03/10 - Chapter 120: Smash the Cake
Today was the long-awaited Smash the Cake session. It was me, you, and grandma. Dad couldn't make it because yesterday he accidentally broke your mercury thermometer, spilling all the little balls and mercury liquid on the floor, which is extremely dangerous. And since you're still in the phase of putting literally everything in your mouth, we need to be extra cautious. So, we begged Bete to come and do some cleaning today, and he stayed to help her.
In the meantime, we went to the studio to take photos. You fell asleep on the way, but you woke up as soon as we got there.
I chose the bee theme because your nickname/abbreviation of your name is Mel, and bees make honey. It doesn't make sense in English, but it does in Portuguese. Mel in English is honey, so it won't make much sense, but since you'll be speaking both languages, you'll understand.
During the photo session, you started off curious, but when you got a little piece of the cake, you grabbed the green frosting around it, and from then on, you only ate that part. There were also some edible little bees, and you had one and a piece of the big one. But you didn't really eat the cake itself. You didn't smash your face into it or make a mess. A bit disappointing considering the amount I paid, hahahahahaha.
You had more fun later during "bathtime" in the bathtub than with the cake. But still, it was worth every penny for those beautiful photos.
04-08/10 - Chapter 121: Daddy, the tattoo boy
The best highlights of the week because I couldn't write this week as I was working on an slideshow for the presentation at your birthday.
This week, we went to my friend Kedy's house to have pizza, and as always, you behaved very well..
Your dad did his first tattoo, and I'm so proud of him. I can't believe that just three months ago, I was trying to convince him in San Diego, and now he already has his first tattoo. I think this will be his vocation, and he will do well in the tattoo industry.
.jpeg)
And most importantly, last week, you took your first steps, but now you're taking several steps, actually walking. I believe that at your party, you'll be walking just fine.
Speaking of your party, some family members, as always, are saying they won't come... it's always like that, right? We spend a lot of money, and there are always a few who don't show up, but that's okay! Your party will be beautiful, wonderful, filled with love, and I'll record every second of it so that when you're older, you can see what you experienced and remember it fondly, just like my parents did with me and my sister. This week will be your first Children's Day. I hope it's a very exciting day with your cousin!
PS: You get more beautiful, adorable, and intelligent every day!
12/10 - Chapter 122: Candidiasis
Yesterday we went to the doctor and confirmed that you have child candidiasis, which has spread from the mouth to the vagina. It's a fungus, and the only way to improve it is by letting it be exposed to the air, meaning without diapers.
Today we woke up and tried to keep you without a diaper for as long as possible. You peed on the floor so many times and dirtied so many panties that I lost count. But, on the other hand, when you were about to poop, we noticed, ran, and put you on the toilet, and for the first time, you pooped in the toilet. Quite early, right? Hahaha.
And today, of course, is your first Children's Day. We went to celebrate at grandpa and grandma's house, along with your cousin, your aunts, and your great-grandparents.14/10 - Chapter 123: Karma is a b*tch!
Felipe Neto again. In the previous chapters, I mentioned him and my displeasure with him. He spent his entire career speaking ill and mocking people; that's how he built a career based on hatred. In the 2022 elections, he spent four years harassing people who voted for the opposing candidate. Pursued, insulted, pressured artists and many others to take a stance, and if they didn't, he called them fascists. Throughout the elections, he spread hatred and divided the population, pitting children against parents, mothers against daughters, and exacerbating an already complicated and ugly situation. He insulted everyone who thought differently from him, causing journalists to lose their jobs and companies opposing his candidate to fail, among many other terrible things.
Recently, he recorded a video claiming he lost many sponsorships due to his political stance, portraying himself as a Brazilian hero who sacrificed himself for democracy. And, as a result, he didn't have any new invitation for sponsorships.
It's worth noting that he is very wealthy and wouldn't need to do any more endorsements or support any brands given his fortune valued at over R$100 million. But when someone is rich, their goal is often just to get richer. That said, he complained about losing sponsorships, and shortly after that, BIS chocolate hired him as their new spokesperson. What he didn't expect, and neither did I to be honest, was the negative backlash. After his Bis commercial, the brand faced a consumer boycott. He had previously made distasteful remarks, calling people who voted for Bolsonaro (right wing candidate) Nazis, genocidal, and fascists. He insulted more than 58 million people who voted for the now former president. The reaction came, and karma came, and now he's experiencing some of what he did to so many others. The right-wing is significant, with over 58 million votes. And now millions of people are boycotting BIS chocolate because he's their spokesperson.
17/10 - Chapter 124: It's all in the eyes of the beholder
Today was a busy day. The day started very early, around 8:30 in the morning because we had a doctor's appointment at 9:30. Your cousin went as well in the same appointment but with my mom because your cousin got sick over the weekend as well. The big challenge was keeping you two apart because you two have different symptoms.
The doctor said it's not normal for you to have diarrhea for such a long time, so I would need to remove all milk's variant from your diet, including the milk you love so much. He mentioned that an alternative to the milk you're used to would be soy or almond milk, but we were afraid you wouldn't adapt or like any of these options. I believe you have candidiasis intestinal because you don't want to eat, have diarrhea, pale stools, and the fungus keeps returning, in your mouth and v-jay.
Your cousin had a fever and a sore throat. I hope you don't catch it because your party is on Friday. We bought the milk, and thankfully, you adapted to it and even liked it. Now the challenge will be removing all cow's milk-derived foods from your diet and keeping up with it, considering you don't want to eat anything at all. The past few weeks have been tough because you've been very picky with your food, hardly accepting anything.
Let's see if removing the milk and its derivatives improves your condition. It's only until the diarrhea stops, then everything will go back to normal.
In the evening, we went to your Uncle Junior's house to have pizza and celebrate his birthday. When we got there, Aunt Debora mentioned that we shouldn't let you and your cousin Rafinha kiss (just because you occasionally give each other a peck on the lips, the famous "peck"). I honestly don't see it as anything malicious; I believe that it's in the eyes of the beholder. I think it's just a display of love between you children, with hearts full of innocence, love, and purity. People tend to sexualize children. I like Debora, don't get me wrong, but some of her thoughts are quite outdated...
I find this childlike innocence and purity beautiful. It doesn't last long. So we have to cherish it while it's still there. I hope you and your cousin become great companions, like siblings.
In fact, this is a very controversial subject. Many people also criticize parents who kiss their children on the lips. I still see it as completely innocent and full of love. While I don't do this with my family, I don't judge others. I can only see love. People really should mind their own business...
19/10 - Chapter 125: One year of you
Today is your birthday. One year of life. Time doesn't pass quickly; it flies. In this one year, I've learned so much, and you've given me so much... It's been an incredible year of learning, companionship, laughter, tears, every kind of emotion you can imagine. You make my life more colorful; you are the reason for my existence.
In the afternoon, we took you to school as usual to celebrate with your dear friends and teachers. In the evening, your grandma brought a chocolate cake, and we celebrated with me, you, your dad, grandma, and your great-grandma Celeste. I also invited Marquinhos from the ninth floor. Marquinhos is a man with disabilities, 40 years old but with the mindset of a 10-year-old. His mother told me it happened because they took him out of her belly too late. It exceeded the time. But I felt in my heart that I should invite him because he is so affectionate with you. The day before, he even wrote a birthday letter for you. Remember, my daughter, do good without looking at who. I'm sure he had even more fun than you at the party. Of course, you had a little chocolate cake, not too much, as your stomach is still not feeling well from the diarrhea. We are taking care and looking out for you.20/10 - Chapter 125: Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo
And the most expected day arrived. Today was your first-year birthday party.
The day started very early for me. I woke up at 7:50 a.m. and I went far away to do my hair. Mommy is blonde again. Many people think I look prettier as a blonde, I like it too, but it's been a while. But for your birthday, I wanted a change, so I went to get my hair blonde. I got there at 9:30 and I left there almost at 4:00 p.m. It takes a lot of patience... It's super tiring. I rushed back to get back in time to change, put on makeup and head to your party. Your grandma picked you up, we changed quickly, and we left the house around 18:50 in the evening. However, at this time, traffic is tough. But we ended up arriving at 19:20. The goal was to get there at 19:30, so everything went well.
Well, "everything went well". When we arrived, we saw that the decoration truck was parked there and unloading the decoration, running late. Unacceptable. We arrived at 19:30 to take photos and videos (and the filming and photography were quite expensive). But the photographer couldn't take photos and videos with that truck in front without the buffet table ready. It started with the wrong foot and I started getting stressed already. It was almost 8 p.m. and believe it or not, the guys were still setting up the table. What made me even more nervous is that the guests started to arrive at 19:40... Why didn't people arrive at the scheduled time or a few minutes later? Ugh... So, seeing that we couldn't take photos or do the filming, and the table was still not ready, and seeing people arriving, I started to get anxious. It wasn't supposed to start like this...
By 8:00, I was supposed to be beautiful and radiant, already receiving guests at the door. But I didn't have that opportunity because I started taking photos and videos at the time the party began. Oh, my, oh, my... My sister's party went well, a simpler party but way more organized.
In the end, this stressed me out a lot. But I tried to overlook it, talked to the guests, saw you playing, played with some people and your cousin. And to make matters worse, on this day, you weren't very photogenic. You didn't want to stop for a second to take a photo or do some filming. I'm scared; I don't think there will be any good photos of you. You turned your head, cried, asked someone else to hold you. My goodness... The dream party turned into a nightmare for me; the fear that everything was going wrong, and I couldn't get back to my normal happiness.
What I can tell you is that everything went by very quickly. When I realized it, they were already calling me to change to sing your happy birthday. And everyone knows that after the happy birthday, everyone leaves. So, for me, the party lasted very, very quickly. I only managed to breathe easily around 9. And at 10:45, we were already going upstairs to change. We changed; I was Cinderella, your dad was the prince, and you were Cinderella's little princess. We went downstairs, and everything was beautiful. We watched your beautiful slideshow that I spent months making, and we sang happy birthday.
It gives you a feeling of spending so much money and enjoying so little time, but I think that happens to everyone. It's the feeling everyone has when they own their own party.
21/10 - Chapter 126: Let's unwrap
Today, I woke up excited to see your presents. The presents were with your grandma because their trunk was much bigger than mine. When I woke up, your dad had gone for the #tattooweek and was planning to go to my parents' house later. So, it was the two of us, along with your great-grandma Sonia who headed to Serra to finally open the party presents.
When we arrived, we had some party food and sweets from last night, and then we opened the presents. Apparently, there weren't as many gifts as I expected, considering there were more than 80 people. Still, I was quite excited. However, before opening the gifts, I noticed that most of them were clothing, with very few toys. The first toy we opened was from Mateus, a friend of Mommy and Daddy, and it was one of the only toys available. But guess what? It was a little table you already had. You received many clothes, especially dresses and swimwear. You got a few dolls, two fabric dolls, and a Baby Alive.
I recorded everything. The only ones I didn't film were the gifts from Great-Grandma Sonia and Aunt Rosane. I didn't record them because they hadn't given them yet. I was waiting to see what was missing, what you received the least of, so I could buy them. They ended up buying an interactive toy called Monte Sori for you from the United States, along with some shorts that you needed.
But the highlight of the evening was the little train that blows bubbles that your cousin got for Children's Day. He was scared of it, but you loved it and tried to catch the bubbles. Now we're going to buy one for you too.
At night, your dad hadn't arrived yet, and he was about to take an Uber to join us. But then I had an idea: he and I had never spent a night alone without you because until a few days ago, you were still breastfeeding. So, I asked my mom if she could take care of you until the next morning so that he and I could go back to our apartment. I would pick up the car and we could watch bachelor in paradise, have some wine, and rest a bit.
Since your great-grandma was there, they agreed to it because Rafinha was there. It would be a bit complicated otherwise, but with Sonia's help, everything worked out. Not to mention, you and your cousin had a blast spending the entire night together, taking baths in the bathtub... You two adore each other's company. Meanwhile, your dad and I spent our first night alone. It was my first night away from you, literally. We had never slept in different places. It was a bit challenging, but it was really nice to have some quality time with your dad, watch a show, have some wine, laugh, and talk. It's healthy.
24/10 - Chapter 127: Be mindful with titles
Your school scared the sh!t out of me. Today is the second-to-last day you'll be going to school before we travel to Barcelona for a month. I dropped you off at school and returned home to pack our bags and prepare everything we needed for our trip. In the afternoon, I received a message through the school's app (the school you attend communicates through an app where they provide daily updates on the child's/baby's activities, including what they ate, how many times they had diaper changes, if they had a bath, whether they accepted or rejected food, and if they accepted or refused milk, etc). The message had the title "INJURY."
You can imagine how my mother's heart felt when I read that. But I tried to calm myself down because my first thought before opening the message was that if you had seriously injured yourself, the school would have called me rather than writing it in the app. So I tried to calm down and opened the message.
The message explained that when the teacher closed the door, she accidentally caught one of your little foot, and you were in the infirmary with a minor scratch on it. After that, I felt more relieved. Accidents happen. When I was a babysitter in the United States, I looked after a five-year-old child, and I once accidentally closed her fingers in a door. I felt terrible. These things happen, and we need to have enough maturity to understand that accidents can occur.
After seeing your photos, I felt relieved and knew that you were okay, and I didn't need to rush to pick you up or provide immediate care. However, I was really startled by that title. They could have chosen a title that would be less alarming for mothers, thus avoiding potential heart attacks.
.jpeg)
.jpeg)
25/10 - Chapter 128: A nice surprise with TAP Portugal
Today was the day of our trip. I dropped you off at the school early so you could had lunch there (which you refused --'), and we picked you up a little earlier. This way, we had time to pack our bags and take care of everything that was still missing. Traveling with a baby is much more challenging; there are several things we can't forget, and we have to make a checklist. It's formula, pacifiers, bottles, changes of clothes, shampoo, soap, ointments, medicines, so many things... Even for just a few days, you end up taking the whole house with you, imagine for a month.
We encountered some traffic as we headed to the airport during rush hour, but everything worked out fine. TAP Portugal was nearly empty, and we got through quickly, especially because having a lap baby is a priority.
Oh, I'll be a little late, but it's no big deal, everything went well. I don't regret for a moment taking this flight, which was much later than your dad wanted. This flight would leave Brazil at 8:30 p.m, which means we'd be packing up at 7:30, which is already a bit early because you usually go to sleep between 9:30 and 10:30 p.m. Your dad wanted to take a direct flight at 6:30 p.m, imagine, we would board at 5:30 p.m, which is too early and too long to keep a one-year-old baby entertained on a plane. So, I preferred to have a quick layover in Portugal and travel at night. Your dad still can't understand it, but trust me, mommy does.
Your dad had spoken badly about TAP Portugal, but I think they've improved because I loved it. The flight attendants were very attentive and friendly. The flight was empty, but I know that's not something favorable to the company; it's something that happens with all airlines. They seated us in a row of four empty seats, so I could lie down, and you could sleep through the night, and your dad was much more comfortable too.
When I say I was impressed with them, it's because they were friendly, the food was muuuuuuuch better than American Airlines, there was extra legroom, and the seats reclined further.
You stayed awake for about 2 hours, and we kept you entertained with food and little toys. Dinner came, and you wanted the bread (my goodness, I've never met anyone in my life who loves bread as much as you. You'll eat any and every kind of bread, and you get so happy, your eyes even sparkle), and then you fell asleep. The entire trip.
Considering the flight was 9 and a half hours, and you stayed awake for 2 hours, you slept for 7 and a half hours, perfect! And I managed to get some rest too! 💟
26/10 - Chapter 129: Pastel de nata
You woke up almost just in time for landing in Portugal. Guess what you had for breakfast? That's right. Bread! Afterwards, we disembarked in Portugal and I finally tried the famous and original 'pastel de nata.' Tasty, but it's not one of my favorite desserts. I like the puff pastry, but not so much the custard inside; it reminds me of the 'sonho' from Brazil, which I also don't like. We spent a few hours at the Portugal airport, and you slept for about 1:30min on my lap. Shortly after, we boarded the plane and before taking off for Barcelona you woke up and we kept you entertained for 1:30 on the plane (shor trip). But it went smoothly with cartoons and some food we brought for you from the previous flight. You behaved well and were praised again. There hasn't been a flight so far where you weren't praised for how well-behaved you are. See, sweetheart? You make us proud. Shortly after, we landed in Barcelona, and your grandfather picked us up, and we went to your grandparents' house to rest. They were happy to see you, gave you kisses. But the culture is really different... Your crazy Brazilian grandparents run around like crazy at the airport to pick you up, fight to see who gets to hold you first, shout... hahahahahhahaa. Your paternal grandparents are much more composed/polite. And to my surprise, even though you slept so well on the plane and had a 5-hour time difference, you slept through the night very well. Are you just like mommy, not affected by jet lag and adapting to every place?
PS: Today is your godmother's birthday! Right around your own birthday. Fun fact: the expected due date for your birth was set to be on October 26, exactly the same day as your aunt Tayna's birthday. Besides her not wanting to share her birthday (not even with her niece), I also didn't want you to be born a Scorpio. Dealing with a Scorpio was already tough throughout my whole life, having grown up with my sister. Just imagine my daughter having the same personality and traits as her aunt? That would be too much for me... So, your beautiful mother scheduled your birth with 39 weeks (which is 100% legal) for you to be born as a lovely Libra. No comparison at all. Libra >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> everything > Scorpio.
27/10 - Chapter 130: Not a chameleon
Today, we stayed at home, we didn't go out, as we were still very tired from the trip, even though we slept well throughout the night.
Your father's friend, Marc, came to visit you today in the evening and brought you a gift, a Barney plush toy. Barney is a famous purple dinosaur in the U.S, although not as well-known in Brazil. I never had a Barney, but you seemed to love it.
However, around 9:00 PM, you started to cry and seemed quite tired. I put you to sleep and thought, 'Wow, her schedule is just like in Brazil (at least on the first night and wanting to sleep at 9:30 PM now), despite the significant time difference.' But little did we know, at 11:30 PM, you woke up, and it was quite a challenge to get you back to sleep. I think you might have thought it was a nap, I'm not sure.
In summary, you're not like me; you are indeed experiencing some jet lag, like your dad usually does, and it took us about 3 hours to get you back to sleep. You were happy, lively, and wanting to play. I guess it happens; not everyone is a chameleon like mommy in this regard. I just hope things improve in the next few days.
A bit about Marc that I know: he has been friends with your father since childhood, and they get along very well. They always have deep philosophical conversations and debates about everything. Your father once told me a story that, when he was a child.
Once, your dad told me a story from his childhood. Marc had invited daddy to come to his house, but for some reason he had a change of heart on the way there and when your dad arrived and rang the doorbell, Marc pretended not to be home, even though your dad could heard footsteps through the door and other noises. Your dad shouted: 'I can hear you,' but he continued to ignore him, hoping he would just leave.
LMAO.
Another story he shared with me is that once he was at Marc's house, he thought Marc got tired of his company. So, out of the blue, Marc took your dad's backpack, opened the apartment door, and placed the backpack outside. And when your dad confused went to get his backpack back, Marc closed the door and locked it so he couldn't go back in.
?????
They're still going strong tho.
You can confirm these stories with your dad later.
28/10 - Chapter 131: The battle of the earrings
Today we woke up a little late, but in the early afternoon, we napped together for about 2 hours. As I mentioned, you are clearly suffering from jet lag, and whenever I see an opportunity to sleep, I take it. So, since you wanted to sleep due to your jet lag, I obviously kept you company.
When I woke up, I noticed that you had taken off one of your gold earrings... What a frustration, the last thing I needed was for you to remove your earrings. Lately, you don't let me put on any headbands or hair clips anymore; you take EVERYTHING off. But, so far, you hadn't taken off the earring. Until today... The earring is as light as a feather, it doesn't hurt or bother you, but with your habit of poking your ear while sleeping, you found the earring interesting, and are now trying to remove it. I don't know what to do. If I take it off, the piercing may close. If I leave it, you might lose the expensive gold earring, and then it might close as well. Oh, Melanie, my daughter... I'll keep trying.
In the evening, another friend of your father, Ben, came to visit us. He's not very comfortable with babies/children. He wasn't sure how to interact with you. I find it amusing hahahahhaa. But people try and do their best.
Today, I spoke with your father, and I expressed my surprise that his brother and his wife haven't visited you yet, given that you're his blood niece. How different things are. My sister can be everything, but if the roles were reversed, my family would already be waiting at the airport, eager to meet the newest family member. They wouldn't wait a single day, let alone three. And still, no invitation or visit... He even agreed with me, but I don't like to talk too much about it, after all, it's his family, and nobody likes to hear criticism about their family, even when it's true.
I'm excited to meet your cousin Chloe, but at the same time, I'm a bit apprehensive. Her mother is one of those super modern moms who does everything her way and believes others are wrong. So, you know, everything is Montessori-style, no electronic toys, sugar is a demon that should never be used or will be used, and screens are absurd.
I find people like that tiresome because perfection doesn't exist. But let them believe it does. Anyway... I'm apprehensive precisely because of the different parenting methods, different ideals, and different thoughts. Chloe seems very polite and well-behaved. In contrast, you are lively, you don't sit still for a minute, and you're not very obedient. Don't get me wrong; I love your personality, your strong-willed nature, you know what you want even at such a young age. But next to Chloe, you're like a hurricane. Your paternal grandmother is more of Chloe's style, refined and well-behaved. After all, your grandmother was raised in a castle and was a duchess.
Can you understand the concern and fear of comparisons between you two?
And today, before going to sleep, you had a fever. 37.4. My goodness, this can't be happening again!
29/10 - Chapter 132: Another shot of fever
Today, your dad mentioned that you would finally get to meet your cousin Chloe. We were planning to go to the park later to meet her and her family. Before that, we walked around Barcelona quite a bit. You rode in the stroller, and at first, you cried a little because you hate being in the stroller, but you soon got used to it. As long as you didn't see me or your dad, you were fine.
We walked for about an hour until we found a playground. That's where we met your cousin Chloe later. However, earlier today, you had a fever of almost 38°. We informed them and made them aware that you were sick, in case they didn't want to meet today, we would completely understand. But they agreed nonetheless. Throughout the day, you were a bit down and not as lively, likely because of the fever.
When your cousin arrived, you played with her for a while and seemed happy (but I won't post photos and videos because her mom doesn't like it and doesn't allow sharing photos, not even on Instagram, imagine a very public place like a blog). However, after a while, you became moody, cried a lot, and wanted to go back home, especially after you wanted to play on a toy, and a girl who was a bit older - around 6 years old - wouldn't let you because "she was there first". She didn't want to share the toy with you, and you became really frustrated and upset. The girl's idiotic mother was right there on the bench and didn't say a word.
I have to tell you, these parents today are stupid. They don't say "no", they always want to cater to their children's wishes, they don't teach them to be polite and respectful or teach valuable lessons. If it were you doing that, and I saw it, I'd teach you right there that you need to share and that the park isn't just yours. It's not Melanie's park. It's a public park. Today's generation is lacking proper upbringing.
It was clear that your dad got upset with the girl; he's very protective of you, and he said there was space for both. Shortly after, the girl left and started playing with something else, and you clung to that toy as if you were its guardian. You didn't want to leave it for anything. When you want something, you're quite determined. But your mood had already soured, and you just kept crying, so we decided to head back.
So, that's what we did. And guess what? In the evening, you had a fever again.
I really can't believe we're going through all of this again... And on top of that, you keep taking off your earrings. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been very lucky that you haven't lost any of them so far.
30/10 - Chapter 133: The hardest day of my life - so far
I don't even know how to begin writing about this day, which I can say was the scariest and perhaps the worst day of my life so far. You weren't getting better, and you had a little fever during the day. After we gave you a bath, you seemed to improve a bit, and after taking the medicine, your fever went down. But I could still see that you were breathing a bit heavily. The doctors always say that when the belly or throat sinks, it's a sign of difficulty breathing, and when that happens, it's necessary to take the child to the hospital immediately. I sent a video to my mom and grandma, who had a lot of experience with my bronchitis, and they said you were breathing heavily and advised taking you to the hospital.
However, since your health insurance is from Brazil, it took some time for the approval to come through, and for them to provide the address of a hospital that accepts the plan. So we only managed to go in the late afternoon, not before your paternal grandparents said it was nonsense to go, that I was being exaggerated. Your father sided with them and said I was overreacting, claiming there was no need to go to the hospital. But as a mother, I felt it was necessary! I know you were active and playing, but your breathing wasn't good, and you had been unwell for a few days. Not to mention the mucus that had been with you for many months.
His parents even said that if we took you to the hospital in this condition, they would probably send us away because you had nothing wrong. And your brother's sister-in-law also said that your breathing had to be very bad for them to accept it at the hospital. What do you mean, "accept at the hospital"? A hospital should accept anyone seeking examination; it's not about simply rejecting someone and sending them home; that doesn't make any sense, at least not in my experience. I would take you to the hospital, and if they refused to examine you, I will e cause a scene, that's for sure. After all, what is the purpose of a hospital? I know it's for severe cases, but it's also when we have some kind of urgency and the doctors are not available for some reason, whether it's outside business hours, etc.
Anyway, they were trying to convince me in every way not to go to the hospital. They even suggested calling the wife of your father's other brother, who worked with neonates to give her opinion. But I wanted to go to the hospital; I felt very suffocated, in a very delicate situation being abroad with no one supporting me. It was a horrible feeling, and I told your father that. I'm not someone who handles confrontation well; I avoid it at all costs, especially in someone else's environment and place. But I stood my ground, and we did go to the hospital.
Your grandmother took us and dropped us off. It was a bit difficult to find where we had to be with you and to find the health insurance paperwork, but everything worked out for both of us, and we both would be seen by the doctors. I was also feeling unwell and experiencing the same symptoms as you. Fever and all the other symptoms. We definitely had the same virus.
When we arrived at the hospital, I saw that it was quite crowded. We quickly went through triage, but after that, it took a long time. The hospital wasn't divided into a pediatric section and an adult section; everything was mixed, which was a bit confusing for me because I had never seen it like that before. But it took a long time for them to call your name, about 1h30min. I honestly thought that when they called your name, you would be prescribed antibiotics and corticosteroids. My God, I was so wrong...
When the doctor called you, we told her about your breathing, fever, diarrhea, and all the other symptoms. She checked your temperature, and at that moment, you didn't have a fever, but when she checked your oxygen saturation, it was low, 89. Everyone knows that the ideal saturation level is above 95, and never below 90. As soon as she saw your saturation level, she said that you would probably need to be admitted to the hospital and that you either had bronchiolitis or pneumonia. At that moment, I was in shock and started crying a little right there. She said she needed to do an X-ray to check your condition better. Your father took you for the X-ray, and I went outside to call my mother. Your grandpa answered, and I was in tears, telling him that you would probably need to be admitted and that you had bronchiolitis or pneumonia. During this time, everything happened so quickly and so slowly at the same time. I was feeling very unwell even before going to the hospital, experiencing shortness of breath, and it only intensified after you were seen. But I didn't have the time or the state of mind to think about myself; I was only concerned about you. My number may have been called, and another patient may have taken my place because I didn't leave your side. During this time, my breathing got worse, worse and worse... And until the X-ray results came back, my head was spinning.
As soon as the X-ray results were available, the doctor said that it wasn't as bad as it initially appeared, but you did have bronchiolitis and needed to be admitted... That's when my world stopped. You were already very down, far from being okay.
I called my dad and cried, and he tried to calm me down but also seemed very worried. After all, we had a terrible experience with Rafinha last year, who went straight to the ICU with the same virus as you. We all know how much he suffered, and the fear of losing that child was immense... Now, imagine me? In the same situation, but in a different country, in hospitals I'm not familiar with, and far from your grandparents to comfort me.
It was terrible. It was a feeling I can't even describe. A feeling of desperation, abandonment, and loneliness... And I couldn't reach my mother because she was with a woman who was helping her trim the cats hair so she was not answering the phone. But I knew my dad would tell her ASAP and she would call me back.
I went back to check on you, to give you the oxygen, but you kept pulling the oxygen tube, and every time they put it back, you would scream and cry all over again. It was distressing to hear you cry so much...
.jpeg)
After that, we found out that the hospital we were in didn't have any available rooms. In other words, you couldn't be admitted there. You had to go to another hospital and be transported by ambulance. It seemed like nothing was going right. At that moment, for me, that was the worst news. I wanted you to stay in that hospital, receiving care and treatment. I didn't even think about transferring you to another hospital; for me, this hospital was just as good as any other. Then the problem was dealing with health insurance, checking if they covered the hospital they wanted to send you to. Your dad wanted to send you to the best hospital in Barcelona, just like your paternal grandparents. But I didn't know the origin of the hospital, it's distressing. And to top it off, this children's hospital considered the best in Barcelona is public. And considering I'm from Brazil, everything that's public is terrible there. In Brazil, we don't have anything public that's good, especially not hospitals, let alone a children greatest hospital. So I became even more desperate...
I cried like a child out there, far from you, of course. And even then, out there, I could hear your cries.
Well, in the meantime that passed so quickly and so slowly at the same time, they were giving you inhalation treatments with those little inhalers they use for asthma and bronchitis, oxygen, and trying to draw your blood. Drawing your blod was the worst part. I simply couldn't bear to watch. Your dad stayed with you, and again, I heard your screams from afar. In the meantime, I was sending voice messages and talking to friends and family, putting my ches out. It may not seem like it, but it comforted me at the time. It distracted me.
Every time I returned, your father told me to turn around and come back because he hadn't been able to find your vein. In other words, every cry you let out was because they were hurting you. They couldn't find your vein. My God, what a nightmare. It was affecting you too much and weighing on me as well.
I almost couldn't breathe. At that point, the doctor came to see me and listen to my lungs. He didn't ask many questions or want to talk; he seemed to be in a hurry. But just by listening to my lungs, he said I had bronchitis and prescribed antibiotics, corticosteroids, and an inhaler for asthma. I asked the hospital nurse for the inhaler because I couldn't breathe and I wouldn't have time to go to the pharmacy. I wouldn't leave your side. And if I couldn't go to the pharmacy to buy the inhaler, my lungs would probably close up. How can I take care of my baby if I'm falling apart too?
They gave me an inhaler, and as soon as I used it, I felt my lungs opening up; it was great, and I had better health to take care of you. But the inhaler effect didn't last long; shortly after, I started feeling short of breath again, I don't know if it was due to nervousness or because of the bronchitis itself.
After returning to the room about five times, they finally managed to draw your blood. But there were several doctors in the room trying to hold you down. I won't forget the sight of you wrapped in a white cloth, like a straitjacket; it was horrible.
After that, the ambulance paramedics arrived. There were so many of them... And guess what? They would have to pinch you again to find a vein in case you needed medication/IV at the hospital. So, the whole nightmare would start all over again.
Oh, my baby girl, you were suffering so much, and there was nothing I could do for you. Frustration, and a feeling of incompetence. I was still feeling very unwell, almost fainting, so I asked for help from the nurse. She sat me down immediately, and the doctor prescribed an inhalation treatment with medication for me.
After that, I improved significantly. I no longer had trouble breathing. However, every time I coughed, I felt like my lung was very fragile, and it hurt, and it seemed like it was going to burst with each cough.
After that, and after a few hours in the hospital, we finally managed to be transported to the second hospital. Now it's time for the ambulance. I decided to go with you, while your father went with your grandparents.
When they secured you in the ambulance, you were very frightened, like a kitten who had just lost its mother in the middle of a fire. You kept looking for me and calling out "mama," "mama." And you not only called but sometimes screamed "mama." This broke me into million pieces. I was right there by your side but it wasn't enough for you. You wanted me to lie down beside you, to hold onto my head, to grasp my ear, to feel protected in some way. As soon as you got into the ambulance, I climbed in right behind you, but you couldn't stop crying; you were very nervous. After a few minutes of riding in the ambulance, I leaned over you and started singing "you're my sunshine" in your ear. It was like magic; as soon as I leaned my head against yours and started singing, you stopped crying, and you calmed down. It was a wonderful feeling to know that my singing was making you feel better, calmer, and more serene. For me, it was very difficult because my breathing was still bad, and I was very sensitive. So, forcing myself and speaking was not easy, but I would do anything to make you feel better, to make you feel calmer. Anything!
You arrived at the second hospital already calmer, thanks to my singing to you. I would do it all over again if I had to, even if it meant losing my voice. Just knowing that the tone of my voice had comforted you gave me a sense of relief in my heart, as if I had alleviated some of your suffering that night.
Well, at the second hospital, you were placed in a much better room, and there were over five very caring nurses paying attention to you and taking care of you. They were all dressed in cute, animal-themed scrubs, and they were giving you a lot of attention. I could already feel the difference in the treatment, and I was starting to feel happy about switching hospitals.
You still wanted me to lie down with you. So, even with a lot of pain in my back, I sat in the chair and leaned my head with yours. You wouldn't let go of my head at all. As painful as it was, it was a very comforting and good feeling to be providing you with security and comfort. Your father and grandparents arrived shortly afterward and said that everything was sorted out with the hospital regarding the health insurance, etc. I didn't need to worry about anything. I felt relieved, one less thing to worry about.
After that, your grandparents stayed for a little while and then said their goodbyes. They told your father to go home and rest, and we would take turns in the following days. I refused. I told him he could go and rest, but I wouldn't take turns, and I wouldn't leave your side for a minute. Your dad also agreed and didn't want to leave your side. He asked the nurse if both of us could stay, and she said yes, but there was only one couch for one person to sleep on. We said we would manage, even if it meant sleeping on the floor. But it turned out we didn't need to because I slept in the bed with you, and he slept on the couch. We are quite small.
So, there we were, you, me, and daddy, waiting for you to be taken to the room upstairs and leave the ward, which was beginning to feel like a bedroom.
We stayed together as a family, suffering together, and healing together.
Shortly after, we went up to the room, and I called your maternal grandparents to calm them down because they were very nervous and worried. Your grandma said your grandpa already wanted to pack his bags and come to Barcelona to be with us. They were really concerned. But I told them that this hospital was much better, that you were stable, and that we would have more updates the next day. So, we managed to go to bed around 4:00 a.m. All of us.
But, you know, there's a lesson to be learned, my dear. Motherly instinct is a very powerful thing. If you feel you need to do something for your child, do it. Regardless of what others say or think. Follow your motherly instinct, follow your mother's heart. Your child might seem fine and not have anything apparently serious, but sometimes we need to pay attention to certain symptoms. And that's what I did. If I had listened to your father and your paternal grandparents, I don't know how the next day would have turned out. You could have ended up in a much worse state in the hospital. It's better to spend a few hours at the hospital and leave with some vitamins as a prescription than to risk the life of a child. Doesn't it seem like a small price to pay? A few hours in the hospital... Not a big deal! Think about the people who have lost children and live their entire lives without the loves of their lives.
I'll be back tomorrow with more updates. Take care, my love, you are my world! Without you, I am nothing.
31/10 - Chapter 134: Day by day
At night, as you can imagine, your father and I slept poorly, worried and always watching over you. We were monitoring the screen connected to you, which displayed your oxygen saturation and heart rate all the time. I slept cuddled up with you in the hospital bed, and your father on the couch.
I was surprised when we woke up around 10 a.m. with a visit from a nurse bringing your breakfast. Surprised because the doctors had hardly disturbed us during the night, allowing us to rest. Usually, they come in quite often, turn on the lights, administer medication. But none of that happened.
Shortly after, the pediatricians came to examine you and said that your oxygen levels were good, and in the afternoon they would reduce it a bit to see how your saturation would turn with just a little oxygen support. Good news, right? They also listened to your lungs and said you were stable and showing improvement that Tuesday. If it continued this way, they would probably discharge you on Wednesday or Thursday. In fact, being discharged from the hospital wasn't something I was even thinking about or concerned with; I just wanted you to be WELL and safe!
Around noon, your grandparents arrived with bread, some food, and treats because the hospital doesn't provide food for accompanying family members. They mentioned that this is normal in public hospitals, with meals only for the patient. Just like the bath towels, for example, it seems like you have to bring everything from home. Well, it's not a hotel right.
You received visits from charismatic and kind nurses who were true angels during the afternoon. I even remember one of their names, Marta. Her other partner was just as sweet, but I couldn't see her name on the tag. They performed nasal washes on you with such care and attention. They administered corticosteroids with a syringe through the side of your mouth, with a pacifier, all so gently. These nurses were born to care for children. They will make (if they aren't already) great mothers!
You were quite happy and active. It was a bit challenging to keep you in bed as you wanted to walk around, but you did a little bit even with the wires and everything. Just for a few minutes. But since you weren't feeling completely well yet, you seemed a bit tired, so it wasn't as difficult as it could have been. We distracted you with some toys and cartoons on my laptop, and later in the afternoon, we napped together for a few hours.
Afterward, you had a small lunch (not too much yet, but last night before bedtime, the nurse allowed you to have your milk, and you drank almost all of it, which made everyone happy). In the late afternoon, your father's friend, Marc, came to visit and brought you a Barney plush toy as a gift. Later in the evening, your grandparents returned, bringing chicken and a pepperoni pizza. I was really happy. Your father also bought me a delicious cold chocolate drink today, which brightened my day.
What concerned me was your saturation. As the night approached, your saturation dropped to 94-95, while before they reduced the oxygen, it was consistently between 97-100. When you were about to sleep, your oxygen levels fluctuated between 88-93. I was very worried. You were still receiving a bit of oxygen, and your saturation was that low? Imagine without oxygen support? When I informed the nurse, she said that if it consistently stayed around 88-89, she would increase the oxygen. But to be honest, no one seemed overly concerned about the saturation. I was frustrated. So I went to sleep again, exhausted but always keeping an eye on your monitors. We probably won't be discharged tomorrow since your saturation hasn't reached the desired level.
It's really hard to be away from my family. When Marc came to visit you, I felt a twinge of envy, not being able to have my friends and family here during this difficult and scary time for me. A time when I need comfort. Although today, seeing you better and more active, I felt much calmer. That dark thought left my mind. You probably know which one I'm referring to.
