01/10 Chapter 317: Letting it go
our dad finally came back from Barcelona, though I wasn’t home to see your reunion. I’d gone to a hair salon a bit far from home adding some blonde highlights for your upcoming birthday party. Last year, I waited until the day of the party to get my hair done, which was a mistake—I ended up stressed and rushing. This time, I planned it with more time, and it felt so much easier. Grandma took you to the apartment, and she said that while you were a bit shy at first, you gave him a hug after a moment. Unfortunately, she filmed the moment but accidentally recorded the floor, so I missed seeing it. It’s always nice to have him around, isn’t it? But now comes the hard part—facing the reality that we’re no longer together and navigating what comes next.
Deep down, you know, women are sentimental creatures, and I had a slight hope that after three weeks apart, he might have missed me too, not just you. But it was clear when he returned that his mind was fully made up about our separation. I’m not sure who he spoke to or what advice he received, but I felt a distinct difference in him.
Now it’s time to face this new reality. But watching a family unravel is a painful thing.
08/10 Chapter 318: Just when I'm almost letting it go
Last week, I received an invitation from your school for a parents' party at Adelina Buffet. Adelina is close to your grandparents' house, and I’d only been there once before, years ago, for a 15th birthday party with my ex-boyfriend Caique. The space is really cool, and what’s interesting is that this buffet was once a mansion, a real home where someone actually lived. Now it’s been turned into an event space.
I asked your dad if he wanted to go with me, and he was a bit hesitant, but eventually, he agreed. He reserved the tickets, which were free through the school’s website and only allowed two people, so we arranged for Pietra to watch you for the evening so we could go. Tayna and Rafinha arrived as well, so the four of you stayed together while we got ready for the party.
I chose an outfit that was somewhere between dressy and casual—a nice pink jumpsuit—because I wasn’t sure how people would be dressed, so I went with something in the middle. But when we got there, the air conditioning was so cold I was freezing little by little. Your dad was in pants and was already shivering, and I, with my bare legs, was feeling it even more.
At first, I didn’t feel the cold much, since I’m not usually sensitive to it—unless I’m trying to sleep. But that air conditioning just kept getting worse. The highlight of the night was making friends with Camila’s parents; Camila is your little friend from daycare. I know this because I’ve seen pictures of you two together, even one of you giving her a little kiss.
I recognized her dad from seeing him drop her off at school. They asked if they could sit at our table—maybe because they didn’t know anyone else, and there weren’t many seats left. We happily invited them to join us, and we all started chatting. It’s always great to chat with other parents of kids your age, sharing tips, stories, and advice. Camila is just two months younger than you.
Soon after, they started serving appetizers. I had a few little bites with cream cheese on top, but skipped the rest since they were raw meat and tuna, and I don’t eat those. Then the school’s presentation began, covering their bilingual program, the graduating elementary class trip to Miami, and other topics. It dragged on and started to feel monotonous, and I thought there might not be any more food. Just as I thought that, I noticed a server bringing out more trays, which lifted my spirits. But when they reached our table, they left just one tray for each couple, with six small snacks on each—so, three per person. Not a lot, especially considering how expensive this school is! And the snacks were good, really flavorful.
The event continued with more speeches and presentations until 9:30. Your dad was ready to leave, convinced there’d be no more food. I finally agreed since I was freezing, but I was really curious to see if they’d serve more. Later, when we chatted with Camila’s parents, they confirmed there was a dinner, and it must’ve been delicious since the buffet is so well-regarded. I didn’t even ask what was served to avoid feeling too disappointed about what we missed. If I find out there was dessert too, I’ll just have to laugh it off.
The funny thing is, they told us the dinner wasn’t served until 10:40. They couldn’t stay for it themselves since it was so late, and their babysitter was with Camila. So even if we had tried to hold out, your dad wouldn’t have waited that extra hour, maybe another half-hour at most. And with how cold it was, I don’t think I could’ve handled another hour anyway; by then, my legs were practically freezing.
In the end, we headed home, and you were still awake, which was a relief since I’d been worried about Pietra putting you to sleep. Even with your dad, you only sleep easily if it’s me, your grandma, or grandpa with you. So we ended up having something to eat at home, and honestly, it was refreshing just to get out for a bit. Your dad even mentioned that he enjoyed going out together, and I think that’s something we’ve really been missing. We’ve focused so much on being co-parents that we’ve lost touch with each other as a couple. Every time we do go out, which is rare, we actually enjoy each other’s company, have fun, and connect. But making time for ourselves as a couple has always been a struggle, not just after you were born. Even before, we often skipped outings because of tight finances. I really think that if we’d found a way to prioritize those moments, it would have eased some of the strain on our relationship.
Your dad liked Camila’s parents and suggested we invite them over for dinner sometime. It caught me off guard since he recently seemed so sure about wanting to separate. So why invite another couple over if he doesn’t plan on staying? Sometimes he seems like he doesn’t want to give up completely, after all he’s still at home. I also invited Camila’s family to your birthday party; it’ll be nice for you to have a friend you see every day at school to celebrate with you and join in the fun.
12/10 Chapter 319: Get me out of this loop
The days went by, and your father and I had a surprisingly good week together. We even watched some things together at night once you were asleep. But when the weekend came, and we went to your grandparents’ house, things quickly went off course.
I can’t even recall exactly what triggered the argument, but he suddenly stated he was completely certain about wanting a separation. So, in the heat of the moment, I told him to pack his things and leave as soon as we got back home. But I regretted saying that almost immediately, especially with your birthday coming up. I had put so much effort into making sure this would be a special day for you, and I wanted us both to be there to start the morning together and make you breakfast in bed. It’s your day, after all, and I can’t bear the thought of it being anything but special. This is the anniversary of when our world was blessed by your light, and it’s absolutely worth celebrating.
Afterward, when I asked him to stay just one more week, he accused me of messing with his feelings and said he didn’t even have enough money to leave. But how could he claim I was toying with him, knowing full well he was still in the house, making everything even more confusing? I mean, why would he be making plans with other couples—like when we met Camila’s parents at the school event? He even mentioned inviting them over for dinner sometime. How can he be thinking about hosting things together if he’s really decided to separate? This just makes it feel like he’s still unsure, like there’s a part of him that still wants us to be a family. And, honestly, that’s the part that really messes with someone’s emotions.
To really let it all out, I told him we should head down the ramp outside my parents' house. When we finally reached the bottom, I just erupted. I started shouting everything that had been choking me up inside. Tears poured down as I screamed, throwing my flip flop one way, the other flip flop another way, my glasses somewhere. I threw anything I could grab, needing to release all that rage and frustration somehow. And I’m not an aggressive person—I’d never hurt anyone. But on those rare occasions when my frustration peaks, I either throw things to the ground or even take it out on myself. But it’s rare… I think the only two people who’ve ever pushed me to that point are my sister and, now, your father.
When I broke down in tears, he came over and wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that for a few minutes—me sobbing, and him just holding me. Everything had been building up, pressure mounting, until it all came spilling out. I told him it felt like he’d been toying with my emotions—still hesitating to move in, talking about inviting Camila’s parents over for dinner, while never quite taking that step. He admitted he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to leave his own place yet; he was just seeing how things were going. He said the weekend had been tough for us, even though the week had gone well.
After crying and finding some comfort in his arms, we went back upstairs to my parents' place for a bit before heading home. It was my scheduled night to go live online, and he’d offered to help, even though I felt mentally exhausted and far from in the mood. Still, I had to keep my commitments. You were going to stay at your parents' house tonight while your dad helped me with the live stream.
As strange as it sounds, after all the tears and venting, things felt a bit calmer between us. Let’s see what this week has in store.
14/10 Chapter 320: Come light me up
Now, enough about stories just about me and your dad—let's talk about you! Let’s dive into some fun things about you.
This week, you’re totally obsessed with Stitch. One day, I put on a Stitch video on YouTube. At first, you weren’t interested and kept turning away, but once you gave it a chance—just like you do with food, where once you actually try something, you often end up liking it—you fell in love with Stitch. Lucky for you, I’d already bought some Stitch things: pajamas, onesies, shirts, even little shoes. Now, you only want to wear Stitch!
You've recently started wanting to pick out your own clothes and shoes, which was already giving me a bit of a headache. But now it’s all Stitch, all the time! And what surprised me most is that Stitch became the very first Disney movie you watched all the way through. We’d tried with other cartoons before, but you usually weren’t interested in sitting through them; you preferred YouTube musicals like Cocomelon, Bebe Finn, etc. But with Stitch, you sat down and watched the whole thing. I loved every moment—watching it snuggled up with you, laughing together. You kept grabbing my ears, which made us both giggle. I’ve always loved Lilo & Stitch, but unlike you, I’m more of a Lilo fan! Fun fact: Lilo & Stitch is the only movie I prefer in Brazilian Portuguese because Lilo’s voice is absolutely adorable in that version. In English, it just doesn’t have the same charm. It almost feels like she’s a different character entirely.
So right now, you’re all about Stitch and monkeys. When Marcela asked what she should get you for your birthday, I told her about your Stitch craze, and she said she’d get you a plush Stitch. I can’t wait to see your reaction!
And there’s another new favorite—believe it or not, it’s the color blue! But this one, I’m not sure is quite as healthy since you’ll insist on only sleeping with a blue pillowcase, a blue blanket, and wearing only blue clothes. And here’s the funny thing: the love for blue actually came before the love for Stitch, so maybe that’s why you’re drawn to him—because he’s blue (maybe?) Blue is also your dad and mine's favorite color, though mine is baby blue, the color of my 15th birthday dress and Cinderella’s dress, too. That’s my special blue.
You’re even reaching for random blue things, like a blue dough cutter from the kitchen, to take to bed with you.
You’ve become quite talkative lately, wanting to share everything, even though sometimes it’s hard for us to fully understand you. But you’re finding your voice and learning new words all the time. Soon, you’ll be stringing together more complete sentences. Watching you grow is such a joy—you’re the light of so many people’s lives, our daily happiness.
And I have to say, seeing you enjoy going to school again is such a relief, a joy that fills my heart. Watching you ask to go, getting pictures of you playing happily with your friends, just makes my heart swell with pride. I hope that when you move to a new school next year, you adapt just as quickly and love it just as much as this one.
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