before boarding the plane, and off we went to Barcelona. We traveled for the first time in the first row of the plane; we even had to put our backpacks in the overhead compartment. It was a quick trip, and we were back in Barcelona.

See you soon, Mallorca!

17/11 - Chapter 152: Bowling & Chicken Fingers

Yesterday was a calm day; we only went out in the evening. We went bowling. It was supposed to be us, Marti, Natalia, Marc, and a friend I invited, Renata from Brazil. Her dad was a bit upset because Natalia invited several friends from college. I told him it was okay.

We walked to a bus stop, and when we got there, a lady said the bus had just passed. I took the opportunity to go into the nearby store (I love going into stores here and seeing the things they sell that are different from Brazil, especially in the sweets and chocolates section). There was a very thin Milka biscuit that I had never tried before, and a white filled biscuit too. I went to your dad who was waiting at the bus stop to get my wallet. He started arguing with me, saying that the bus was about to pass, and we were going to miss it. I said it would be quick and ran to buy them.

I quickly grabbed the chocolates, and there were three people in front of me, the first of them a couple who seemed to be messing with me because they were taking forever to figure out a payment method... I started to get nervous. When it was my turn, I rushed, and the bus was passing at that moment. We ALMOST missed it. Your dad would have killed me.

When we arrived at the bowling alley, it was crowded, and Natalia really invited a lot of friends LOL. Marc was not there, he wasn't feeling well. Natalia's gang had already started a game, so your dad and I started one on our own. It was fun, and I beat your dad easily, just look at the score. He was playing really badly.

The only thing that surprised and upset me is that you can't order food on the bowling alley lane, only drinks. I had been to this bowling alley once a few years ago on my first visit to Barcelona, and I could order food. I think they changed because even cleaning each lane took a while to free it up for others waiting.

The waiting line was 2 and a half hours; we only didn't wait because Marti and Natalia had already reserved a lane for us before we arrived. But anyway, I was hungry and wanted to eat while playing. And I wanted you to eat too. Bowling without snacks just isn't the same.

After winning convincingly against your dad in the first game, my friend Renata arrived with her friend, and Marti and Natalia joined us. So, we started the second and last game. In this game, I was terrible, I was doing soooooo bad. At some point, I had already given up on doing well... I was making mistakes! Maybe because I was drinking sangria with Natalia and was a bit tipsy? It was the first time I had sangria, and I liked it! We were having fun, and everyone treated you very well. It's very nice to see people treating your child well and with affection. But, more towards the end, you started to get restless, hungry, and sleepy. And what saved us was the Milka biscuit I bought. Even your dad, who is against sweets, gave you some because we needed to finish the game. You ate 3 biscuits... After finishing bowling, I ordered chicken fingers, and we ate, you and me, deliciously.

Later, the three of us took the subway back home, and you fell asleep quickly. However, at night, you gave us a lot of trouble. I went to bed at 2 in the morning because yesterday I received the footage from your 1st-year party, and being as anxious as I am, I watched it. But I was disappointed because it was a 4-hour party, and I only received 21 minutes of footage. I wanted at least 1 hour... But oh well... Then, at 3, you started waking up, and then you didn't stop... At 4:30, you woke up and only went to sleep around 6 after we gave you milk (you haven't breastfed at night for a long time, I really don't know what happened to you tonight, but I'm feeling like a zombie, and I have zero patience, and I'm quite irritated with you. Sorry, my love, I don't know what to do).

18/11 - Chapter 153: Puppunicorn

Yesterday, we met your father's half-sister, Caroline. She is the daughter of your grandfather from his first marriage. She had arrived the night before, but since we were at the bowling alley, by the time we got back, it was a bit late, and she had already gone to bed.

She's very friendly. She's living in India for a long, long time. Oh, and she has beautiful blue eyes. She brought you a puppy dressed as a unicorn that you loved, and it's one of the cutest stuffed animals I've ever seen. I call it "puppunicorn," a mix of puppy and unicorn.

We spent the day talking and getting to know Caroline, and later in the day, we had to go to your Uncle Benjamin's house to discuss the Instagram incident. I went there for your father because, personally, I considered the matter resolved and left behind. But to avoid harming your father's relationship with his brother and niece, I did my part. Caroline joined us, and we walked for about 30 to 40 minutes until we reached there.

Upon our arrival there, that's when things began to get a bit tumultuous. Firstly, Stan's sister wasn't very well received. At first, I didn't notice as I was taking off my shoes in the hallway. But they mentioned that they expressed surprise at her presence, saying they weren't expecting her. She didn't feel welcome. She lay on the couch and asked us to pretend as if she wasn't there. Meanwhile, she stayed on her phone, presumably talking to her father and asking him to come pick her up since she didn't know the way back to your grandparents' house. While this was happening with her, we began discussing what had happened in Mallorca. Edith started off a bit agitated, actually quite agitated. Her husband had to tell her to calm down, that this wasn't the way. Seeing her so nervous in her own home made me entirely uncomfortable. I wanted to leave, but I kept my composure for your father's sake.

Caught off guard, I saw your father's sister standing up from the couch, saying he was leaving because your grandfather had arrived. But she was not anger or anything of the sort. So, I was very confused; she had just arrived not even five minutes ago after walking for so long. After all that time, I asked: "Are you leaving?" I must have had a pleading look in my eyes, silently saying: "Please don't go!" She looked at me and said yes, with a smile, but somewhat mocking. No one stopped her from leaving, which was a surprise to me. In Brazil, we would insist, saying, "No, stay a bit longer. It's early." Even if we didn't really mean it, we would welcome people warmly!

I felt really bad for her, but at the moment, the argument was so heated that I refocused on that. To be honest, I often pretended I couldn't understand Spanish just to avoid responding or debating with her. So, I started speaking English with your uncle Benjamin, and he sort of acted as a translator between me and her. I understood almost everything, but I didn't want to lose my composure and start an argument. That's why I thought it was more prudent to talk to him, and he could mediate.

Long story short, after many times saying that this isn't how things are resolved, that it's teenager behavior, that they weren't used to this, I overlooked all those times. She apologized for calling your attention at the table. Your dad mentioned that you spoke a bit louder, and she said, "At the table, it's not a place to shout." She then reaffirmed, "But it really isn't." That's when both your father and I responded, "Yes, but she still doesn't understand; she's only 1 year old."

In the end, the issue seemed to be resolved. We explained our side a bit, my situation, and I think everything is okay.

Later, your grandfather came to pick us up, and upon arriving at your grandparents' house, we'll see how your father's sister is. I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry she had to go through this because your father mentioned that your grandfather told him she didn't feel welcome. None of the presents she brought for Chloe were opened.

At home, already in bed before going to sleep, I received a message from her saying she hoped everything was resolved, that we could have vented. I talked a bit with her, said yes, that at no point was I angry or trying to hurt them. It's just a matter of social media, and I thought it was for the best. As the conversation unfolded, we ended up discussing the topic of children, and I mentioned the movie 'The Sound of Freedom,' which I talked about with you in one of the previous chapters. I told her that it's a movie worth watching, especially if you have kids, even though it's challenging to watch due to its heavy subject matter. She replied that she and her husband rarely watch TV, even when Chloe isn't around. It wasn't a habit they had, and they were more old-fashioned, preferring conversations and books. Honestly, I have neither the tolerance nor patience for that. How can you have any kind of relationship with someone so different from you? There's no common ground because everything you have to say, the person either dislikes, disagrees with, doesn't know, or simply prefers not to engage in. I can't explain it...

I'd rather keep interactions short, not create more problems. Me... your mother, causing trouble? I've never had issues with anyone, and here in Barcelona, a conflict within a month? Odd... Well, live and learn.

19/11 - Chapter 154: Cat soul

Today, we didn't leave the house because we had a visit from a couple of friends of your grandparents. I didn't know they would be here today, so for breakfast, I had three croissants. Sometimes we just don't have lunch here, just a brunch, so I like to eat better during breakfast to not be hungry. Right after I had breakfast, Stan's mom made spicy meat turnovers, pepperoni pizza, and a few other things. If I had known there would be so much food, I wouldn't have indulged so much at breakfast.

Then your grandparents' friends arrived. Despite seeming friendly, the woman was a bit too intense. In what sense? Melanie, you're like a cat. When people get to know you, they need to take it slow, be patient, gain your trust, gradually carve out a space with you. Only then do you start to give a little freedom, attention, and affection. Like cats, it takes time to win you over, and it requires a bit of patience. But once you like someone, you become one of the most affectionate beings I've ever seen. But if someone sees you as a puppy, they'll be disappointed. You're not like a dog that wags its tail and loves anyone who pets it. She wanted so badly to grab you and make her presence known that she ended up scaring and pushing you away. Every time you were around her, you were alert, scared, and crying.

There was an episode with crackers. I was in the hammock just watching you, and she gave you a crackers with ice cream. I thought it was very wrong. Even though I let you have some sweets with us from time to time, a stranger shouldn't give you food, let alone sweets, to a baby they don't know. After all, the parents may not like it. Not only that, but the child could be allergic, have lactose intolerance, and you don't know the routine of that child and family... But, well, since you're used to eating, I didn't pay much attention. I just thought it was imprudent and audacious to do that.

There was a moment when she took the cracker from you playfully. You didn't like it and started crying. She wanted to give you the cracker back, but you didn't want to take it anymore. You cried a lot, and she kept insisting for you to take it from her hand. I opened a cracker for myself, left mine on the table, and she actually took mine away, hid it, saying that she wanted you to take hers, she wanted to give it to you. Damn, she seemed like a 10-year-old. What a foolish mindset. You didn't want to take her cracker, but you clearly wanted one, just not from her. Your dad got upset, tried to ask her to give you the cracker, of course, politely, but she didn't want that; she wanted you to take it from her hand. At the last second, you took the cracker. Poor thing thought you would like her for it, not realizing she did the opposite. You took the cookie crying, and still, you were hesitant to eat it. As for her husband, you loved him because he took his time with you, and he was so gentle, respecting your space that you were soon in his arms.

After the cookie episode, your dad and I went downstairs (we were upstairs), and I took a nap with you. When we woke up, everyone was still here, but already inside the house.

When I woke up, they said they were discussing the issue of Palestine versus Israel, which is a very sad episode in the world. Both are at war, and the terrorist group Hamas initiated this war, killing women, children, and, believe it or not, babies. They did horrible and nameless things, such as behead children, cutting pregnant women's bellies with machetes, and even putting a baby in the oven. I can't even imagine such an atrocity. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I don't have enough knowledge about the history of Israel and Palestine. I know Israel is not 100% innocent; I know they took land from Palestine. I don't have the knowledge to delve into this war; all I know is that it's not right. Israel yes is bombing, killing some innocent people, but it's crossfire. Unfortunately, some civilians are dying because of the war. However, they don't specifically target civilians, and they don't want to kill children and women; it just happens because of the war. As for the terrorist group, they aimed and wanted to kill civilians and innocents. To me, there's a significant difference in this scenario.

I became very afraid of a third world war, but I don't think that's going to happen. I just know that many innocent people are dying, and someone has to stop all of this...

Going back to our day, when we woke up, you stayed very close to me. This has been happening since yesterday. You're clinging to me a lot and don't want to go with anyone or anything other than me. Everything, you look for me; you want my embrace. I don't know what's happening. I hope it's just a phase. As much as I love being close and attached to you, I don't want you to develop a dependence solely on me.

Your Aunt Anais was coming for the second and possibly the last time. I was happy because I liked her and wanted to share some gossip from Mallorca with Edith. Before she arrived, I was feeling a bit out of place because everyone was talking for a long time in French, and I didn't understand anything. Despite knowing a little bit of French, I can only grasp a few words and piece together a small context, but nothing substantial.

When Anais arrived, I tried to talk to her a bit, but given your attachment to me, it was almost impossible. And you weren't having a good day, at least not after waking up. You were crying a lot, screaming a lot; it seemed like she was bothering you, probably because of your tooth. But I couldn't have a conversation with her. Every time I started the story, I was interrupted. At one point, I told her: "I'll manage to tell you the whole story at some point." And she replied: "Since I wasn't there, I don't really care to be honest."

That was kind of a punch in the stomach because I wanted so much to vent, and apparently, she wasn't interested in listening. After that, I didn't try to tell the story anymore. I sat in a corner, all deflated and sad, feeling even more exiled while she chatted with Stan's sister.

Look, I respect not wanting to hear stories and gossip. In fact, I think that's pretty decent. My intention wasn't even to gossip, just to have a conversation with someone, you know? But I respect it, and I think it's cool that she's not into gossip. She doesn't seem like the type of woman who has the patience, time, or interest for that. She studied medicine, is a gynecologist, and now does artificial inseminations. I believe her time is short and precious to waste on such things. So, I totally respect and admire that. But I was still sad.

Later, she sat next to me and asked if everything was okay. I said yes. Then I asked her how it was dealing with a long-distance relationship. She's married to your uncle Arthur, whom I haven't met yet, and he's currently working in Italy. Then she replied: "Kinda of exhausting because people always ask me that, today alone, it's been 5 times." Another punch to the stomach. I felt intrusive, and I just wanted to strike up a conversation. Also, having had a long-distance relationship with your dad for so long, I know how tough it can be. She has a strongt personality too, speaks her mind. Now, I'll be more careful with what I say, so as not to be imprudent. My bad...

After that, I even brought up the Mallorca subject again, saying I just wanted to vent because I felt like a failure as a mother, and then she paid attention. Your dad even started sharing some things too.

Anyway, after that, we had dinner and went to rest.

An interesting side story about your grandparents' friends: Your dad told me how much they are paying for their daughter's wedding—around €600 per person. Can you believe that? And he mentioned that despite paying the bill of the wedding, the daughter won't let them invite some people they wanted to. Damn, how can someone be so spoiled?

My parents also wanted to pay for my sister's wedding, but she didn't want to invite the whole family. However, my mom said that if they pay, they have the right to invite our family. And man, that's indisputable. If you're accepting financial help from others, there are rules and conditions. It shouldn't be so easy and free. Nothing should come that easily. Dang, the parents are paying for the wedding and can't invite some people they like? I would have given up right away. I would say to you: "Look, I'm paying, but I really want to invite some special people for me. If you agree, let's move forward; if not, no deal." Or try to find a compromise. If the person doesn't like someone specific, that's understandable, otherwise, I can't comprehend it. I think some parents want to give everything to their children and sometimes end up hindering their maturity and future responsibility. Like your maternal grandparents.

They want to give so much to us, but so much that sometimes it ends up affecting maturity and future responsibility. Your aunt is an example. She barely knows what it's like to work, never did an internship, doesn't know what responsibility is. My parents handed us everything on a silver platter: house, car, everything you can imagine. Even health insurance for you and your cousin, school... It's not right.

Sometimes I feel really bad about it, for not being able to break free from their wings enough, to earn enough money to do and have my own things, you know? I believe that in life, everything should be earned; you don't need to be a parent like a couple of parents I know, who have a good financial situation and don't help their child at all. I find that wrong. But I also think that indulging excessively is something that isn't healthy. You need to provide the tools for your children to grow and carve out their own space.

It's like the fishing story. It's better to teach someone how to fish so that they know how to secure food for the rest of their lives, than to always give them the fish, making them depend on you forever.

I hope to be able to give you many things, but I also hope to teach you to achieve many things. It's so fulfilling when we manage to accomplish something on our own, it's a feeling of triumph so great, so well-deserved, indescribable. I hope you feel that one day, whether it's achieving the job of your dreams, the marriage of your dreams, the house of your dreams, or living in a place you love so much. Achieving something for yourself, through the things you've done and your sacrifices. I never reject something your parents offer you that you can't afford for yourself at the moment, but strive to change that scenario in the future.

I can. I want to. I can do it! Repeat it to yourself!

PS: 1 year and 1 month. Yay!

20/11 - Chapter 155: A needle in a haystack

Today the plan was to go to the science museum, but since we woke up a little later your father didn't want to go anymore because he thought we wouldn't enjoy it enough. Instead, he asked if we could go to the beach with his sister and father. Sure, no problem at all. And so we went to a beach just outside of Barcelona. A nice and empty beach.

I don't know why I decided to put your gold earring (that your uncle Decio gave you) in the car to go to the beach???? I'm being so cautios with that... I made the biggest mistake I could have made. Since we didn't have a car seat, you were on my lap the whole time. I kept an eye on you, the times you tried to remove the earring, I didn't let you. I was very alert. But when we got out of the car to go to the beach, when we were already on the sand, I noticed that you were only wearing one of the earrings, the other was completely lost. I was super upset because I knew the chance of finding the earring would be none on a beach. Sand is already so shiny, imagine finding a tiny earring in that sand, it's like finding a needle in a haystack! So I was upset the whole beach time, and your father said we could use it in the car. But I thought it was impossible because I was watching you in the car the whole time. When we got into the car, the first thing I saw was a shiny thing, it was the earring back. I got hopeful and looked for the earring, but no success.

When we got home, your father said that when we entered the garage, he would look for it. But when we got there, he searched for a while, but again, no success. The earring wasn't there. So what I think happened was that you took off the earring back in the car, the earring was unprotected, and when we put you in the stroller to go to the beach, you took it off. It happened at the June party at Tayna's house. The earring back, you lost at your grandparents' house, and eventually you lost the earring the party.

I was sad, but it was stupid of me to put a gold earring on you to go to the beach. I didn't put the silver one I bought because you had taken off the back on the plane and I was lazy, didn't want to look for it... Here's the result!

You are the first and only baby I know who keeps taking off earrings. I haven't met any other baby who does that. You're giving me a hard time, Melanie, it's not easy. Soon I'll give up on these earrings, you know? It's the second earring from Uncle Décio that you've lost. He gave you two gold earrings at your baby shower. And you lost one pair of each. Now you only have one complete earring in gold from your maternal grandparents.

You will have to pierce your ear again in the future, it will hurt, and I don't want to hear any complaints.

21/11 - Chapter 156: Shiny poop

Yesterday, after giving up on the science museum, your dad said that we would go for sure tomorrow. The plan was to wake up earlier and go, but this morning, you were quite a handful. You woke up at 6:00 am. In the first hour, you were quiet, awake but not making a mess, just peacefully awake. Very quiet, but moving... Now, in the second hour, you already wanted to get up. So we made your milk, but even after the milk, it took a while for you to go back to sleep. You slept a little after eight. So, it was 2 hours trying to get you to sleep. I felt very tired because I had gone to bed after 2:00 am, that is, less than 4 hours of sleep. So when we woke up definitively, I asked your father to stay with you for a while so I could sleep more.

When I got up, he said it was too late to go to the science museum, and he had other plans: he wanted to go to a small town outside Barcelona to spend the last day with his sister. At first, I was a little upset because these were not our plans, and I told him to go with you, and I would work at home. At this point, I wasn't even angry; I really had to work. I also understood that he would have to spend time with his sister. But then he didn't want to go anymore, and then I didn't think it was fair, so I decided to go.

The mood was great now; we all went to this town that I had already been to the first time I came to Barcelona. It's a bit far, about 40 minutes. So we needed a car seat for you, and your grandpa and dad asked Edith. Well, at first, your dad asked your uncle and he told him to ask Edith because he wasn't at home. Here's more or less the conversation:

- Hello, Edith, how are you? We are going on a trip and wanted to know if it would be possible to take the car seat that is left to put Melanie?

- Hello, no, dear, I'm not at home. =(

- But my father has the key to the house and knows where it is, couldn't we stop by?

- I'd rather not because the house is a mess, sorry!!

They got mad, but your dad only told me about it later. And your grandpa got mad this time, got upset. And what did he do? We drove to the nearest Carrefour, and bought a great car seat for you, and then we went on a trip.

I had to sit on your father's lap on the way there and back because the car seat was large and occupied almost the entire rear of the car, and the car is small. You were sleeping, and when we got there, you were already excited.

We walked by the beach, and then we found a small restaurant to eat. I had some Spanish spices, which were bread with toppings like chistorra, chicken, and croquettes. I liked everything! And for you, we ordered grilled chicken that came with potatoes and eggs, and you ate moderately well. It was a quick and enjoyable trip, but your grandfather and aunt thanked us for going and were happy. And of course, your father too.

On the way back, to my surprise, when changing your diaper, I was about to take off your screw-on earring, but you were faster than me. I did a brief search and saw that it is extremely difficult for a baby your age to unscrew an earring, but you can accomplish this feat. My goodness.................. But this time, I found the earring, which hadn't even come out of your ear yet, but I couldn't find the back. I tried to look on the bed, didn't find it, and gave up. After 40 minutes, you pooped, and to my surprise, I saw a shiny object in your poop. Guess what? It was the back of the earring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was shocked that you ate the earring back. I was shocked, surprised, scared, felt so many emotions... It all happened so fast; how did you manage to put it in your mouth without me seeing? And why put that in your mouth?

Well, I took you to the bath with your father and called my mom very worried. Logically, if you think about it, if you swallowed the earring today, there's nothing stopping you from also having swallowed the earring yesterday. But the earring is much more dangerous because it has a tip, an object that can hurt and pierce your organs. The back, on the other hand, does not. We were very apprehensive, and I didn't know what to do.

We were very anxious, and I didn't know what to do. I really think the earring fell on the beach, but what if it didn't? Should we take you to the hospital for an X-ray? I was worried and trying to figure out a solution with your dad. I even called your great-grandmother. At first, she laughed, then said to keep an eye on you and thought that if you had swallowed it, it would have already been expelled through the feces, just like what happened with the earring back. She also mentioned that my uncle Ney swallowed a coin when he was a child, and the doctor also laughed. You kids always come up with something... but accidents can happen in situations like this.

We agreed to observe you, and since the earring incident yesterday, you've been doing well, active, without coughing, eating well... so I believe it really must have fallen in the beach sand. I hope that's the case.

Now, I won't put earrings on you anymore. I will pierce your ear with the earring once a day for only 1 minute so that the hole doesn't close. It's the best I can do with this annoying habit of yours. Still, I love you so much!

22/11 - Chapter 157: Tilikum

Today I woke up a bit grumpy because there was no milk when I woke up. I don't know if you know, but my day starts with my milk. Since... forever. Not only that but I exclusively drink 2% milk with 2 spoons of Nescau and one of sugar (everyone judges me). I forgot to bring my Nescau to Barceloa and so far I've been drinking with Nesquik. But it's just not the same :(

So I was grumpy when we head to the zoo. Before we got there, we stopped at Starbucks for me to eat something. I ordered a hazelnut hot chocolate, a Red Velvet muffin, and a chocolate cookie. And for you, we ordered a cold sandwich.

After Starbucks, we went to the zoo and arrived there reasonably late. We saw on the sign that the zoo would close at 4:30 PM. But by the end of the day, we managed to see all the animals and stroll through the entire zoo, despite your constant bad mood because you were very tired, wanted to sleep, but couldn't sleep in that environment because you were excited. The same thing happened at the San Diego Zoo; you were tired and couldn't enjoy anything, but there we had forgotten your pacifier. It was a nightmare.

We left the park exactly at 5:30 PM, and at that moment, you were sleeping in my arms. It had been about 10 minutes since you fell asleep on my lap. We put you in the stroller, took the subway, and went back home.

The zoo was cool, nothing special. But there were some animals, and we got to see up close animals like the giraffe and the zebra.

I hope that in the future we can take you to conservation actions and those that protect endangered animals. The San Diego Zoo is considered one of the best in the world; there they even have a section for animals that are endangered.

People have a distorted idea of most zoos. I agree that a few shouldn't even be open, but others have a fundamental importance for the lives of these animals, especially endangered ones. I think people should inform themselves a little better before judging. This doesn't mean I defend all zoos.

Another thing I will never side on is the circus that uses animals for exhibition. Never go to a circus where they use animals like elephants, lions, and other creatures that shouldn't be in that environment. One place I regret going to is Sea World. That is not the right environment for whales; it serves no purpose like some zoo animals. Its function is purely entertainment at the expense of the animals' suffering.

Many whales were taken from the sea, and many dolphins as well, to be in that environment. When an animal is already born in the environment, I believe it doesn't suffer because that's the only environment they knows. But when the animal is taken from its natural habitat to go to a place as small as that, I believe they may even go into depression. After all, dolphins are one of the most intelligent animals in the world.

Now, I will tell you a tragic story about Tilikum, a whale that lived at Sea World:

"In 1983, a two-year-old whale was caught in Iceland, and then he went to Canada. They named him Tilikum. A former trainer Eric Walters, remembered Tilikum as, “Very well behaved, and always eager to please… Tilikum was the one you trusted.”

But early on, a trainer paired Tilikum with a pre-trained killer whale. If the trained whale performed the behavior that the trainer wanted, but Tilikum did not perform it, the trainer punished both whales, depriving both of food. The trained whale became sufficiently frustrated to rake Tilikum head-to-tail with bleeding tooth marks. Nothing like that has ever been documented for free-living killer whales. It was the beginning of nightmare for Tilikum.

Sealand's management, fearing sabotage, locked the whales in a cramped steel container at night. Free-living killer whales travel long distances daily, but Tilikum spent more than half his time in the narrow container with hostile companions, resulting in fresh bite wounds. Ken Balcomb, a killer whale researcher, suggested that this confinement likely led to Tilikum's psychosis. As early as 1981, the writer Erich Hoyt had observed, "Captive orcas at Sea World and Marineland have held trainers underwater, nearly drowning them. There have been a number of bitings. These incidents generally occur after an individual whale has been in captivity for several years. Due to a change in routine or sometimes due to boredom, the whale suddenly becomes frustrated or disturbed. Fortunately, there is usually some warning to the trainer. To date, no captive has killed its trainer." But one day in 1991, Tilikum and the two other whales drowned a trainer named Keltie Byrne after she accidentally slipped into the water. (Trainers there didn’t normally enter the water.) Perhaps the whales, surprised to suddenly find a human in the pool with them for the first time, were just playing. The attack did not appear brutal; they just kept her under the water longer than a human could hold her breath. We’ll never know what was on their minds. The publicity forced Sealand’s closure. Tilikum was sold to SeaWorld. As a producer of sperm, he was worth millions to them. Tilikum faced further challenges at SeaWorld, where he was housed with harassing females. Unlike free-living killer whales, Tilikum, originating from Iceland, faced social isolation. Despite his value as a sperm producer, Tilikum suffered in captivity, illustrating the grim consequences of keeping such intelligent and social creatures in confined spaces.

When killer whales were initially brought into captivity, they were mistakenly seen as mindless killers. However, closer observation in captivity revealed that these creatures, often called orcas, are remarkably friendly, interactive, and capable of forming nuanced understanding and close bonds.

Graeme Ellis, a researcher with decades of experience studying free-living killer whales, emphasizes the importance of maintaining a whale's sanity in captivity. Juvenile orcas start off eager, but over time, some become bored and lethargic, while others develop neurotic and potentially dangerous behaviors. Ellis notes that after a few years in captivity, they all show signs of mental distress. In 1999, a tragic incident occurred when a man sneaked into SeaWorld Orlando and was found dead in Tilikum's pool, possibly resulting from an unfortunate meeting between two disturbed minds.

In 2010, Tilikum killed SeaWorld trainer Dawn Brancheau. Dawn Brancheau was an experienced and seasoned trainer, was interacting with Tilikum in the water when the killer whale unexpectedly pulled her into the pool. The incident was witnessed by park guests and captured on video.

A few people think by watching the tragic video that Tilikum seems to have thought he’d done what she’d asked, but missed seeing the next cue from her, then become frustrated when she did not reward him. According to reports and investigations, it appeared that Tilikum grabbed Dawn Brancheau by her hair and pulled her into the water. The autopsy report later revealed that she died from multiple traumatic injuries and drowning.

Tilikum had endured a bizarre existence. He was involved in the death of three humans. Tilikum had been transformed from a wild, apex predator to an amusement for tourists. And that transformation wasn't smooth. He suffered bullying by other captive whales and stress from being separated from his wild family, according to his trainers. And he had a demanding schedule of training and performances.

The documentary "Blackfish," released in 2013, brought further attention to Tilikum's story and raised questions about the treatment of killer whales in captivity.

Tilikum's tragic life made a difference in the world. His story led to a decline in attendance at SeaWorld and whale shows in recent years. Protests were launched, musicians boycotted the parks, and, ultimately, the company announced that it would begin phasing out animal-based entertainment."

There are several ethical and conservation concerns associated with keeping whales, especially large marine mammals like orcas, in captivity: Limited space, social isolation, reduced lifespan, health issues, impact on conservation.

23/11 - Chapter 158: An unknown loss

Today, we only left your grandparents' house around 6:00 p.m. to go see the Christmas lights on one of the main streets in Barcelona. They were supposed to light up at 6:30 sharp, so we arrived promptly. However, you were in a really bad mood, and instead of having fun, we were getting stressed out, especially because the lights didn't come on at 6:30. By 6:40, we gave up and headed towards the Lindt chocolate store. I needed to buy Lindt for my parents, for Christmas, for Luciana who brings me suitcases from the United States, for several people...

As we walked, we heard shouting that made my heart almost stop for a second, thinking it was a terrorist attack, hahahhaa. But it was just the lights being turned on. The street looked beautiful, and you were enchanted for a few seconds, but soon forgot about it.

We quickly stopped by Sephora for me to buy an eyeliner since, with your new habit of opening my wallet, you lost mine. It cost me almost 10 euros. After that, we went to a snack bar that sold "fogazza" and bought a chicken one for you, and one for your dad and me to share. Very tasty, and your mood improved a bit after eating. From there, we went to a chocolate shop, and I spent almost an hour choosing chocolates. I spent 58 euros, and that's because I had a 30% discount on everything...

Leaving there, we returned to your grandparents' house because Aunt Anais came to visit us again and have dinner there. And as always, her company was very pleasant, and she always treats you very well! It's always a joy to see!

On the other hand, I was sad because your grandfather got three rabbits for you and your cousin to play with. One that looks like our kitten Simba passed away soon. They said he arrived already sick and was very quiet. The other one was being taken to the vet tonight because it was full of worms inside :( I was very sad.

This gray bunny that we didn't even get to know had big ears like an Easter bunny, and my mom said he was a very happy rabbit, hopping around here and there! Very clever! However, he probably came with a small wound from the place where my father picked him up, and that was enough for the damn blowflies to land on him and lay their disgusting eggs. And so, the bunny lost his life in the 24-hour hospital!

I hate how in the world, people and animals have to suffer so much to die. I don't like the food chain; I find it cruel. Pain is such a horrible thing, and no one should go through it. It broke my heart even more when my sister said he suffered a lot because his scrotum had been almost completely eaten. For these and other reasons, I detest the world and how innocent creatures go through such tortures and pains like this. I will never accept it.

Well, only one bunny remains. We're going back soon; I hope we get the chance to meet this one :-( RIP little bunnies!

24/11 - Chapter 159: What could have been

Today, we didn't do much either. We went to an area that supposedly had a carousel, but to our disappointment, it didn't. Your dad and I bought a Belgian waffle with Nutella and ice cream, and it was delicious. You had cookies and parts of the chocolate-less waffle. After that, you played a lot in the playground and even danced, hahahahaa!

We saw a billboard with kids' characters and lights, and you were fascinated for a moment.

Later, we wanted to go to a nature lights show, but when your uncle was coming to visit you at your grandparents' house with your cousin Chloe, we were afraid of being late. We walked for almost an hour to get there, but before that, I took a break to buy spinach and cheese empanadas for you, and corn, bacon with cheese for myself. Delicious.

I was looking forward to seeing you play with Chloe away from her mom. Her mom was going to travel over the weekend, and your cousin would be alone with your uncle. I was sure the atmosphere would be different. However, when we arrived at your grandparents' house, your dad said that your uncle wouldn't come anymore, and Aunt Edith missed her flight because her sister had immigration issues. At first, I was upset because I thought it might be another excuse, and I also questioned why they couldn't come. But later, seeing how things turned out, I felt guilty for thinking that and sad for Edith and her sister. Her sister came from Peru, traveled for hours, had a layover in Amsterdam before flying to Madrid to meet her sister. But at the immigration in the Netherlands, they thought she wanted to live here, be a legal immigrant, and simply denied her entry. To make matters worse, she booked a hotel whose accommodation you pay upon arrival with your card, which is considered a red flag in immigration since you can cancel it; it might indicate that the person won't stay at the hotel. And to add to that, she didn't have a reasonable amount of money in her bank account to justify the trip here. So, she would sleep in a kind of airport detention and return to Peru tomorrow. I felt sorry for her and her sister. Can you imagine the despair?

Think about how many well-intentioned tourists immigration has unjustly deported and how many ill-intentioned tourists have slipped through. It's the same with the American visa. I've witnessed many people, even in the family, like your Aunt Daisy, trying to get a visa to enjoy a Disney vacation with her family, which I've seen approved, while I've seen it repeatedly denied. On the one hand, I understand because it's impossible to know who has good intentions or not. But there should be a much more thorough investigation, after all, you are playing with people's time and lives.

This sister of Edith just wanted to travel for a vacation, have fun, without harming anyone. She lost more than 30 hours traveling. Imagine the trauma she went through; I'm sure she won't travel anytime soon, especially not to Europe. Maybe she'll never come back to Europe... I wouldn't either.

Now, the American visa is a complicated thing; you can tell if the person has ties to Brazil, a job, assets in their name. So, I think they can do a better and more thorough job to prevent injustices and help their own country by preventing ill-intentioned people from entering.

Even my ex-boyfriend, Caique, in 2017, we really wanted to travel to Disney to celebrate my mom's birthday. The whole family was going, but he didn't have an American visa. He tried to get the visa, and we thought there wouldn't be any problem until everything went wrong. His visa was denied even though he had a job in Brazil, and the reason for the denial was apparently because he earned too little. For us, it was a huge blow, especially for him. I know that since then, our relationship has gone from bad to worse. I don't know if things would have been different if it had been approved. All I know is that we had good intentions; he just wanted to travel and spend time together in US and spend/give money to the U.S. They could have seen that he was employed with a signed work card and wouldn't be able to leave his job.

This is what the American consulate lacks, a better research on the people trying to get a visa, even if they earn a little money. Despite understanding this criterion, it doesn't work properly; if you approve the visa for everyone who has money, many people can put money into their bank account with ill intentions for the country anyway. Some people who can have their trips paid for by others, despite having little money, just want to travel. Like my ex-boyfriend's case.

All I know is that after we broke up in 2018, he tried to get the visa again, now with a better job earning more money, and then his visa was approved.

25/11 - Chapter 160: Lights from heaven

Today, as soon as I woke up, two friends of your dad came to visit us. A couple of friends, actually. We went upstairs and had breakfast together, and they were very pleasant. Both the guy and the girl were very nice. I liked them a lot. They were very gentle with you, always approaching slowly, respecting your space. It seemed like they knew you were like a little cat. But soon I had to leave with you because you started to get fussy, and obviously, you were tired and wanted to sleep. I took you to sleep, it took a little while, but you eventually fell asleep. I kept you company since you were in bed, and I didn't want to leave you alone for fear you might fall. When we woke up, they had both already left.

I was starving, but your dad had left the leftovers from the barbecue he made for me in the microwave. So, there was chistorra (which I love), sausage, and potatoes! You ate the potatoes with me, as babies can't eat cured meats.

After that, we received another visitor. This time it was a lady, a friend of your grandparents. Yes, another friend, hahaha. This friend didn't bring a present for you, but she did something nice too; she brought three different types of cakes to celebrate your birthday and Chloe's. She brought white hazelnut, walnut with other dried fruits, and Tiramisu cakes.

Later, your Uncle Benjamin and his family arrived, but I didn't know they were coming. I only found out when they arrived, which meant your Aunt Edith was also coming... As soon as your cousin arrived, you were already happy to welcome her, and several times during the time they were there, you gave her a kiss. This time, Edith didn't interfere at all. But there was an incident. When Chloe was playing with a stacking toy, we were all around her, and when she managed to stack the toy, we all applauded. Me, your dad, the grandparents, and the friend of your grandparents. Then, Edith came and said: "We don't clap for her"... Simply ruining the atmosphere for everyone and creating a super awkward environment. Everyone stopped and looked at her, waiting for an explanation. She continued: "The psychologist said it's not good; if you clap for a child when they succeed, later, the child will keep seeking approval in everything, expecting applause."

SO WHAT? What's the problem with the child succeeding, and adults recognizing it, encouraging them? On the contrary, I think when a child does something good, something smart, it's always good to acknowledge and show recognition. The child feels good, happy, feels like they did something right, even if they are so little. We know this because you are like that; when we started clapping for you, you began doing things, and whenever you do something right, you look back to see if we are applauding, sort of seeking that attention, that recognition. And we always clap; there's nothing wrong with that. It's nice to acknowledge when a child does something right, to give them an incentive to continue doing things the right way. Not recognizing it is like not seeing what the child is doing; it's like what they are doing is something ordinary, and it's not. Each thing a child learns to do is something that should be recognized; they are milestones. The child puts some effort into the things they do, so why not acknowledge it? In other words, I completely disagree with her and her psychologist. Besides, her psychologist can go to hell; she must be as unbearable or more than she is.

First of all, I find it a failure to have to hire someone to teach you how to raise YOUR child. You are the mother; you got pregnant. It's okay to listen to advice here and there, but taking 100% of what a person says, be it a family member or someone providing such a service, is absurd. You have to follow your mother's heart and do what you think is best for your child. It's crazy to need someone to tell you what to do with your child; honestly, I find it a sign of failure, not victory as she tries to portray.

And you know what? Even if she doesn't clap at home, people aren't like her; she can't have that general control outside her environment. They clapped here, BIG DEAL, let it go. That friend of your grandparents won't see the girls often, MOVE ON. Why put everyone in an unpleasant and embarrassing situation? Just plain rude. Relax and be happy, damn it!

Only this episode made me roll my eyes, my God, forgive me, but I can't stand her. To think that I really liked her the first time I came to Barcelona... But these things are very irritating; she's that typical first-time mom who is totally lost on how to be a mother, needs advice, and needs tutorials on how to raise a child. Then she got mad when we said that the little one has strict discipline. If this isn't strict, what is it?

The mother of the Koreans I babysat for even told me before I started working: "Here, we have very strict discipline. The children's education is well-regulated. They don't watch TV, don't eat too much chocolate. Their schedule during the week is full, full of activities..." And indeed, their education was strict, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, or something you have to take as offensive. Never. They are different ways of raising children. But she gets offended by something she perpetuates herself, so it doesn't make sense.

Anyway, we sat down to eat the cake; thankfully, no other incidents happened, and I was just anxious to leave and go to the light show scheduled for 8:00 PM. We left around 7:30 PM, waited for the bus for quite some time, and entered that light show. Before that, we waited in line for a bit, and there was a mother with two super cute children, one your age and the other a little older who was adorable. You arrived without socks, and she said not to worry about judgments, that children know how to regulate their body temperature. She was a super pleasant mother; look at the difference... A breathe of fresh air after Edith's episode... And when she asked your name, she praised it a lot and said your name was beautiful.

Something funny about your name, when people ask me, either they love it, and you can see it when the person praises and really opens a smile, or the person doesn't say anything. If the person doesn't say anything, it's because they really find your name ugly, but that's okay; your name is different, you can't please everyone. Even common names don't please everyone. For example, I don't like common names.

We entered the light show, and you enjoyed every second. It started with a star lantern in your hand, and you were super happy to have it. Then we walked for half an hour in that wonderful place that I call paradise. I believe that if there is a paradise, heaven, it must be like this. All starry, with a beautiful moon, pleasant melodies, and many lights like that. Everything that reminds me of a starry sky, I'm passionate about. It cost €16 for each of us, super well spent. Except for you, of course. Here are some photos of this wonderful event.

Marc was with us, and on the way back, we took the bus, and he went back separately. Your dad dropped us off at home and then went to buy empanadas for us. Believe it or not, you ate a whole spinach one, half of mine with corn, and you were still hungry. You ate very well. I was super proud.

After that, it took you a little while to fall asleep; you slept almost until one in the morning. But there was a very beautiful scene before you went to sleep: Your dad lay down with us, intending to help me get you to sleep. At one point, you started kissing him, and then you kissed me. You gave about 10 kisses to each of us, but one at a time. Babe, you're so affectionate! We were so happy. I think, in the one year and one month since you were born, this was the most rewarding and amazing moment. These moments are so special. Even though we're exhausted, tired from a busy day, taking care of a baby full day. At the end of the night, having had your kiss was something I can't explain. Our hearts beat strongly, and we fell even more in love with you. These moments between parents and children, even if we haven't captured them on camera for our home videos, are captured in our hearts. It's a memory we won't forget, even without footage. Thank you for your affection, my babe. We love you.

26/11 - Chapter 161: First science museum

Today your dad woke us up saying we had to leave in 20 minutes. Damn, I hate it when he does that. If you have a set time to leave, wake me up an hour before. Don't wake me up saying we have to leave in 20 minutes. How am I supposed to give you milk, feed you, change you, change myself, change your diaper, pack your bag, all in 20 minutes? But in the end, everything worked out. We didn't leave in 20 minutes, but we also didn't arrive late at the museum.

The museum is okay, I guess, but I'm not a big fan of museums, I'll be honest with you. Looking at dinosaur bones, paintings, that's not really my thing. There was a kind of science museum in Orlando when we went, now that I liked. It wasn't exactly a museum, more like an upside-down house with some science experiments, but it had fun things like entering a hurricane simulator—those are the things I enjoy. Now, museums, art exhibitions, not my cup of tea.

You did enjoy a thing or two and got distracted by some little things, but what you liked the most was a closed sewer with a tightly sealed lid that made a noise when you stepped on it. Believe it or not, you spent several minutes at various sewers trying to jump on them. The innocence of a child is adorable.

At the end of our tour, we went to the planetarium. The planetarium is my favorite place in the world. I've only been once in New York, but the planetarium show went by so quickly that it feels like I've never been there at all. After climbing several ramps, we arrived and found out it was closed. The show was scheduled for 6:00 PM. There was one at 11:00 AM that we missed, and another at 6:00 PM. But now it's 3:00 PM, and we're about to leave. We're not going to stay here for another 3 hours just for the planetarium. We have to pack our bags, get everything ready because tomorrow we're going to another country, another continent. Back to the damn Brazil. Our home.

The museum was quite far from home; we walked to the subway for about 30 minutes or more. You were asleep in the stroller, and before we entered the subway, we stopped at a restaurant with a menu that looked delicious. There was Mexican snack that we wanted to order, but it was unavailable. So, we ordered chili nuggets, chicken fingers with sweet chili sauce, and a burger each.

In the meantime, you woke up and then had chicken fingers with us, along with your grapes. Lately, you've been loving to eat grapes. But grapes need to be cut very well since the risk of choking is huge!

The chicken fingers were amazing, and the nuggets too. They didn't even seem like nuggets. I was a bit disappointed with the burger; I ordered a four-cheese one, and I think it was too much for me. One of the cheeses was very strong and ended up affecting my stomach.

After that, we took the subway for another 20 minutes, and before heading home, we stopped at an ice cream parlor, and that's when we finally went home.

27/11 - Chapter 162: Barotrauma auricular

Today is the goodbye day. And as usual, when you woke up, you asked for your 'mama' (milk), but your dad brought the milk practically cold, despite him saying it was warm. I got upset and went to make the milk again, and we kind of started arguing. I don't know why on earth he insists on giving you cold milk... you're used to warm milk, from my breasts (which were quite warm) to the bottle. The last time he made it cold, 150 ml, and you only drank 100... you don't like it! You take some because there's no other option, but it's clear that you love your milk warm! Enough with your grandmother saying every night that you don't need milk. I've already reduced your milk intake, but I won't stop it; there's no reason or medical need for that, and you love your milk. I'll gradually reduce and wean you off at my own pace, down to one a day. But not yet, you're still quite small.

Back to the story, I threw the milk away because your dad refused to give me the pan to heat it on the stove (preferring these pointless competitions, choosing that I throw the milk away and heat the water from scratch, instead of simply giving me the pan and letting me handle it in a few seconds, especially since your grandmother didn't have a microwave at home). So, I heated the water. You cried a bit because you had already seen the bottle, but then you drank all your milk! And I made more than your dad had made. Your dad sometimes... I'll tell you, it's not easy!

Then he got a bit mad at me but eventually got over it. We packed our bags and left the apartment around 3:30 in the afternoon. I thought it was cutting it close because the flight was at 6.

It doesn't have to be like your paternal grandparents who arrive 4 hours in advance, but arriving 1:30, 2 hours is also not very cool. Unexpected things happen... we saw that in Orlando. And there was a time when my parents almost missed the flight to Europe with my sister because they didn't have her RG (specific ID in Brazil) only her passport. It was so complicated to get her cleared (she was 17 at the time), and they were the last ones to board; the plane was waiting for them to close the doors. And they usually arrive at the airport well in advance. So, you have to consider unforeseen events.

But we arrived, and everything went well. Saying goodbye to one side of the family is always difficult for both parties, but I believe this trip was very beneficial for you to bond with your grandparents and vice versa. I know they fell even more in love with you here and are sad about your departure. And your dad too, which is totally understandable.

When it was time to pass the bags through the X-ray (the worst moment for me because you have to take out the computer - by the way, their technology needs improvement, right? In Texas, it was the only airport with new technology, and we didn't have to take out electronics), we placed you in a kind of playpen designed for babies/children. This was precisely so that we could put things on the conveyor belt and retrieve them more calmly, always keeping an eye on you. This playpen turned out to be great and really helped.

Afterwards, I stopped by the Duty-Free to get more Lindt chocolates for Christmas, Toblerone for your grandfather, and I found my Kinder Schoko Bon. It's one of my favorite chocolates and quite hard to find.

Then, I bought a waffle with a scoop of ice cream at Haagen Dazs, but it wasn't that wonderful. The waffle your dad and I had at the mall was much better.

Finally, we boarded. It's always great to travel with you by plane because we have priority, and we are the first to board. Another level, haha.

As soon as we sat down, we gave you your milk, and you fell asleep because it was already 6 PM, and you hadn't taken a nap yet, so you were very tired. However, the plane was delayed for over an hour, and we didn't take off until after 7 PM. Fortunately, the layover is 3/4 hours, or the same thing that happened in Orlando would have occurred again. I won't take any more layovers of 1/2 hours. I can't go through that ordeal again.

To our surprise, you slept not only during the hour we were stopped but almost the entire flight to Portugal. I actually had to wake you up so you wouldn't miss sleep on the next and final plane. I woke you up about 15 minutes before we landed.

I confess that I cried a little on this plane because I started to feel the dreaded ear pain that I used to experience when traveling by plane. It was unbearable for me; it felt like my eardrum was about to burst. The pain was much more intense during takeoff and landing, but it was a continuous pain throughout the entire flight, almost driving me crazy. Flying for me, besides the fear, was torture because of the excruciating pain. It was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life, if not the worst. Until one day, on a certain angel, a flight attendant, seeing me in tears even though I was already an adult, said that if I took a pain reliever 30 minutes before the plane took off, it would help a lot. And if it was a long flight, I would need to repeat it at least every 8 hours.

Her simple act saved my travels. Whenever I took pain relievers, I could still feel my ears clogging and a slight discomfort, but nothing compared to before. That flight attendant saved me, and this condition is called ear barotrauma.

Ear barotrauma refers to injuries or discomfort in the ear due to changes in atmospheric pressure. This often occurs during activities such as airplane flights, deep-sea diving, or traveling at high altitudes, like climbing a mountain. The middle ear typically maintains a balanced air pressure with the environment through the opening of the Eustachian tube, a canal connecting the middle ear to the back of the throat.

When abrupt changes in atmospheric pressure occur, such as during the takeoff or landing of an airplane, the rapid pressure change can result in a pressure difference between the middle ear and the environment. If the Eustachian tube cannot equalize this pressure quickly enough, ear discomfort or injury may occur. This is known as ear barotrauma.

Symptoms may include ear pain, a feeling of pressure, temporary hearing loss, and, in more severe cases, a ruptured eardrum. (Yes, a ruptured eardrum is possible, and I thought that was exactly what was going to happen to me given the intensity of the pain).

When I was in Hawaii in 2016, I felt this kind of pain after entering the sea. And now in Barcelona, when I climbed the mountain with your dad, I started feeling discomfort in my ear. I have this ear barotrauma, and it's terrible. Apparently, you don't have it since you don't complain about anything on the plane. Thank God.

But I will never forget that angel of a flight attendant.

Back to the story, I felt that damn pain again, and I don't know why the medication didn't help this time. There were a few times when, even after taking the medication, I felt some pain, but not this intense. I think I'll have to switch to a dosage of 1,000 mg instead of 500 mg. It's just that when I took 1,000 mg once, I felt really sick, vomited on the plane... But it's better to feel sick and vomit than to feel like your body is about to explode into pieces.

Not only is the ear pain terrible, but I also feel the pain throughout my jaw and throat. It's a pain that no one can touch you because it feels like the pain doubles if someone even brushes against you.

As soon as we reached a lower altitude, the pain stopped as if by magic. We landed in Lisbon and had to take the damn bus to the airport. Lisbon has this nonsense of using buses to take you from the plane to the airport and vice versa, a big mess if you want to know. And I also didn't like the airport. At least the international part had almost no food options. There was a cafeteria, a restaurant that was expensive and didn't seem tasty at all, and a place that sold some cold sandwiches. Terrible. No restaurant, no fast-food like McDonald's or Burger King to satisfy hunger. So, I decided to buy a chicken and curry pastry for myself, another chicken empanada, and a spinach empanada for you.

You simply loved the spinach empanada, didn't let it go for anything in the world. You really are my miniature, aren't you? The only vegetable I eat is spinach.

We spent a few hours at the airport until the time for our boarding came. I was happy when the man called us to board first because we were preferential, but soon came the disappointment in seeing that damn bus again. The only good part of being preferential was actually having a place to sit on the bus because the bus gradually filled up with all the people from the line, and when we got off to board the plane, we were practically the last ones to leave the bus... A nightmare. And it's worth noting that we spent about 20 minutes on the bus with the doors closed, waiting to board the plane. The Brazilians already started complaining and shouting at the driver.

But finally, we boarded; you stayed awake for a while, had dinner, but thankfully, you fell asleep quickly because it was a bit late in Barcelona (1 hour ahead of Portugal). And so, we temporarily bid farewell to Europe.

Now, regarding Brazil: the situation only gets worse. Flávio Dino, an avowed communist and the current Minister of Justice in Brazil, who has connections with criminals, was nominated to be a justice on Brazil's supreme court. If things were already bad, now they will only get worse. Brazil will be taken over by communists, and Alexandre de Moraes will be a small fish compared to this shark. The guy is terrible, and besides being a thief, he will further contribute to sinking something that is already so bad. It's sad to see evil always triumphing. There is no good news in this government. Tired. But I believe this is the final trigger for us to do what we need to do for over a year now: leave once and for all.

28/11 - Chapter 163: An unwaited reunion

The airplane food wasn't to my liking this time. I chose the chicken, but all I saw was rice and black beans, and the chicken barely made an appearance. Your dad's pasta, on the other hand, tasted better. Also, the flight attendants weren't as kind. There was a moment when we were trying to settle you into your seats, and one of the flight attendants was rushing us, didn't want to wait, you know? So, already stressed with the flight, I said: "Just a moment, please..." as if to say: can you have a little patience? We have a baby.

Despite getting a good amount of sleep, it was very uncomfortable. It wasn't like the first flight. At least, there was no one next to us; we got a row with only two seats. You kept moving around because you were so uncomfortable, and I couldn't find a good position. I felt like I didn't sleep at all to be honest. Terrible. Not to mention, it was colder inside the plane due to the air conditioning than the entire time we spent in Barcelona.

You woke up about 1:30 before landing. It was a bit challenging to entertain you without resorting to grabbing the laptop for cartoons (I was almost doing it), but we managed with some bread, food, the airplane's TV shows, and a few toys.

When we disembarked, immigration was crowded this time, even in the preferential line. I've never seen that airport so packed. I think about 4 or 5 flights arrived at the same time. Your grandparents arrived around 7 a.m. to pick us up, but we left at 8. The luggage took forever, and I thought they might have been lost. We couldn't find a cart because the airport was so crowded. We worked a miracle carrying everything, and we found a cart halfway through.

Your grandma was already waiting inside the airport and ran to hug and pick you up. You were happy. Later, you saw your grandpa, who was smoking outside, and you were happy to see him too.

We headed to my parents' house, not before encountering traffic. It took us over an hour to get there.

I took a nap for about two hours in the afternoon, and during that time, I missed the reunion between you and your cousin, who hadn't seen each other in a month. It was beautiful; I wish I had seen it. With him, I don't feel as apprehensive as I did with Chloe. A breath of fresh air.

You went to bed around 9 pm, which is good because, in our routine before going to Barcelona, you were going to sleep at 9:30, and I want to keep it that way. I went to bed at 10:30. I was very tired.

30-31/11 - Chapter 162: An unexpected fever

Today, you spent the whole day at your godmother's house to play with your little cousin, and your great-grandma went to help my sister with both of you. Meanwhile, your grandma and I went to doctors' appointments. I went to an ear, nose, and throat specialist to figure out why every time I lower my head, I feel a sensation of drowning, like water entering my nose. This started about 2 months ago, and it's quite bizarre. According to the doctor, I have rhinitis, and he thinks water is trapped in my nasal sinuses. So when I lower my head, the water moves, causing that drowning sensation. The doctor requested a face CT scan. I'll schedule it, and we'll see what's going on.

After the doctor's appointment, your grandmother and I stopped at a delicious bakery and had toast with butter, toast with Requeijão, and cheese bread with Nutella. Everythihg delicious. However, the cheese bread took a while to come, and we ended up a bit late for your grandmother's current doctor's appointment. She went to the dentist because she was experiencing severe tooth pain, and she needed a root canal. She spent more than an hour in the office. But since she kept me company earlier, it was now my turn, and I couldn't complain.

Finally, we stopped by Luciana's mother's house to pick up two packages that arrived from the USA for me. During this time, we called to check on how you were doing, and your great-grandma said you ate very well and were running around having a great time with your cousin.

However, when I arrived at your aunt's house, your dad was holding you, and he and your great-grandma mentioned that they thought you had a fever. When I picked you up, there was no doubt; you were burning up with a fever. There was no need to actually check the temperature.

I couldn't understand what was happening—how a child who woke up happy, energetic, ate well, and was happily running around just a little while ago could take a nap and wake up cranky, subdued, and with a fever? It didn't make sense. Even with a strong flu, symptoms usually progress gradually. With you, it didn't happen that way.

We checked your temperature, and it was 39.2ºC. We immediately gave you a fever reducer, and your godmother gave you a shower. After that, you improved a bit, but after drinking your milk and sleeping, you started to burn up with a fever again, 39.1ºC, and we had to give you a shower after 1 a.m. After taking another fever reducer, you slept well and woke up at 7 a.m. again with a fever. But this time, your sweet grandmother took you to her room to take care of you and administer medication.