01/10 Chapter 452 If Time Could Slow Down
October is here, and I have a feeling it’s going to be an emotional month.
The month I’ll finally stop wearing my surgical binder full-time — just a few hours a day now.
The month I’ll get those stubborn stitches removed.
The month I’ll try regression therapy, to see if there’s really something beyond this world.
The month your paternal grandparents will arrive.
The month of my sister’s birthday.
The month I’ll finally get to buy new clothes and wear them — with my new body.
And, last but most important of all, the month of your third birthday.
I can hardly believe you’re about to turn three. I’ve always said that time moves slowly between zero and ten — at least for those living through childhood. It drags a little from ten to twenty too. But once you hit your 20's, something shifts. The years seem to shrink in half, flying by so quickly it’s hard to believe they hold the same number of days as before. And yet, nothing compares to how fast time moves once you become a parent. These three years feel like just one.
I remember it all so vividly, my pregnancy, the constant fear of losing you, the day you were born, the moment I first saw your tiny face. And now here you are, this little girl who goes to the bathroom by herself, picks out her own clothes and shoes, tells me about her day at school, and makes me laugh with the funniest stories.
Every morning you wake up asking if today is the day of your party, and I tell you it’s almost here. But between you and me, I think I’m just as excited as you are. This celebration will be unforgettable. There was a time I wasn’t sure I’d be here for it, not after the scare I had with the surgery, but here I am, ready and so, so grateful.
I hope October treat us nice.
02/10 Chapter 453 Learning to lose
Yesterday we spent a little time at Noah and Sophia’s house. While you played with Sophia’s Barbies, I joined her, Noah, and Cheila for a card game — Uno.
Sophia won the first round fair and square, but Noah didn’t take it well. He got angry, started chasing her around, even tried to bite her. Then he sulked and said he’d only play again if she didn’t. And his mom agreed. Sophia didn’t seem to mind sitting out, but that's just plain wrong.
Children need to learn early that when you play a game, you have to accept both outcomes: sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. No one likes losing, but being a sore loser is far worse. I know he’s just a child, but if that kind of behavior isn’t corrected or explained, it only gets worse with time.
You’ve always been different. Your frustration usually comes from not being able to do something, rather than losing. Like when you can’t fit a puzzle piece just right, or when your block tower collapses, or when you try to put on your shoes and they won’t go on. Those are the things that upset you.
But we’ve played games together before and sometimes I won, sometimes your dad, and sometimes you. And every time, you were genuinely happy for whoever won.
Today I tried playing a Disney memory game with you. I took out several cards and left only a few — just the princesses — otherwise it would’ve been too many pieces, and memory games are already tricky enough on their own.
But every time you flipped the second card and it didn’t match, you got really upset and started to cry. I kept trying to explain that it was okay, that missing a pair was part of the game, that losing was normal.
I told you that in life, when we lose, we have two choices: we can keep trying, or we can give up and walk away. But crying doesn’t help. You were so frustrated that I decided to end the game and put it away.
Then you looked at me and said, with all the seriousness in the world, “This game is ugly. I don’t want to play anymore. It’s too hard.”
Oh, my sweet girl, every day you get a little smarter, and somehow even more adorable.
But losing is complicated. Still, I’ll try to guide you through it early on. In life, we’ll lose over and over again — in games and competitions, in challenges, in ideas, in debates, in friendships, in people. Losing is inevitable. What matters is learning how to handle it.
You can always choose to keep trying, which doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily succeed, but it teaches you persistence and resilience, or you can choose to walk away. And if you do, then let it go. Don’t dwell on it, don’t replay it in your head, don’t look back.
These days, I feel like people — especially the generations after mine — struggle so much with losing. It’s as if no one can accept not being the best anymore. Many games and competitions don’t even keep score now, just to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. But that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t hand out participation trophies.
Losing teaches you to be humble. It builds character, teaches patience, and makes victory — when it comes — so much sweeter. It’s through losing that we grow, that we learn to clap for others, to recognize that our value isn’t tied to winning.
And if I can help you understand that from a young age — that it’s okay to fall, okay to fail, okay to lose — then I’ll feel I’ve done something right as your mother. Because the strength to rise again is worth far more than the satisfaction of always winning.
03-05/10 Chapter 454 I thought I knew better
This week, you were clearly coming down with something — coughing, sneezing, looking tired. I called the physical therapist to do your ozone therapy, and on Thursday we went for your weekly injection.
Even though the needle is thin and the shot takes barely a second, taking you there always feels like torture. You suffer long before it even happens, and when it finally does, it’s chaos and not just for you, but for me, watching you in that state, and for the nurses trying to get it done.
Your dad complained that the last two times you ended up with two big bruises on your little bottom. I tried explaining it’s because you move around like the girl from The Exorcist, and it takes three of us to hold you still. Since you fight so hard, the nurse ends up giving the shot however she can, and that’s why it hurts so much. But in his mind, that explanation doesn’t make sense because he’s never there to see the whole nightmare unfold.
The truth is, I sympathize with you. I was exactly the same. I only started to get better after I turned twenty. When I was 15, I had to get a blood test, and my boyfriend at the time, Marcelo, went with me. I cried and screamed so much he didn’t know what to do with himself or where to hide from embarrassment. To this day, I cringe thinking about it. 15 years old and putting on a show like that, in front of my boyfriend.
And that wasn’t the only time. When I got my tetanus shot, also at 15, it hurt so much I called him crying, sobbing uncontrollably. At first, he picked up the phone sounding terrified, like he’d been caught cheating or something, and when I finally managed to say it was because of the shot, he burst out laughing. And honestly, he was right to laugh.
It’s one thing to cry like that as a baby or a little kid, maybe up to ten years old. But after that, unless you have an actual phobia — which I don’t — it’s just embarrassing. What I have is fear, discomfort, and a dash of panic.
I’ve always hated needles, ever since I was your age. The worst part isn’t even the needle itself, but the moments leading up to it, the anxiety, the dread, the feeling of helplessness that builds up before it happens. That’s what gets me. I used to get weekly injections for bronchitis every Tuesday, and I hated Tuesdays with all my heart. I cried every single time. So believe me, my love, I get it.
And yet, even though I understand, I still find myself trying to reason with you every time — explaining what will happen, promising it won’t hurt, and when you still panic, I lose my patience. Then the guilt hits me hard, because I know better. I was just like you. I end up feeling like a hypocrite, an impatient fool when what you really need is compassion. I need to do better. I want to do better.
Every week, whether it’s me or Grandma taking you, we bring a treat — a candy, a toy — something to reward you afterward. But your fear is so big that not even the promise of a new toy or chocolate helps calm you down. You only enjoy them afterward, once the storm has passed.
This time it was especially hard. I lost my temper and told you I was sad and disappointed, that you weren’t acting like a big girl. You cried even more. I’m sorry, my love. I’ll do better next time. I promise I’ll try harder to step into your little shoes, especially knowing I once stood in them myself. My mother, I remember, was always patient and kind. I want to be like her.
If I could, even tho I hate needles I swear I would change places with you, so you wouldn't go through that. Sigh... Maybe next week will be better.
Oh, and I decided to keep you home these last couple of days and skip school for the rest of the week. Next week will be Children’s Week, full of games and fun activities to celebrate October 12th. I want you healthy and happy for that, to enjoy every moment with your friends.
I can’t wait for your immune system to finally grow stronger so we can leave these awful injections behind. For now, you’re still catching colds often, but at least it’s not getting worse, and that’s already something to celebrate.
06-10/10 Chapter 455 We're on this earth to have some fun!
The school’s Children’s Week was absolutely magical.
On Monday, they had “Funny Family Day,” when the kids had to dress up as either mom or dad. Most of the girls went as their moms and most of the boys went as their dads. I honestly had no idea how to dress you up, especially after I saw Rafinha’s photo. He showed up in a full Hurley outfit, cap, and chain, looking more like his dad than his dad himself.
I thought and thought, and then decided to sacrifice one of my cheap pairs of glasses. I snapped one of the lenses out and put them on you. Then I added a cropped top and a skirt, the kind of outfit I wear sometimes and ta-da! You were a hit. Everyone said you looked exactly like me. Some of the teachers even said you were the kid who looked the MOST like their mom.
I had to laugh because, honestly, I don’t really see you resembling me or your dad. Maybe no mother or father truly does. I should probably ask other parents. To me, you just feel different. Yours. Unique. But here’s the result, judge for yourself:
Tuesday was Camping Day.
The teachers set up little tents and made a cozy circle spot for story time. They even made fruit skewers with marshmallows and created a fake campfire to make everything feel like a real campsite.
The teachers became actresses for a day, using puppets and creativity to perform. Afterwards, you all made crowns and magic wands.
Thursday was Arts Day!
Playdough made at school, squishy gel beads to feel with your hands, and clay modeling to get messy and creative.
And Friday ended the week with a golden bow: Old-School Games and Picnic Day.
Games from my childhood: sack races, hot potato, “barra manteiga,” charades, jump rope, and “Escravos de Jó.”
I'll explain briefly those games in case you never heard of (too young to remember this day)
• Sack Race (Corrida de Saco):
Children step into large sacks and hold them up around their waists. They have to hop to the finish line without falling. The first one to get there wins.
• Hot Potato (Batata Quente):
Kids sit in a circle and quickly pass an object (the “potato”) while music plays. When the music stops, whoever is holding the potato is out.
• “Barra Manteiga”:
Two teams stand in a line, facing each other from a good distance away, each player with one arm stretched out.
One player from Team A runs toward Team B and taps the hand of any player they choose.
As soon as they tap someone’s hand, they must run back to their original team’s line before the chosen player catches them.
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If the runner is caught before reaching their team’s line, they are “captured” and must switch teams.
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If they make it back safely, it becomes the turn of the player who was tapped to choose someone from the other team to tap next.
The game continues back and forth, with players switching teams depending on who gets caught.
• Charades (Mímica):
A player silently acts out a word, movie, animal, or character using only gestures, while the others try to guess what it is.
• Jump Rope (Pular Corda):
One or more children jump over a swinging rope (held at each end or jumped individually), often to the rhythm of a song.
• “Escravos de Jó”:
Kids sit in a circle with small objects in hand (like toys or stones) and pass them to the next person in rhythm with a traditional song. The challenge is to stay in sync with the music without messing up the timing.
Now we just wait for Sunday—Children’s Day—when gifts arrive and fun with your cousin begins.
Being a child is wonderful. I miss it. ✨
12/10 Chapter 456 There's magic in the air
And then, the long-awaited Children’s Day finally arrived.
Technically, we only managed to give you the presents later in the evening, because Tayna spent the whole day at the hospital with Aquiles. My German Shepherd is getting so old… and I know his time with us is running out. :(
He had to go through another surgery to remove fabric he had eaten—again. But this time, being older, the surgery left him very weak. He can’t walk anymore. When he pees or poops, it ends up all over him, and my sister has to bathe him every time.
There’s something important you need to know about my sister: she truly loves animals. She even tried being vegetarian once. At one point, she seriously considered studying veterinary medicine, and honestly, it would’ve been perfect for her. She’s naturally gifted at caring for others, she’s patient, nurturing… it’s who she is. But her ambition pushed her toward another path. In a way, it feels like a wasted calling.
Since she and Rafael could only make it later at night, we waited for them so we could all open the gifts together.
Rafinha got the talking Bluey doll, a musical and activity book—also from Bluey—and a plush shark.
You, on the other hand, received a unicorn you can “walk” with a leash, and it even came with a matching unicorn costume for you to wear. You were instantly in love.
You also got makeup and nail polish from Great-grandma Sônia, and a Frozen microphone—which, of course, you adored.
Of course, there were a few little squabbles here and there—mostly because Rafinha has been wanting absolutely everything that belongs to you lately. Yes, even your Frozen dress… and your makeup. (Which, honestly, was hilarious.)
But this time, you didn’t even care about his things. You were completely in love with your own gifts. And next week, you’ll be getting even more, when your long-awaited birthday finally arrives. <3
Watching how happy you both were made me miss being a child all over again.
14/10 Chapter 458 Reality runs up your spine
Today, you gave mommy quite a scare. What was supposed to be just another ordinary day ended up taking both me and grandma by surprise.
Since you didn’t go to school because we were afraid you might catch something right before our trip to the beach and especially before your birthday, you stayed home with me all day, playing and laughing. In the evening, just before I went to pick Rafinha up from school, grandma stopped by to give you a kiss and chat with me for a bit.
Just as grandma was about to leave, you were in a playful mood, all giggles and silly faces, and ran into my bedroom, then locked the door behind you. At first, I didn’t worry; you do that often. But usually, you lock yourself in the bathroom, and the bathroom lock is different. That one is built-in and you already know how to open it. My bedroom, though, has a regular key—the kind you insert and remove. So when you turned it, the key slipped out of your little hands, and after that, you couldn’t figure out how to put it back in the right position.
At first, I used my “serious mom voice”:
“Melanie, unlock the door.”
You tried—as you always do—but that’s exactly when the key fell. After that, no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t get it back in.
Grandma, who was already halfway out the door, rushed back.
I was already getting anxious, and I repeated more firmly without fully realizing that this lock wasn’t like the one you were used to:
“Melanie, open the door!”
And that’s when reality was running up our spine, realizing that you were really locked in there. Panic washed over the whole house. Me, your grandmother… and then you. You understood you were stuck, and fear quickly took over.
You started to cry, and there wasn’t much we could do except call a locksmith or the fire department. Breaking the door down wasn’t an option, since you were right behind it.
We tried to calm you and teach you how to put the key back in. You tried over and over, poor thing, your hands shaking. Every time I gave you instructions, you’d cry and say, in between sobs,
“Okay,” and then try again. You were such a little lady about it. If it were Rafinha in your place, he’d probably be screaming and throwing himself on the floor. But you were honestly trying to solve the problem, to get yourself out. And even though I was terrified, a part of me—irrational and panicked—wanted to scold you for locking the door in the first place.
Then grandma had the idea to call the building manager, who happens to be our next-door neighbor. He came over with a set of keys. The first one didn’t work, but the second did because our doors are the same model as his. And just like that, you were free.
In that moment, I didn’t know whether to give you a light scolding or to pull you into my arms. I ended up doing both, I spoke to you firmly, then hugged you and soothed you. Grandma hugged you too, but had to rush out immediately afterward because all of this had delayed her from picking up your cousin from school.
Once again, the building manager saved us.
Now I’m certain you’ll never lock a door again.
Sometimes we really do have to learn from our mistakes. Sometimes we need to experience a scary situation to understand why we shouldn’t repeat it.
But after everything, I showed you how to insert the key properly, how to lock and unlock the door. I’ll keep teaching you every day, even though I’m now keeping the key safely hidden in my wardrobe. I still want you to know what to do if this ever happens again in someone else’s house or anywhere else.
What hurts the most is knowing we had already removed the keys from almost every room in the house, except from my bedroom, because you had never locked that one before. But there’s a first time for everything. Lesson learned… for both of us.
15/10 Chapter 459 So here I am all alone
The day finally arrived—you were going to the beach with your dad and your paternal grandparents. They showed up at our apartment around 10:45 in the morning, just as my mom was on her way to pick me up for my doctor’s appointment to finally get the stitches from my surgery removed.
And then something unexpected happened. I asked you to give them a hug when they walked in—half expecting you to hide behind me like you usually do. But you didn’t. You walked right up to them, offered a hug, and even kissed them. After so many months without seeing them, you welcomed them so sweetly. It caught me by surprise in the best possible way.
I hugged them too, and they brought gifts for everyone in the family. For you, they chose the most adorable dresses—just right for your current “I only wear dresses” phase.
You played and interacted with them a little, until my mom arrived. Your grandparents went down to the garage to greet her before leaving.
We talked for a moment in the garage, and I handed your father the car keys. Otherwise, you’d have gone by bus—and besides the fact that buses don’t have proper car seats for children, the trip would’ve taken much longer. It meant I’d be without the car for a few days and would have to figure things out on my own, but your safety comes first. Always.
I hugged you so, so tight, kissed you over and over, and almost cried. It would be the longest stretch of days without you by my side, and my mind instantly began doing what every parent’s mind does—running through every worst-case scenario in the name of keeping you safe. But I knew I had to breathe deeply, step back from the fear, and choose to think good thoughts instead.
After you left, we headed to the doctor’s office to finally get the stitches from my belly removed. The whole thing was surprisingly quick, and the scar already looked better than I expected. The doctor even complimented my body—along with a few of the women there. Now it’s just a matter of time to see how the scar will settle.
I’ll try to make the most of this time—get some work done, maybe watch a few movies and series. But I already know I’ll glance to my side and feel the emptiness. It’s going to be so strange without you here.
The house will feel… quiet. Too quiet.
17/10 Chapter 460 Though we're far apart, you're always in my heart
On the 15th and 16th, you were perfectly fine. Your dad only called me once, briefly, and I understood why. First, so you wouldn’t see me and start asking for me. And second, because they want to enjoy the trip with you, and I need to be strong and not keep interrupting.
Later that afternoon, he called again and showed you wearing just the bikini bottom, running around the beach, jumping from side to side, having the time of your life. He and your grandparents buried your legs in the sand and shaped them into a mermaid tail, beautiful and glittering in your little world. I don’t even need to say how much you loved it, right? Lately, all you talk about are princesses and mermaids.
Today marks two days without you, and I miss you so much it almost hurts. Your dad only called tonight. We didn’t talk for long, but the moment you heard my voice, your eyes filled with tears, your lips puckered, and you whispered that you wanted Mommy. I had to hold myself back from crying with you… You miss me, and I’m here missing you just the same, maybe even more.
Tonight, more than ever, I know that even when we’re apart, we still carry each other in our hearts and in every thought.
Your dad ended the call quickly, but I still heard him gently explaining that in just a day and a half, you’d be back with Mommy again.
Soon, we’ll be together. And the day after you return, it’ll finally be the big day, your long-awaited, dream-come-true party. I can’t wait.
Come back soon, my little girl. Mommy is counting the seconds.
18/10 Chapter 461 Back where you belong
Today was the day you finally came back to me. I’d been anxious all day, counting the hours.
In the morning, I went to the hairdresser — the only one who actually knows how to curl my hair so it lasts the entire day. She’s expensive, but worth it. Luckily, today was quick since she didn’t have to dye it, just curl. Still, I left with my hair full of pins, which meant I’d have to sleep with them, which is super uncomfortable, and take them out right before the party.
Before getting there, I realized I didn’t have my car. I’d forgotten I’d lent it to your dad. So I had to take an Uber, which I hate. I mean, if you think about it, an Uber is just a paid ride from a stranger and ever since I was a kid, I’ve been told how dangerous that is. Everyone still says so. The only difference is that now you’re paying for it instead of someone doing you a favor. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re getting into a stranger’s car, having no idea who they really are or what kind of person they might be. So yeah, I took my pepper spray and my little knife, sharp enough to make me feel safer. Being a woman, you can never be too careful.
In the end, the driver turned out to be nice. We chatted a bit, somehow we got to talking about my first boyfriend and the kind of music he liked, which happened to match the driver’s taste. It started when he asked what I wanted to listen to and I said I didn’t mind, that I was pretty eclectic.
Then the conversation shifted to how different the world feels now. I mentioned that my first boyfriend is gay now — or maybe bi, I’m not sure — and he said that finding good women these days is hard too, that the good ones are already married, or crazy, or single moms. I laughed. Little did he know, I’m a single mom myself.
Anyway, once my hair was done, I went back home. The hours dragged. My mom came over in the late afternoon — she wanted to be here when you arrived, to give you a kiss too. But you didn’t get here until around 7:30 p.m.
When your dad called to say he was pulling into the garage, it felt like forever before he actually came up. My mom couldn’t stand waiting any longer — she missed you too much — so she went downstairs to meet you. But I stayed upstairs. My hair was all pinned up and awful because of the hairstyle for tomorrow’s party, and there was no way I was getting in the elevator looking like that. So I waited a little longer.
And when those endless minutes finally passed and you stepped out of the elevator, I was already waiting by the door, unable to contain myself. The moment I saw you, I screamed, kissed you, threw my arms around you. We hugged and kissed over and over again, until our hearts felt like one—beating in perfect sync.
Our happiness was written all over our faces when we finally saw each other again.
After that, we played for a while. Your dad and grandma left, and to my surprise, you soon fell asleep. I thought it would take longer, I assumed you had napped in the car on the way back from the trip, though I didn’t even ask your dad about it.
Later, he texted me saying how happy he was to see us reunited. I was glad too — glad he could see how beautiful that moment was. And to think, it had only been two days apart.
Now, my little angel, tomorrow is your big day. I let you fall asleep before midnight because you’re still too young to understand that your birthday technically begins only after the clock strikes twelve, and besides, you needed the rest. Still, in my family, it’s always been a tradition to celebrate as soon as the clock turns, to start the birthday with laughter and joy right at midnight. You’ll have plenty of time to celebrate that way someday. For now, sleep well and gather your energy for your beautiful party tomorrow.
19/10 Chapter 462 Let it go, let it go 🎶
I’ll break your birthday into three parts.
Part One:
Yesterday, your dad said he felt sad that he wouldn’t be here at midnight to wish you happy birthday. I told him not to worry, that I wasn’t planning to wait until midnight this time anyway. Your party would be during the day, and you needed to rest. So we agreed that after his morning run, he’d come straight here, try to pick up some balloons, and make pancakes for you.
Around 9:30, he woke me up and said everything was ready. I hadn’t even heard him arrive. He had done it all quietly slipped in, cooked, set everything up. When I came out of the bedroom, there were stuffed animals with balloons beside them, and on the table, pancakes, cheese bread, and a little cupcake with a candle. It was so sweet. Then we went to wake you up.
We woke you up gently, and the moment I kissed you, your eyes opened with that bright, happy spark. The very first thing you said was, “Is Elsa here?” The night before, we’d talked so much about how the next day would be your birthday, your party, and how Elsa and Anna would show up to celebrate with you. So you jumped out of bed, excited and full of joy, asking about Elsa and your dad and I couldn’t help but smile.
You woke up in such a good mood, and that made us happy too. On your way to the table, you noticed your stuffed animals and the balloons, your little face lighting up with excitement. You were so thrilled that you barely ate anything, but we sang happy birthday together, and I have to admit that it was one of those simple, perfect family moments.
After that, you kept running around, playing, and laughing with your balloon. Your birthday had already started off beautifully.
Then your dad went to get dressed, and we did the same. It doesn’t seem like much, but it actually takes quite a while — first getting you ready, then myself. You were faster, of course. I put on your first Frozen dress, did your hair the best I could (I’m terrible at it), and slipped on your shoes. Just like that, you were ready.
I, on the other hand, took a bit longer. I had bought a black dress that hugged my new body perfectly, giving me a beautiful shape. I loved how it looked on me. Then I took out the hairpins, letting my curls fall loose. I didn’t think they’d get that curly, but they did, even more than I wanted. I tried to loosen them a bit with my fingers, but it was pointless. I don’t like them so curly, but oh well, there was no time to fix it.
I put on some makeup, but just a touch of eyeliner, powder, and foundation (I’m not really into makeup), sprayed on some perfume, added earrings, shoes, and voilà. Ready. I packed your little bag with your dress for the birthday song, the anti-choking device (in case you or anyone at the party needed it), and a few other things.
And, of course, I forgot the products for my friends/clients (about six of them) who’d be at the party. Typical me. I always forget something, and it’s only getting worse. In the car, I realized I’d also forgotten deodorant, so I called my mom in a panic, begging her not to forget hers. Deodorant is non-negotiable, even if I still smelled fine, I knew I’d need it later at the party.
Part Two:
It was just you and me at first. Your dad had gone home to get changed and would come later by Uber with his parents. We got there about half an hour early. The woman I’d hired for face painting and balloon art was already setting up, the Elsa and Anna actresses were hidden in the bathroom getting ready, and the bounce house I’d rented had just arrived. Everything was going perfectly so far.
You were mesmerized by the Frozen-themed table and decorations, and soon started to relax and play, beginning with the slide. You refused to climb up to the top part of the inflatable, and I tried a few times to encourage you, but it didn’t work.
Your dad and grandparents arrived soon after, and we took a few photos with them by the decorated table before the guests showed up. It took some effort, though, you didn’t really want to take pictures with them. This whole adjustment phase has been tough…
Soon after, my sister’s family arrived, followed by Aunt Rosane, Meminha, and Great-Grandma. And finally, my parents.
But by then, it was almost 1 p.m., and not a single one of your school friends had shown up yet, which started to make me anxious, because out of the ten kids in your class, nine had confirmed.
Most people only started arriving after 1 p.m., and that made me nervous. The party was only four hours long — such an expensive event for just four hours — and when guests arrive an hour or more late, they barely get to enjoy it. Think about it: the party starts at 12:30 p.m. and ends at 4:30 p.m., but the birthday song usually happens around 3:30 p.m. After that, most people leave, so in reality, it’s more like three and a half hours. If someone shows up an hour and a half late, you’re basically paying for them to stay only an hour and a half at your party!
I noticed this difference because your first two birthdays were evening parties, and almost everyone arrived on time. But with a daytime party, I realized delays are practically guaranteed. I don’t think I’d do it again. If I can, I’ll go back to evening celebrations next year.
The first to arrive from your class, besides your cousin, was Caio. Then the others began to show up, and the party started to fill up. The last one to arrive was Miguel, whose mother went to elementary school with me. She showed up close to 2:30 p.m., which was a pity, it meant they’d only get to stay for about an hour, maybe an hour and a half at most.
But eventually, I started to relax as I watched all the kids having fun and playing together. At first, no one was on the bounce house, and I thought I’d wasted money on it, but soon enough, it was full of kids laughing and jumping around. Definitely a good investment after all.
Early in the party, you wanted to get your face painted. I hesitated for a second, but the artist painted a beautiful Frozen-inspired princess design, and you looked absolutely perfect, it matched your outfit so well. One by one, all the kids joined in, asking for butterflies, animals, and all sorts of things. Your cousin chose a crocodile, then changed his mind and asked for a tiger, then decided he didn’t want anything at all and demanded that she wipe it off. Oh, your cousin…
Watching you run from one friend to another, laughing and enjoying every second of your party, filled me with joy. And then, suddenly, there you were, climbing up the inflatable slide you had refused to go on before, this time with your friends, so fast I couldn’t even stop you. You looked so proud of yourself, so happy to have conquered it, making your way up to the top all by yourself. My heart swelled with happiness.
But the most anticipated moment of all was still to come: the surprise visit from Elsa and Anna. Well, not exactly a surprise, since you already knew about it, but you were having so much fun that you had practically forgotten.
When the host announced over the microphone that two princesses were about to arrive, I felt a rush of excitement. The entire room went quiet as Elsa and Anna walked in. And to my surprise, you weren’t scared or shy at all, you ran straight to them and hugged them both. It was the sweetest thing ever…
But as one of my friends said later, that’s probably just part of their routine. Most moms, after spending that much money, expect the princesses to focus entirely on the birthday girl, and if they don’t, they complain. Then there are moms like me who complain when they only focus on the birthday girl. Touché, right? It’s complicated. But never mind, what really mattered was that you were having the time of your life. If there’s a next time, though, I’ll make sure to mention that to the entertainers.
The party, of course, went by in a flash. I was trying to talk to everyone, but that’s nearly impossible. Most of the time I stayed at my friends’ table — either with Nádia and Girleide, or with Camila and Danilo.
At one point, I remember grabbing a glass of water and setting it down on the table. A few minutes later, I came back asking if that glass was mine. My friends nodded. Then, not long after, I did the exact same thing. Twice. It made them laugh, but they also looked a little worried. I have an appointment with my neurologist next week, we’ll see how that goes. My memory seems to be slipping more and more lately.
Anyway, the party kept going, and I could barely see you. You were everywhere, running around, laughing, having the time of your life. The kids were jumping from one toy to another, and I couldn’t help but smile seeing the whole room full of children. If I’m not mistaken, there were twenty-two of them in total.
Then, at one point, you came to me crying, asking for your Elsa dress, the fancy one. I told you we had to wait until after “Happy Birthday,” but you were so eager, so desperate to show the princesses your dress, that your grandpa stepped in and said we should let you wear it. “It’s her birthday,” he said. “Let her enjoy it.”
So we went upstairs to get you changed, and the princesses came with us, which made you so happy.
While we were getting ready, the staff was already trying to gather everyone around the cake table for the birthday song. We came down the stairs — you, me, your dad, and the princesses following behind — while Frozen music played in the background. And this time, unlike on your second birthday, you didn’t cry. Quite the opposite. You looked like you truly believed you were a princess, and that day, you were.
We walked down the stairs hand in hand, and before the birthday song, it was showtime. During the performance, you stood beside Anna while she sang “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” in Portuguese.
You swayed gracefully from side to side, spinning your dress as if it were part of the music itself. It was such a beautiful sight, especially because you’ve been so shy lately. I honestly thought that being surrounded by so many people, all watching you, would make you freeze. But instead, it was like you forgot the world around you. You just let yourself dance, lost in the moment, right there next to Anna.
After that, you danced with Elsa and got completely distracted by the little lights reflecting on the floor, you kept stepping on them as if they were magic bubbles. It was adorable. You only started getting a bit shy during the third part of the show, the coronation, probably because you’d already been up there for about fifteen minutes. But the coronation was something we couldn’t skip, it was such a special moment.
Even more special, though, was the birthday song — with both of your parents beside you, and Elsa and Anna standing close. And thank God, this year there were no tears — just pure joy.
The moment the birthday song ended, the kids rushed the table for brigadeiros, of course. But soon after the cake, people started leaving, around 3:45 p.m. Which was a bit frustrating, considering the party was supposed to go until 4:30. For the price I paid, everyone should’ve stayed until the very last minute!
After that, you danced with Elsa and got completely distracted by the little lights reflecting on the floor, you kept stepping on them as if they were magic bubbles. It was adorable. You only started getting a bit shy during the third part of the show, the coronation, probably because you’d already been up there for about fifteen minutes. But the coronation was something we couldn’t skip, it was such a special moment.
Even more special, though, was the birthday song, with both of your parents beside you, and Elsa and Anna standing close. And thank God, this year there were no tears, just pure joy.
The moment the birthday song ended, the kids rushed the table for brigadeiros, of course. But soon after the cake, people started leaving around 3:45 p.m. Which was a bit frustrating, considering the party was supposed to go until 4:30. For the price I paid, everyone should’ve stayed until the very last minute!
After that, I watched the room slowly empty, little by little, and your party come to an end. But you were still going strong, playing with your friend Marina in the big playground. Her parents had a hard time getting her to leave, and I couldn’t help but laugh watching the whole scene.
Your dad seemed happy too, genuinely pleased with how everything turned out. I’d even say he felt a quiet sort of pride for the day I managed to give you.
Part Three:
And when the hall finally cleared out completely, it was time to head home and open your presents. All your grandparents came along, your dad too, and Rafinha. But Rafinha fell asleep in the car, so as soon as we got home, I carried him straight to bed.
We started opening the presents, 22 in total, to the absolute shock of your paternal grandparents, who couldn’t believe a child could receive so many gifts. The way your cousins are raised back in Barcelona is quite different from yours.
For me, this part is pure joy. Such a fun, sweet moment. And I hope it feels that way for you too. But if one day you don’t enjoy it as much, that’s okay. For now, we still get excited about the post-party gift-opening ritual.
When I was little, my parents used to film me and my sister opening our presents. We only have a few of those old home videos, but they’re such treasures, seeing the toys and gifts from people we barely remember, and the quirky little things from the ‘90s. That’s why I’m doing the same for you.
This is the third birthday I’ve photographed and filmed. Although, on your second one, part of the footage was accidentally recorded in slow motion — we lost a huge portion of it — but this year will be different.
We started opening the presents, and it took about an hour. During that time, your cousin stayed fast asleep — we only woke him up once everything had been unwrapped. And of course, as soon as he woke up, you two started fighting over the toys.
This time, you got more toys than clothes, and you were thrilled. Usually, you’re just as happy when you get clothes or shoes, but I think this time the toys stole the show. Whenever you opened a box and found clothes instead, a little flicker of disappointment crossed your face. You didn’t get any shoes this year either.
Your grandparents, though they didn’t say it out loud, clearly shared your dad’s opinion — that it was too many toys, and that you didn’t really need all of them. But that’s okay. Every family has its own way of seeing things.
You, on the other hand, were over the moon — from the painting sets to the baby Moana doll you’d asked your grandpa for. It was your day, and it was nothing short of magical.
Before we left, your dad turned to me and said, “Good job at the party.”
It made me happy — that small moment of recognition.
20/10 Chapter 463 Shine bright like a diamond
And who said the celebration was over? Who said you’d stopped shining or being the center of attention? Oh no, your birthday carried on until today, because today was your big day to celebrate at school.
Every month, the birthday kids get to celebrate with cakes, sweets, decorations, and sometimes even costumes that their moms send in. You’ve sung “happy birthday” so many times for your friends, and Mommy’s already spent plenty on their presents, but now it was your turn to shine.
Since I’d already spent quite a bit on your party, I kept things simple this time: just a homemade carrot cake with brigadeiro frosting, a few leftover sweets from your party, your main Frozen costume, and individual goodie bags for each of your classmates.
I ordered the goodie bags from one of my clients who makes personalized cookies, and of course, I asked for a Frozen theme. They turned out absolutely beautiful, but they were pretty pricey too. I spent around R$200, but I made sure to send one for each of your little friends, your two teachers, and Aunt Marili — the heart and soul of the school.
You got to be the star of the day all over again, lucky you, two birthdays to celebrate! The only downside? No new presents this time, since all your little friends already gave you theirs at your party. And Bella’s mom, who didn’t come, didn’t send anything either (tsk, tsk… some moms, right?).
I remember how much I loved celebrating my birthday at school when I was a kid too. All the attention on me, that feeling of a special day just for me, and the parents sending little gifts, it was magical. I still remember how we used to open the presents right there in class, which made it even more fun because everyone got excited together.
These days, I’m not sure it would work the same way, kids can be a little more spoiled now, and they’d probably want to play with the gifts and wouldn’t quite understand the meaning of “it’s not yours.” Then again, I was older than you when I had those school birthdays — maybe five, six, or seven — but I had a few of them, and they’re still some of my favorite childhood memories.
I can’t think of any of your classmates who hasn’t celebrated a birthday at school yet, but there are always a few kids born during vacation months: January and July. I never wanted to be born during school breaks; not only do you miss out on the classroom celebration, but it’s harder to celebrate with friends, too. Even if you throw a party, most people are away traveling.
So I’ve always been thankful I wasn’t a “vacation birthday kid”, and you dodged that too. At least here in Brazil, anyway. If we ever move to the U.S., the school calendar is different, but I don’t think October falls during their vacation either, so you’re safe there, birthday girl.
24/10 Chapter 464 When all I needed was the truth
Today I finally had my appointment with the neurologist, and my mom came along since she also had a consultation scheduled. The doctor started with her. She was complaining about headaches that felt different from her usual migraines, and about struggling with focus. He simply said it was too late to start treating ADHD now. Her appointment was quick.
Then it was my turn. I told him everything I’ve been through, how I once missed a flight because I lost my passport at the airport, how I’ve lost my phone multiple times, $300 in cash, purses, and how I’m constantly looking for my keys, my wallet… and how it’s been getting worse. He explained that people with ADHD have always had it, and that symptoms tend to get worse when left untreated.
I went on describing the things that happen to me daily, especially at my night job where I handle client registrations for my dad’s company. For instance, I usually register clients under “G0” followed by a few numbers. But sometimes, my dad asks me to change it, like use “F0” instead. Whenever these small changes happen, even if he tells me in advance, I forget by the time I’m actually doing the work hours later. And even if he reminds me shortly before, I still don’t remember, it’s like my brain just switches to autopilot. I’ve gotten several scoldings from my dad because of that.
That particular story caught the doctor’s attention. He said that’s exactly how ADHD works — the person struggles to focus, especially when operating on “autopilot,” following a routine they’re used to. Then he mentioned one of his patients, a man with ADHD who was married and had a young child. Normally, it was the mother who dropped the child off at school every morning.
But one day, she asked the father to do it instead. Since it wasn’t part of his usual routine, his brain simply defaulted to habit, and he forgot his own child in the car. The child didn’t survive.
I was horrified. That’s something I could never, ever live with. I'd kill myself.
Anyway… the doctor said I checked every box for ADHD, especially considering how much worse it’s gotten over time (and the fact that I’ve shown signs of attention deficit since childhood). He explained that ADHD is a disorder, and a disorder is anything that causes real harm or disruption, and in my case, he said it was clear that it’s been causing a lot of it. He even admitted, in his own words, that he was genuinely worried about you.
At first, he gave me a card with a QR code for an ADHD test, and I even took a picture to do it later. But as I went on explaining how, in the beginning, I was only harming myself like missing flights, losing passports, phones, money, purses, and how now I’ve started hurting the people around me, I could see his expression change.
Like that day, coming back from the beach with you, Cheila, and the kids, we had already been driving for 45 minutes when I realized I’d left my backpack behind, and we had to turn around, inconveniencing everyone. Or the time I forgot to give you your antibiotic, putting you at risk. Or when your dad called, practically begging me to leave your air purifier by the door so I wouldn’t forget to bring it, and I still forgot, letting him down.
Even my grandmother once handed me a product to give to my mom, and it just vanished, gone. It’s always something, every single day. And now, more than ever, I’m realizing how my disorder doesn’t just affect me anymore, it’s spilling over into other people’s lives.
After hearing all that, the doctor said I didn’t even really need to take the test, it was more of a formality. Based on my history alone, he was confident: I have ADHD. There are three types, he explained — hyperactive, inattentive (which is mine), and combined.
He prescribed a controlled medication, starting with the lowest dose, and told me to come back next month to see how I’m doing. The biggest shock, though, besides the diagnosis, was the price. Almost R$200 for a month’s supply.
Still, I left feeling strangely hopeful. Maybe, finally, these memory lapses and constant forgetfulness will start to ease. Maybe this is the turning point, maybe my life will finally begin to change. If that happens, it’ll be a late diagnosis, yes, but one that could change everything.
Maybe all I ever needed was for someone to look at me and say, “You have a disorder, but there’s a way to manage it.” Maybe I just needed the truth about myself to find some peace. Because only God knows how much I’ve suffered from the chaos of my own mind.
25/10 Chapter 465 Better until I wasn't
I started the medication for ADHD today, it’s called Liberdya, the lowest dose, just as the doctor prescribed. I took it right after waking up, like he said. At first, I didn’t feel anything, but about an hour later, I started feeling more alert, focused, even energized. I called my mom to remind her of a few things and realized I wasn’t forgetting anything all day. After dropping you off at school, I felt even more driven, productive, and full of energy — almost too much. If I wasn’t hyperactive before, it felt like the medication had just turned me into it. While replying to a voice message from a friend, I couldn’t even stop talking.
On my way to my parents’ house— I had to go there to organize some client packages — I was still feeling upbeat, maybe even happy, though a bit nauseous. Just slightly.
I worked the entire afternoon without eating, and then two more suitcases arrived from the U.S., meaning I’d be up working through the night again. When I went to pick you up from school, your aunt arrived at the same time. Your cousin cried to come sleep over at my place, and I would’ve let him if it weren’t for the two huge suitcases waiting for me. But as if reading my mind, your aunt offered to take you to her house for the night. I hesitated, since she didn’t have two car seats, but decided to take a leap of faith and let you go, you were so excited.
I went back home still feeling energetic, but the nausea started to take over. It grew stronger, pushing away all the good feelings the medication had given me. I tried to focus on work, checking every item that had arrived, it took forever, but I finally finished. Then it was time to start charging clients and packing everything, which would take even longer. The nausea, though, was wearing me down.
My sister later said you had a great time and only asked for me at bedtime, but she managed to comfort you. Relieved, I tried to keep working. But when I took a quick bathroom break, the nausea hit full force, and I ended up throwing up twice, right there in the shower.
Ugh… sick again. It’s been such a short time since I last felt this awful. I’d spent two full weeks like this recently, and I couldn’t believe it was happening again so soon. My stomach must be incredibly sensitive to medication, because this is the second one in less than two months that’s made me sick. And I never throw up. Never. The last time I did was probably when I was a kid. Not even during pregnancy, and those first three months, I was very nauseous.
Still, after throwing up, I felt slightly better (as people usually do afterward). I forced myself to eat some rice and grilled chicken — something light that, thankfully, Bete had cooked earlier. But as soon as I started eating the chicken, I threw up again. Four times in total.
It’s such a strange feeling, vomiting, it’s like something deep inside your body gets pulled upward, and for a moment, you feel like you’re dying. It’s bizarre.
I tried again to eat, I had to, since I hadn’t eaten all day, and I already weigh only 43.5 kg. I can’t afford to lose more. If I skip meals today, I’ll wake up tomorrow at 42.5, easily.
I managed to eat, but the nausea lingered, horrible, unbearable nausea. I looked up the medication online and saw it’s a common side effect, and that it can take about a week for the body to adjust. I talked to Luciana, who lives in the U.S. and also has ADHD; she said she felt sick at first too — not vomiting, but very nauseous. Still, there’s no way I could go through this again for several more days. I honestly don’t think I could handle even a few more hours of it.
So now what? Is this the end of the medication that could finally help me? Do I have to choose what’s worse — my forgetfulness, my lack of focus, or feeling like this? I lay down, hoping the nausea would fade so I could rest. But I couldn’t help feeling sad. Sad that something that started off so promising, that made me feel so alive in the beginning, had turned into this.
It’s hard not to lose hope when the thing that could save you ends up making you sick.
26/10 Chapter 466 The time has come
Since it was the weekend, I had to wait until Monday to talk to the doctor. He’s part of my insurance plan, so I don’t have his personal contact. Not every doctor from the plan gives out their number. Dr. Humberto does, but honestly, he’s the only one I know who does that.
So, I tried to relax and enjoy the weekend because it’s my sister’s birthday, and we’re having a barbecue and cake later. She finally turned 30, ust like I did, what feels like yesterday. Thirty comes for everyone eventually. And it’s such a strange age. You’re happy, because you feel like a real adult with your house, your job, your kids… but at the same time, it’s a quiet goodbye to your youth. Your 20's are all about beauty, fun, late nights, college, falling in love. Then 30's comes, and suddenly you’re getting ready for your first gray hair, your first wrinkle, your body’s first signs of slowing down. The small signs that life is moving forward, whether you’re ready or not. Thirty is bittersweet, it’s the first step away from everything we once were. It feels like a door quietly closed behind you.
Your 20's were messy, loud, alive. They were about chasing moments, losing yourself, falling in love, staying out too late, crying for no reason, dreaming without limits. Thirty, on the other hand, is more about stability, reflection, and acceptance. It’s when you start saying no to things that drain you and yes to things that feel peaceful. You begin to crave comfort more than adventure. But sometimes you catch yourself missing the chaos, the uncertainty, the endless “what ifs.” You start thinking about everything you thought you’d have by now, and everything you still want but haven’t reached. It’s being grateful for how far you’ve come, even while missing the innocence of not knowing where you were going.
Anyway, since yesterday I thought you felt a little warm, but my mom said it was just my imagination. Tonight, right before the birthday song, I felt your skin hot again. You were still laughing, jumping, playing as usual, so no one really noticed. But when I checked your temperature, my fear turned real: 38°C— a fever. Then you said your tummy hurt, and that’s when my heart sank. Soon after, you grew quieter and crankier, and I thought maybe you were just sleepy. So I asked everyone to speed up the birthday song so I could get you to bed.
As we started singing “happy birthday,” I felt something warm spread all over me, and realized you were throwing up. You’d eaten well, a lot actually, so the result was… let’s say plenty. I was covered in it. I don’t think I’ve ever smelled so bad in my entire life. The scent clung to me, every inch of me—and honestly, for a second, I thought I was going to throw up too.
So I ran straight to the shower. I had bits of food stuck to parts of my body I didn’t even know existed.
A few minutes later, they brought you in too, since you were just as covered as I was. You looked so much better after throwing up, no more pain, no more tears. So I’m guessing it’s just a little stomach bug. For now, no cough, no trouble breathing, which already feels like a small victory. We’ll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.
29/10 Chapter 466 The price is feeling fine
Today I was talking to my friend Luciana, who lives in the U.S., about ADHD — she has it too — and she mentioned how, just like I said in the previous chapter, she also felt really nauseous during the first few days. She told me her daughter has ADHD as well, and she got sick for the same reason. Their doctor ended up having the medication compounded to lower the dose, since the smallest capsule available was 30 mg. I thought that was a brilliant idea, so I contacted my clinic and asked the secretary to let my doctor know about what had happened to me. I also asked if there was a way to compound the medication for a smaller dose. She said she’d talk to the doctor and get back to me.
Later, she called saying the doctor had prescribed the same medication but in liquid form this time. I just had to go to the office to pick up the prescription — so I did. When I got there, he explained that the liquid version was 40 mg, which is actually 10 mg stronger than what I was taking. Still, he told me to start with 5 drops for 10 days, then 10 drops for another 10 days, and finally 15 drops for 10 days. Fifteen drops would be the equivalent of one 30 mg capsule — the same dose I had before. After that, I could switch back to the capsule, once my body had gradually adjusted to the medication.
I was so relieved. I honestly thought I’d have to give up the treatment altogether — but no, there was a solution after all.
My excitement, however, vanished the moment I reached the pharmacy: the bottle cost R$450. The capsules were already expensive, almost R$200, and now this? R$450 for one single medication? It’s no wonder so many people can’t afford proper treatment. It’s outrageous. And worst of all, that bottle only lasts a month. One month! And that’s just one prescription — imagine those who rely on several medications every single month. Tsk, tsk. Healthcare should be free and universal. With all the taxes we pay, you’d think some of that money would go toward things that actually make people’s lives better — but not here. Not in this country.
You were supposed to go to the beach today, but your dad postponed it to tomorrow. Which honestly works out better for me — that way, I’ll only be three days away from you. On the 2nd, Grandpa, Grandma, and I will drive down to spend the day with you all.
30-31/10 Chapter 467 Make yourself a brand new start
Since your feverish state lingered for several days, I thought it was best to schedule a pediatric appointment. But Dr. Humberto was out for a few days, so I ended up booking you with Rafinha’s pediatrician instead.
I told him how strange it seemed to me that you only ran a temperature at night or in the early hours of the morning, always hovering between 37.1 and 37.8. It never went beyond that, which is why I hadn’t been giving you any medication for fever. He said I did the right thing. He examined you thoroughly and, at first glance, everything looked fine. It really did seem like just a virus, but he still prescribed a few medications, which helped put my mind at ease, especially knowing you were about to travel with your grandparents.
In fact, you’re still with them right now, and we’re only joining you the day after tomorrow. I’m already missing you terribly. Your father hasn’t said much to me, but from the little he has mentioned, it sounds like you’re doing well and haven’t had any fever, which is already a huge relief for me.
Meanwhile, I’m here trying to keep things moving and putting the final touches on the bazaar/thrift shop I’m opening with Aunt Rosely. So far, we’ve invested less than R$500, and we’re almost ready to open, plus, we won’t have to pay rent. There are still plenty of small things to fix, arrange, and buy, but that’s part of it. In life, you have to invest if you want any chance at earning something back later.
Will it work out? Honestly, I have no idea. But I’m excited. It would be an extra source of income, and I’ve always admired people who create different streams of revenue instead of relying on just one. Some ventures succeed, others don’t. And if this one doesn’t, at least I’ll know I tried. That’s how we have to look at things, even when the outcome feels uncertain.
