06/05 Chapter 544: Running Fast Along The Sand
You are not going to believe what happened today…
I’ve been a little absent lately because ever since I finally got the keys to the apartment, life has turned into complete chaos. The renovation with Thiago—the contractor I hired after hearing so many recommendations about him around here—has officially started. So now it’s demolition here, demolition there, paying people to haul away debris, meeting with the carpenter to measure all the custom furniture, deciding whether we’ll replace every door or keep some of them, shopping for flooring with my parents, choosing wall finishes, taking care of you, working…
My life is absolute madness right now.
But the good kind of madness.
Today I was at the apartment waiting for the workers installing the safety screens on the balconies, so I had to stay there supervising the whole process. And while I was sitting on the dusty floor of our completely empty new home, I opened my email.
And my heart practically jumped out of my chest when I saw the subject line:
“Congratulations! DOL has approved your Labor Certification.”
There was NO way.
I genuinely thought it would still take at least another two months.
And the best part?
IT WAS APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I reread the email carefully about ten times because I couldn’t even process what I was seeing.
The first person I called was your dad. He was happy for me—for all of us, really—but of course he immediately told me to calm down because this was only one step of the process and there could still be surprises ahead and blah blah blah.
I know he worries about me getting my hopes crushed again because, when it comes to the United States, life has already disappointed me more than once. But this time… I really believe it’s going to work out.
Then I called my mother, who immediately panicked and thought I was about to move there right now—especially with the new apartment and all. I had to explain that no, it would still take time, I was just incredibly happy that this first major stage had finally been completed and that everything now felt more real. More concrete.
Like this is actually happening.
IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still can’t fully believe it.
My dream of living in the United States suddenly feels tangible now. Solid. Like something slowly moving forward instead of just a distant fantasy.
And for once, the news was good. Hopeful.
When I got home, I paid the remaining balance—the biggest payment yet—which was a little over seventeen thousand dollars. I also paid for premium processing, which was another little over one hundred dollars. With premium processing, you get a faster answer regarding whether your I-140 petition gets approved or not, which is another major step in the immigration process.
I had to decide and pay for the premium option that same day if I wanted it, so I barely had time to think.
But now that I’ve had a moment to breathe… I honestly don’t know if I made the right decision.
And not only because of the money—though yes, that too, because right now every cent matters with the apartment renovation happening at the same time—but because I’m suddenly terrified that the process might move too fast now.
I remember when Andreia Miel first recommended this company to me, it was because of a Brazilian man she met living legally in Orlando who also used BDV Solutions, and his entire process only took about a year and a half.
And the truth is… I don’t want ours to move that quickly anymore.
Not now.
I want at least ONE full year to enjoy our new apartment. We’re spending so much money, so much time, so much emotional energy building this home. I want to actually live in it for a while.
And honestly, I’m not psychologically or emotionally ready yet to move countries.
In my mind, I still had at least another three years before everything became real. But what if things suddenly start happening within months now? Especially applying with the Italian passport.
It would feel so fast. Too accelerated. Too rushed.
And rushed things usually end up messy.
Now I have to gather a mountain of documents and paperwork before the lawyer contacts me, and I find myself secretly hoping the process still takes somewhere between two and three years so we can truly enjoy our new home a little before starting an entirely new life somewhere else.
09/05 Chapter 545: Can't You See All We Can Become?
I forgot to finish telling you about my sister’s situation—the whole story about my father threatening to cut her off financially in an attempt to “save” her.
Well… unsurprisingly, it didn’t even last two full days. Actually, it lasted only one, which, honestly, was still longer than I expected. After everything, they all sat down and talked again, and somehow things settled down because my sister agreed to start taking the medication. And in the end, that was all my father really wanted but at least she finally agreed to do something he asked instead of him simply forgiving everything and going back to normal without any change whatsoever.
Now… whether she’ll actually take the medication correctly every single day? That’s another story entirely. Because consistency has never exactly been my sister’s strength. She literally got pregnant because she was taking birth control pills in the most careless way possible by taking two pills one day, forgetting the next three. Basically a perfect recipe for disaster.
So when it comes to medication and responsibility… let’s just say history doesn’t make any of us feel very optimistic.
My parents were always very soft when it came to parenting, especially my mom. But sometimes, if you truly want a better future for your child, you have to be firm about certain things, even when it hurts you too.
Take the whole situation of teaching you to sleep alone, for example. Those first two nights were absolute hell. The very first night was honestly one of the hardest nights of my life. Seeing you cry like that, feeling your disappointment in me, watching you not understand why things were suddenly different, it really broke my heart. But in the end, it took only TWO very difficult nights for us to gain peaceful, calm nights for the rest of our lives afterward. So yes, it was painful. For both of us, but it was a temporary sacrifice that ended up being worth it.
A lot of my friends told me they would never have the courage to do something like that. They said it was cruel, that they couldn’t handle hearing their child cry. And some of those same friends now have eleven-year-olds still sleeping in bed with them precisely because they never found the courage to go through that difficult phase. But then I wonder… doesn’t that become harmful too, eventually?
I think one of the hardest parts of motherhood is learning to think long-term. Sometimes love means enduring a painful present because you know it will create something healthier, calmer, and better for your child in the future.
Let’s take another example: taking away a child’s pacifier.
Of course it’s going to be awful at first. There will be difficult days, tears, frustration for both the child and the parents. But what’s the alternative? Let your child turn 7 years old still attached to a pacifier like I’ve seen happen with so many kids, simply because you didn’t want to deal with temporary suffering in the present?
At some point, the discomfort comes either way. Sooner or later. And honestly, I think the same logic applies to my sister.
Yes, the idea of cutting her off financially and forcing her to stand on her own sounds painful. Extremely painful. But what if that’s exactly what she needs in order to finally grow up?
To find a job that doesn’t involve working for her dad. To understand what it means to wake up early every day, follow schedules, answer to a boss, manage a smaller income responsibly, deal with real-life pressure and accountability. Maybe that’s the only thing that would force her to mature and finally become an adult. But do my parents actually have the strength to follow through with something like that? No. And unfortunately, they end up living with the consequences of that softness too.
People always say, “But your parents raised you the same way, and you didn’t turn out like that.” But that’s exactly the point: I am me, and she is her. Every child requires a different approach, and motherhood taught me that very quickly. Some children respond to punishment, others don’t. Some react better to being grounded, while for another child grounding changes absolutely nothing. There’s no universal manual for raising kids.
You learn through experience. Through observation. Through trial and error. Because even with the exact same upbringing, children are still completely different human beings, with different personalities, emotions, temperaments, fears, desires, and ways of processing the world. So as a parent, you eventually realize you cannot treat every child exactly the same. You have to learn how to speak to each one differently, guide each one differently, reach each one differently.
And honestly? I feel like I matured so much when I ended up alone in San Diego after my breakup with Caique. For the first time in my life, I was truly on my own. No one cooking for me. No one cleaning for me. No parents nearby to physically rescue me if something went wrong. And financially, I refused to ask my father for money because that adventure had been my choice, and I felt I had to deal with the consequences myself. That experience changed me tremendously.
I still remember the day the toilet overflowed and started flooding the apartment. I was completely desperate. But I had to handle it myself. There was no father coming to save me.
Honestly, all the situations I went through while living abroad could probably fill an entire book. But that’s not the point. The point is that Tayna needed a dose of real life too. She needed that painful injection of reality that, unfortunately, she has never truly received and probably never will.
Maybe, just maybe, life itself will force her to grow up someday when my parents are no longer here to protect her from every consequence. And God willing, that day is still very, very far away because I don’t want my parents’ absence to become the bitter lesson my sister finally needs in order to mature. That wouldn’t be fair to any of us.
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